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Thread: Which do I sacrifice - having children, education, or financial responsibility?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by East4
    Hi Lotus,

    I read your other thread [Register to see the link] that gives an overview of your struggles you had to go through to be where you are today. Just wow! You've been through a lot indeed, and congrats for making it thus far.

    Did you get your funds released by the German embassy? I really feel sorry for the visa problem, what happened was so undeserved. There was a good advice on this other thread saying that your passion should not necessary be your profession. You could still persue your interest in Egyptology as a hobby, while securing a stable job that will allow you financial stability and a relationship.

    Or else, if you decide to go to the end in the pursuit of your Egyptology dream, have you thought of enrollling to a project through European university that does on-site research in Egypt? You do not need a PhD for that. Or write an open letter of application to Cayro University department of Archeology? Like that you could explore the pyramids and artefacts on the spot, while having very low cost of living and no tuition fees. Rather than paying these astronomically high tuition cost in Cambridge. I really think it is not worth it. These types of very specific subjects at very expensive universities are for people that are born in wealth with too much time and money on their hands to spend. Some of them buy a collection of Mazzeratties, other would study a long-time dead language like Egyptian of the Middle Egypt and magic rituals from a kingdom that ceased to exist thousands of years ago.
    Hi there, and thanks for your reply. I did eventually get my funds released but it took several months and I had to leave the Schengen Zone before he'd allow it. Regarding the profession I've chosen, it is more than something I'm a little passionate about, so I feel incomplete when I'm not pursing it academically. I think, outwardly, it may seem like something super niche that is hard to find a job in, but in reality that's not at all the case. I've no concerns whatsoever in working in my field once I completely my education. I worked hard, saved up a lot of money and paid for the degree in cash. I did have to borrow the other half from my step-father and it will only take one year of full-time employment to earn that money back to re-imburse him. It is my intention to become a professor at a university and teach Egyptian language and religion, perhaps some Egyptian archaeology as well. I'll also continue to conduct my own research throughout. I'm not at all worried about my academic future in terms of employability. People who haven't studied in the field of archaeology or Egyptology oftentimes are under the impression that there isn't work in those disciplines or that they're not secure jobs, but it's really not the case at all. I'm also interesting in working with Egyptian antiquities in the prevention of antiquities trafficking and art crime - basically black market activity. My options are quite extensive. It's just I took so long to get to this point because of unrelated factors, so I don't want to keep pushing back my education. But I also want to have children, if possible, and that isn't as flexible in time as my studies are. I'm just a little worried about the fact that my visa, the time I need to take off of studies and work to save money, etc. may be incompatible just because of the nature of my situation. It's not easy to hang around in a foreign country when you might no longer meet the conditions of your visa. But, I think I've talked this topic to death. I'm just going to handle it as I've always handled things - to do my best, make plans but also be open to adjusting them if and when they need it, and continue to put one foot in front of the other.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by maew
    It's only because we don't know you or your background... we post objectively about what we see in the original post. You get answers based on people's previous experiences of similar posts vs. who you are or the things you have done to get where you are.

    I can understand that you are feeling disheartened because of the responsibilities you have... sometimes we hit a crossroad in life where we have to make decisions for our life that are less than ideal to follow through on our commitment to our responsibilities. It would be great if we could have everything we wanted when we wanted it but for most of us, there is a sacrifice involved... either of time, or financially, or of relationships.

    You seem to know what you want and have put thought into what is important to you and are moving closer to making the decision that you want to make... all that's left is making a plan and taking action as to how you will get yourself there.
    Thank you for your understanding and helpful comments. To be honest, I posted the initial post incredibly late at night after several days without sleep (I'm an insomniac, unfortunately) and I know things will turn out fine in the end because they somehow always do. And, if things aren't how I wanted, then I'll adjust, because I always do. I'm guess I'm just exhausted from having lived a life without any break from hardships.

