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Thread: Does “not caring” really get a guy’s attention

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    A woman worth having won't be bothered with a guy who isn't showing them at least equal interest. Perhaps those with low self-worth and a need to be needed may try harder. That goes for a guy worth having as well. He's likely not going to stick around past actually getting you. (more times then not). When you make the chase the main substance of your reason for interest, then the interest wanes once the chase (the game) is over.
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 01-08-2019 at 05:03 PM. Reason: Typo!

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    tons of them.. go and look.
    also, personal experience. The less i go after and try to push things forward with a gal, the more they come at me and initiate themsleves.
    also, a lifetime of observation when i'm out and about. We've all seen this many times where a guy who isn't "emotionally available" or not treating a gal as well as he should - somehow the gal keeps doing more and more and more for him. how many times have you seen it the other way?
    Also, popular urban legend has it that "women love to date bad boys" (aka #2 above). This is not some big secret. It's well known and you can see it everywhere.

    if you DO NOT know this or think it doesn't exist - you're not paying enough attention.
    Your personal experience is not evidence. I've read countless stories about how a girl dumps a guy because he doesn't give her enough attention. Perhaps very early on, a person who isn't very available has an air of mystery about them, and some might find that attractive- regardless of their gender. It's certainly more attractive than a clingy needy person that is all over a person they hardly know. But again it's not a gender specific thing as you claimed (and declined to provide any evidence other than "go look" which is about what I expected when I challenged you.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    If someone is not interested in you a priori, it's not playing this mind games of ignoring them that will make them truly become interested. Also, if you're playing games even if they work, people will come to you for the wrong reasons and it probably won't last.

    Instead of playing mind games of push and pull, build an interesting life where you can be actually busy for real so that you don't make (and act like) a man the center of your world. As a bonus you also become a more interesting person.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Yeah but for the wrong reasons. Some men (and women) will consider being ignored a challenge and it's the challenge they are attracted to, NOT you.

    When someone (man or woman) truly, genuinely likes someone, being ignored may get them wondering, but it will not make them like them more, that's just crazy-thinking.

    True for most stable people (again men and women) who are secure within and value themselves.

    The immature folks who are insecure, have commitment issues and the like? Sure it might intrigue them mistakenly disguised as increased interest but it's not genuine, or real..
    To add to this^^, I actually find this to be more true with women -- immature, insecure women with low self-esteem.

    Just read the PUA sites, there are tons of various strategies these sites tout re how to get a woman chasing you.

    I can't remember them all now (it's been a long time since I read) but they're all done in effort to throw the girl off balance, and get her chasing you.

    Ignoring her for a time is one of them, and it works, again on immature, insecure women.

    But there are men too who "get off" on the chase, who may become intrigued as well -- again disguised as increased interest but once she stops ignoring, and begins positively responding to him, he loses interest.

    Bottom line, just stay away from people who ignore you, it really just serves no good purpose.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-08-2019 at 05:04 PM.

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  6. #15
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    I never have been a mind reader. So trying to guess a lady's interest when she ignores me? I just go with the simple, linear interpretation.

    Acts disinterested == DISINTERESTED

  7. #16
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Yeah but for the wrong reasons. Some men (and women) will consider being ignored a challenge and it's the challenge they are attracted to, NOT you.
    I never said what it was based on as that was besides the point. The point is - they become ATTRACTED and pursue you (moreso females... but any of these "generalizations" have plenty of examples on both sides.. w'ere just talking "trends").
    And who's to say what is right vs wrong attraction? Attraction is attraction.

    is it any better/worse, right/wrong that somebody is attracted to soembody else because they are being ignored vs being dominated?
    is it any better/worse, right/wrong that somebody is attracted to somebody they are being ignored vs somebody who is blonde vs brunette?
    rich vs poor?
    powerful vs weak?
    well-known celbrity vs unknown?
    attractive vs ugly?

    i dont' judge any individual's "attraction". It's not for me to judge as we all have our preferences and what we're attracted to.
    Nor was that the purpose of the question or my response.

    simply said.. yes. its true that some people will be attracted to people who ignore or mistreat them - moreso if you ignore females.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes this exactly
    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    Acts disinterested == DISINTERESTED

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He left me for his ex. Should I still wait for him?
    If you're talking about that guy from you last post...it's not going to work. He's in love with his ex and he used you for sex.

    If he did ever come back, it wouldn't be for good reasons and you'd still be the second choice.

    Why do this to yourself?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    I never said what it was based on as that was besides the point. The point is - they become ATTRACTED and pursue you (moreso females... but any of these "generalizations" have plenty of examples on both sides.. w'ere just talking "trends").
    And who's to say what is right vs wrong attraction? Attraction is attraction.
    You said that when someone ignores a person, it tends to make that person like them.

    And I said, no it doesn't, they like the "challenge" not the person, BIG difference.

    But okay sure, who's to argue what attracts another, but for all intents and purposes, who the heck would want someone liking them, being attracted to them merely because they're a challenge??

    Would you? I sure wouldn't! It not real.

    Ignoring is GAME, and a crappy one. It's mean and it's hurtful.

    Either that or they are just not interested and I for one lose interest when a man isn't interested in me.

    But hey, if you tend to genuinely (key word, genuinely) like them more richey, become more attracted, when they ignore you, fair enough, so be it, it's your life.

  11. #20
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Normm
    Your personal experience is not evidence. I've read countless stories about how a girl dumps a guy because he doesn't give her enough attention. Perhaps very early on, a person who isn't very available has an air of mystery about them, and some might find that attractive- regardless of their gender. It's certainly more attractive than a clingy needy person that is all over a person they hardly know. But again it's not a gender specific thing as you claimed (and declined to provide any evidence other than "go look" which is about what I expected when I challenged you.
    I'm not basing just on personal experience...
    There's tons of books, psychological reports and studies...
    i also base it on a lifetime of observation of tons of couples and relationsihps (i'm sort of a psychology of the human buff).

    Again.. sorry.. but you're not paying CLOSE ENOUGH attention. I challenge you to go out and observe dating scenes. i want you to observe who the women end up paying attention to more (and especially the ones throwing themslevs at people). ARe those the guys that are pushing and initiating more? Or the guys sitting back and doing less to convince the girls to be with them?

    Come back in 2 weeks and tell me what you saw.

    As I always like to say. don't believe me. Go out and research it on your own.

    BUT.. i didn't say it was all based on JUST my personal experience. taht was just 1 piece i listed in that whole post.

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