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Thread: Should I break up

  1. #1

    Should I break up

    Hey,

    So my girlfriend recently cheated on me.
    We have been together for 1.5 years. When we are together she is very cute, silly and affectionate, but when we are apart i know she can be quite a grump & a Bogan.
    Im a very affectionate loving guy. Would not say im extremely masculine.
    She suffers from depression and loneliness. As I live 40-60min drive away, she works night shifts and other factors we can't always be together.
    Ive seen her drink and i know she goes from sober to drunk quickly but refuses to accept. When shes drunk she gets extremely affectionate.
    Shes admitted to being quite sexually active with a large drive but supposedly not so much in the past few years. Ill admit i know im not the best at sex, ive stressed that if im not enough for her that she can talk to me and well work something out.

    So the guy she slept with is her ex of sorts (more of an old f-buddy). He is a manipulative person always saying hes changed and then ends up playing my girlfriend and other women.
    I dont know why she keeps trusting him. She claims he just has a way of getting in her head.
    Shes now changed her number (she gave me her new number) and supposedly cut off from him.
    Id be more accepting if it was a sex thing, but she claims its not.
    I dont believe she did it to hurt me or she was unhappy with our relationship. and she is sorry. I believe it to be more a moment of weakness

    I feel i should break up with her.
    I really enjoyed our time together and even thought i was in love.
    I'm currently building a house closer to her and away from my friends and family. Its my first house and im scared of being alone enough that i want to make it work.
    She's scared I'll break up with her. And I'm worried she may hurt herself. She's been known to in the past

    Please if anyone could give me some advice on what i should do.

    Thank you,

  2. #2
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    Are you sure the incident with the ex is the only time?

  3. #3
    Not sure but I believe so.
    A couple of months ago she ignored his call and he attempted suicide. She felt responsible and rushed to see he was ok.

    Shortly after that he asked her to drive him to get help. Turns out help was his ex. My gf posted a fed up message on FB after that.

    That's why I'm so confused why she saw him again

  4. #4
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    She is not some poor helpless lamb. She is a liar and a cheat! If you are smart, you will dump her.

    She cannot be trusted. It is her fault, not the ex bf's. Wake up!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Why do people cheat and lie and then decide to further manipulate by either attempting suicide or threatening to?

    I realize how serious suicide is, believe me. But I can't help but think that it is an incredibly devious tool cheating people use when they want their own way.

    She cheated. She allowed herself to meet up with this man, let him close to her, get naked with him, let him on top of her...do you know how many steps that is and how at any time she could have said, "No, this is wrong!"....but she didn't, did she?

    Stop justifying it, please. We all have moments of weakness. We all have temptations cross our paths, but not everyone cheats and lies. In fact, it takes a certain kind of person to do so.

    She's not confused, not one bit. She chooses to keep her ex in her life and chose to keep him in her life. It wasn't a random accident like him falling naked on top of her.
    Her even using the excuse that she gets lonely or depressed is no reason to get naked with another man.
    In fact, it's pathetic.

    Will she cheat again? Why wouldn't she? She will justify it again, use her emotional state as an excuse, then threaten if you decide you don't want to stay with her.
    The fact that he was a "f-buddy" should tell you where this girls morals are at...and you're surprised she wants sex on the side when you can't deliver?

    Do yourself a favour, tell her it's over. She won't change. You will be a sitting duck waiting till the next time you find out she's slept around again, unless she hides it better and lies again.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KamenBendron
    I feel i should break up with her.
    Its my first house and im scared of being alone enough that i want to make it work.
    She's scared I'll break up with her. And I'm worried she may hurt herself. She's been known to in the past
    I think you should defintely break up with her. But you must expect her to try to manipulate you, using whatever she can to force you to stay with her. Why? Because she knows she can. And I mean no disrespect, but if you act like a welp, she will treat you like a welp. If she cries and begs and you come back, every time, she has control. Take a stand and stop being that welp she is expecting you to be.

    And to be honest, the statement in bold above is the key here. You have low self worth, low self confidence and low self esteem. Being scared to be alone will push you to put up with the worst of people, and those people will see your worth and keep treating you as a welp.

    I suggest, kicking her to the curb and spending some time alone finding your self worth, then once you are happy in yourself, your standards in what you go for in women will be higher also.

  8. #7
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    Dump her. She's manipulative. She's playing victim here as she knows your a nice guy. Everything she said is just an attempt at excusing her behaviour. Get rid and meet someone better. You are not responsible for her or her actions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Are you sure the incident with the ex is the only time?
    Even if it was just a one time thing this woman doesn't respect him. And to add to it, he has low self esteem. I dont see a good future in this.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KamenBendron
    Not sure but I believe so.
    A couple of months ago she ignored his call and he attempted suicide. She felt responsible and rushed to see he was ok.

    Shortly after that he asked her to drive him to get help. Turns out help was his ex. My gf posted a fed up message on FB after that.

    That's why I'm so confused why she saw him again
    Excuses...

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like she's not ready for an exclusive relationship.

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