    There was a period of about 6 months 7 years ago where I had a little happiness and that was really nice. Generally I'm very optimistic despite my string of unfortunate events and wouldn't say that I'm depressed or suffer from depression at all, but it does tire one out to have to keep going through one battle after the other without any respite from them. It's not that I'm looking at things negatively or am focusing on the bad things, it's just outside elements that I've somehow found myself in the crossfires of. Some people tend to be quite unlucky, though I always choose to appreciate the lessons gained from those events. I'm really happy that, after everything, I've finally arrived at my goal to become an Egyptologist. It's sad that I can't share it with my mother and confide in her about my worries about not having children and I guess that's why I posted here. Her passing is still very recent and I had no support from family other than my step-father. I'm getting through it though. I'm still holding out hope, and always have, that my time will come and I'll meet someone nice and things will just work out - that it won't be too late for me to have children. I had also planned to adopt right from when I was quite young, so there's still that. I got some sleep last night, so I feel a bit better about things.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I would say youíre doing exactly what you want right now . If youíve thrown everything into this and wanted to do it since you were eight years old this is what you want to do . After you are doing what you want to do think about children after that . You can also adopt as well .
    Thanks, I've always intended to adopt children regardless of whether I have my own biological children or not. And I'm certain that I'll find much happiness with the children that come into my life, whichever way they come into it.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by LotusBlack
    Thanks, I've always intended to adopt children regardless of whether I have my own biological children or not. And I'm certain that I'll find much happiness with the children that come into my life, whichever way they come into it.
    That is great then! I think whether you see it or not your life is working exactly the way you wanted it just not in the timeline you wanted . I remember when I was going to university from the time I was young I always wanted to be a lawyer . And then I met my husband and abandoned that because I wanted marriage and children . And I always wanted more than one child . Well, I only had one child and miscarried 4. Within the next few years we will be adopting our great nephew . So I will be having another child just 25 years after expecting them. Life does not occur according to our time unfortunately.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by LotusBlack
    Thanks, I've always intended to adopt children regardless of whether I have my own biological children or not. And I'm certain that I'll find much happiness with the children that come into my life, whichever way they come into it.
    Oh that is great news for you -takes a lot of stress off the ticking clock issue.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    That is great then! I think whether you see it or not your life is working exactly the way you wanted it just not in the timeline you wanted . I remember when I was going to university from the time I was young I always wanted to be a lawyer . And then I met my husband and abandoned that because I wanted marriage and children . And I always wanted more than one child . Well, I only had one child and miscarried 4. Within the next few years we will be adopting our great nephew . So I will be having another child just 25 years after expecting them. Life does not occur according to our time unfortunately.
    Thanks for sharing part of your story. I think I actually read a thread you posted about adopting your relative's child after it becomes a little too difficult for your parents to continue raising him/her. That was your thread, yes? I'm happy that things have come full-circle, even if it wasn't in the way you'd hoped. I'm usually quite optimistic and am fluid with whatever turn of events happen in my life, but I hadn't slept for a while and I was feeling bad that my mother was no-longer with me to talk about this issue with. First Christmas and New Years since she passed. I've bounced back and know that things will be okay, whatever happens. You're right, I did get at least one of the things I always wanted and I'm beyond grateful that I was able to bring about that reality.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh that is great news for you -takes a lot of stress off the ticking clock issue.
    It does. And, maybe I need to let go of the idea of biological children altogether - I mean to say that perhaps I shouldn't expect them but also not not expect them. If it happens it happens and it will be a fortunate turn of events. If I take the pressure off of bringing that about and just let the chips fall where they may, perhaps the chips will happen to fall in an ideal place.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by LotusBlack
    Thanks for sharing part of your story. I think I actually read a thread you posted about adopting your relative's child after it becomes a little too difficult for your parents to continue raising him/her. That was your thread, yes? I'm happy that things have come full-circle, even if it wasn't in the way you'd hoped. I'm usually quite optimistic and am fluid with whatever turn of events happen in my life, but I hadn't slept for a while and I was feeling bad that my mother was no-longer with me to talk about this issue with. First Christmas and New Years since she passed. I've bounced back and know that things will be okay, whatever happens. You're right, I did get at least one of the things I always wanted and I'm beyond grateful that I was able to bring about that reality.
    I am sorry about your mom. :(. Yes ,absolutely the first few celebrations without them are always the hardest . Yes ,youíre right that was my thread. One of my nieces had her son far to young and the father even younger . So my great nephew was picked up by childrenís aid . My niece canít care for him . Right now heís in the care of my parents but they canít do this indefinitely as they are too old . My mom has already fallen twice in one week. The second time really injuring herself. She is just not the kind to ever admit she canít do something and my step dad works full time at 80 due to losing his pension. So this is a lot of stress on them . But after they get full legal custody in a few months or so we will be able to apply for adopting him .

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by LotusBlack
    It does. And, maybe I need to let go of the idea of biological children altogether - I mean to say that perhaps I shouldn't expect them but also not not expect them. If it happens it happens and it will be a fortunate turn of events. If I take the pressure off of bringing that about and just let the chips fall where they may, perhaps the chips will happen to fall in an ideal place.
    When I wanted to conceive a child I prepared my body by going off the pill in advance, taking additional vitamins and getting a work up by my gynecologist -I don't think you can take your approach entirely if you are serious about trying to conceive at some point.

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