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Thread: Does “not caring” really get a guy’s attention

  1. #21
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    IMO, there should be a balance.

    Do not ignore, but do not overwhelm with attention either. It's a balance between being too aloof and too much of a white knight.

    Strive for a balance, because too much of one tends to have the adverse affect.

    That is what I observe among couples (men and women) and also in my current relationship, what works for us.

  2. #22
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    You said that when someone ignores a person, it tends to make that person like them.
    And I said, no it doesn't, they like the "challenge" not the person, BIG difference.
    It is a difference I agree. But a funny thing happens with matters of the heart.
    Most people can't tell you WHY they're attracted to somebody (and most of the time dont' spend time analyzying it either - like we tend to do here on forums...). They just "know" they're attracted.

    Now.. i never said it is the formula for love or marriage or baby carriages lol...
    ALL I EVER SAID was ... YES it is true (more on the female side) that it is possible and DOES HAPPEN ... that people tend to become ATTRACTED TO people that ignore them. attracted to doesn't mean "like", "love", or "want to marry them."

    And yes it is primarily due to the challenge, the intrigue, and the mystery.

    But wouldnt' you agree that 85% of dating success - is getting your foot in the door with another person and grabbing their attention? The rest and how it ENDS UP ULTIMATELY - is up to the rest of what you do together and how you get along.... but as far as getting your foot in the door and getting one's attention....

    let's not start associating tons of other things to what i said that i never said. Because i'm not insinuating ANYTHIGN ELSE beyond what the OP asked specifically.. and my speciifc answer.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    I'm not basing just on personal experience...
    There's tons of books, psychological reports and studies...
    And you can't even supply so much as a link or summary for one of them.

    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    i also base it on a lifetime of observation of tons of couples and relationsihps
    I refute your claims based on my lifetime of success with women and relationships based on me giving them attention and not pretending to not care about them. I also refute your claims based on hundreds or even thousands of relationship forum posts I've read over last 15 years where I've seen tons of guys posting how they were left by a girl because he didn't pay enough attention to her.

    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    As I always like to say. don't believe me.
    You don't need to say it.
    Last edited by Normm; 01-08-2019 at 06:00 PM.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    In my last LTR, my ex chased me for almost SIX years! Yes chasing me kept him intrigued, challenged, interested and "in love."

    I put in love in quotes because it turned out to be a misnomer in the end. Disingenuous, fake.

    I say that because almost immediately after I finally accepted his marriage proposal (after him asking for almost 5 and a half years), things changed, HE changed.

    He began doing hard drugs and I believe cheating (although I have no solid proof of that).

    But things changed, for the worse, and I eventually ended it with him.

    If that isn't evidence enough that ignoring, being aloof, distant, or or otherwise remaining this big challenge isn't the BS it is, I don't know what is.

    Yes it does "work" on some people, but it's not REAL.

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  6. #25
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jaquiiiimez
    My friend doesn’t believe me that if you ignore a guy. The more he’ll be attracted. And if he doesn’t care then it’s a good thing. Can someone help me help her understand
    Yea if he is a guy that values the chase over having an actual relationship with someone. In my experience, a decent and respectful guy is not going to pursue a woman that shows zero interest in him.

    No one wants a partner that is needy and constantly putting their anxiety onto the other person. This is off putting to both men and women. What's also off putting is that if a partner is so independent that they don't make any time at all for the other person. There has to be some kind of balance.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Play hard to get and it's the perfect way to attract the attention of an unavailable person.
    Not to be confused with swinging too far to the other side and being too eager and needy.
    Somewhere in the middle where you exude confidence and security. You can engage someone without having to play any games.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Play hard to get and it's the perfect way to attract the attention of an unavailable person.
    Not to be confused with swinging too far to the other side and being too eager and needy.
    Somewhere in the middle where you exude confidence and security. You can engage someone without having to play any games.
    Your last sentence seems to contradict the first.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by jaquiiiimez
    My friend doesn’t believe me that if you ignore a guy. The more he’ll be attracted. And if he doesn’t care then it’s a good thing. Can someone help me help her understand
    Can you explain to us how ignoring someone will make someone attached!?

    Let me tell you this. This ONLY works if the other person likes you enough. If there semi or low interested. This would be just a waste of time of just stupid game playing.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. The hard to get mantra is an ancient urban legend/myth started by the PUA community to appeal to losers and make them believe that by increasing their "value" (being aloof, arrogant etc) they can trick "hot women" into chasing them in bars and clubs. It's complete rubbish. Also agree that the TMI/open book people get real boring real fast because of the needy, clingy vibe. If someone has to play games to get someone interested that's about as lame as it gets.
    Originally Posted by Normm
    Perhaps very early on, a person who isn't very available has an air of mystery about them, and some might find that attractive- regardless of their gender.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by jaquiiiimez
    My friend doesn’t believe me that if you ignore a guy. The more he’ll be attracted. And if he doesn’t care then it’s a good thing. Can someone help me help her understand
    That approach may work sometimes. As humans we sometimes desire what we can't have. Some people also like challenges. They see it as sport. Some people may chase people who appear uninterested, because they really don't want to be in a relationship. There's lots of reasons why humans behave certain ways.

    Your idea that is you ignore a guy and he'll be more attracted seems true to you because of our ability to find what we are looking for. If you believe something, you will notice it when it happens and use it as proof. We ignore, or are oblivious, when it doesn't happen,. This strengthens our case. it's a form of cognitive bias.

    Your idea is true, some of the time. That does not mean it is true all of the time. I suspect most men will ignore a woman that ignores them.

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