She's blocked and deleted me off everything!! What the hell?

Hello, so I'll start from the beginning, my ex girlfriend and I met at work, I was her manager. We had a staff party and the moment I saw her dancing and singing I knew I was in love with her. We set a date for our first official date, she was over 2 hours late because she was sorting her new flat out at the time haha. Anyways we got together and everything was just Incredible. We had so much in common, and everyone thought we were made for each other, friends, family etc. Last January we went to India together for a month. I had quit my job and planned to continue travelling for a couple months after but after spending the month together I felt I didn't want to do anymore of it without her, so I came home a few days after her. She knew of course because I told her. After I got back to our flat we rented together I planned to use my bonus I was getting from my previous work to pay bills and rent until I found work but they messed me around and took a long time to pay it, so with rent and bills needing to be paid I took out a loan. I never told her about it because I felt that if she knew she would think I was useless, pathetic but also because a part of pride in myself wanting to sort it out myself. We didn't share an account together or anything like that. Anyways move forward to Oct 2018 and the loan still needed paying. We planned to go to Canada together taking our dog with us for a 2 year working visa. The loan company new this and wanted the outstanding balance to be paid in full rather than my usual installments. So I had to use some of my savings for canada and paid off the loan and my credit card. After this I realised that I couldn't afford to risk going to Canada without a good amount of money saved. I had money left over but we planned to go with £5000 each, I now only had £1500 left. I tried so many times to tell her, and then finally it came to couple days before we were to fly. I finally told her about the loan, payment etc and that I wouldn't be able to go to Canada just yet. We have until July 2019 to start our visas. She was clearly upset, as was I, we went to her mums and she stayed there for a few nights. She came home and moved all her stuff out (oh at this point we were staying at my parents having moved out our flat) she didn't say anything and stormed out. Few days and weeks passed with her staying at her mums, and me at my parents, we talked everyday and she wanted prove of my savings and payments of the loan and credit card. I got everything together and gave passwords, confirmation payments etc to her. She seemed to be happy that I showed her I actually had the money and things were OK. I found us a job working together and the first day was great, we laughed and we went to her mums after, walked our dog, and started talking about Christmas and finding a place together again the future and possibly getting another dog and settling down. The next day she was completely different. She had gone to the Cinema with her friends that night happy, and came home totally different. After that it swayed back and forth, no Contact then her asking if we could get a place to live together again. Then exactly 20 days after asking me if we could move in together and us viewing a place she ended it. Saying she can't see how we could go back to how we were. I obviously being so in love told her that I loved her a few times writing her a letter about what she the dog and our relationship meant. Anyways she never changed her mind and at Xmas I had already got her presents, most I couldn't return and I wanted her to have them, even though I knew we weren't together anymore, she accepted them and we didn't really talk, only a merry Christmas and happy new year. Then a week after New year I go onto our dogs Instagram and her name is in black.... I try to click it and find I have been blocked, not only on there but all forms of social media and phone number from her. That's the last thing. Iv never heard any reason as to why, we didn't have a nasty breakup and I accepted her feelings about us. But it's incredibly hurtful I felt to just delete our friendship off 2 years just like that without even saying a word... A message of "I just need time and space away" would have gone a mile. I reluctantly messaged her saying that it hurt and that it's obvious she wants nothing to do with me anymore but I just had to say something because it was horrible the way it has just been deleted. I never stole from her, cheated on her or anything. My crime was one of caring too much what she thought about me because I took a loan out and couldn't tell her. I paid it all off with my own hard earned money. I know a made a mistake but I just feel like a terrible person.. And the blocking and deleting has just made me feel even worse!! All I ever wanted to do was the right thing, and it turns out that my fears of losing her and feeling pathetic which is why I didnt tell her about the loan have all come true. Can anyone give an insight to what the hell is going on?? I don't understand why or how you can just delete people out your lives. She was never willing to meet up and talk about anything and when she ended our relationship it was over text. All I wanted was a civil adult conversation over coffee and to explain why I got the loan. Am I really a bad person? I see other relationships where people have done far far worse and stayed together and it makes me lose all hope!! Any responses or help would be amazing. Oh I'm 31 and she's 25 just to tell you our ages and we were together for 2 years.

Where are the paragraphs? Consider your audience.

You didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth. And waiting until two days before you were supposed to leave for Canada? Yeah, I would have been furious too.

Just give her space. It's common to block and delete people after a breakup. Don't focus on that reflect om why you broke up in the first place.

I met at work,

I was her manager.

I'm 31 and she's 25

we were staying at my parents

together for 2 years.

She came home and moved all her stuff out

The loan is not the problem here. Your lack of character and maturity is.

As a bf, how you pay bills and what you do with your money is your business only and not something you need to share with your gf.

The real issue here, however, is that you two planned to move abroad, got visas, paid for travel, quit jobs, gave up your apartment, otherwise uprooted and TWO days before you were to get on the plane, you suddenly changed course and told her that you can't go and literally left her holding the bag so to speak. That was nuts and I can't blame her one bit for dumping you cold. What explanation do you even need here? It was beyond irresponsible of you. You should have come to her and sought solutions the minute you found out about the loan situation.

Do yourself a favor and don't play victim or cloak your behavior as caring. It wasn't caring at all, it was all ego. If you cared, you would have talked to her long before letting things get this far out of control. I mean think about it, how can she, how can any woman ever trust you as a partner when you hide things like that and spring the problem on them at the very last second. You deserved to be dumped and you shouldn't be surprised that she blocked you from everything. The latter is quite simply normal and what people do post break up. She isn't looking to reconcile and doesn't want to follow you or have you following her and her life on social media. That part is simply healthy.

I seriously hope that you take some time out to reflect and be honest with yourself about your true motivations and the consequences of that.

You lied to her for months about taking out a loan... you waited until two days (??) before leaving to go to Canada to actually tell her... and also this:

Then exactly 20 days after asking me if we could move in together and us viewing a place she ended it. Saying she can't see how we could go back to how we were

and you can't understand why she has blocked you on social media / phone?

She's hurt OP and her trust has been broken. You call it a mistake which it isn't... it was a conscious choice not to tell her what was going on and to avoid taking responsibility.

I suggest both giving her the space to process and taking some time to reflect on your actions and how you might avoid such problems in the future.

You sound like you're very financially irresponsible. You quit your job for no good reason and lived off the last paycheck and depended on a bonus that you say you were "messed around" with by your former boss. Perhaps bonuses don't get paid when people suddenly quit jobs for no good reason? Also you seemed to fall very hard, very fast for this girl, from the moment you saw her you were in love, after a month you couldn't be without her, things went way too fast to be healthy and stable, and then she found out about your poor work habits and irresponsible spending and saving, no doubt she really gave you and the relationship a hard look, probably her mom and other friends and relatives said what are you doing with this guy he's not the type to keep a roof over your head.. and she bolted. from what I've read about you it's completely understandable. Too bad because she apparently liked you and was attracted to you and all that- she just didn't like the rest of it. She's probably thinking long term and if she asked herself "can I have kids with this guy and they will be well taken care of" she probably didn't like the answer.