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Thread: Silent after fight

  1. #21
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    I donít think you messed up at all. You didnít ask her 15 times and pressure her into saying yes. You asked her twice. Twice. Thatís it. Thatís not insistent, thatís not pressure. If I flew off the handle every time someone asked me something twice, itíd be a daily occurrence. And SHE made the decision to say yes the second time. Thatís on her. If she doesnít have the willpower to say ďnoĒ two times, then sheís got no willpower. Making it your fault is a bunch of BS.

    I agree 100% with DancingFool. This girl is not in a mindset to be dating, and youíre putting yourself in a very vulnerable and dangerous situation by continuing an intimate relationship with her.

    Iíd have been furious immediately after learning she wanted to blame me for her decision...and probably dumped her shortly after.

    Donít beat yourself up about it.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    I donít think you messed up at all. You didnít ask her 15 times and pressure her into saying yes. You asked her twice. Twice. Thatís it. Thatís not insistent, thatís not pressure. If I flew off the handle every time someone asked me something twice, itíd be a daily occurrence. And SHE made the decision to say yes the second time. Thatís on her. If she doesnít have the willpower to say ďnoĒ two times, then sheís got no willpower. Making it your fault is a bunch of BS.

    I agree 100% with DancingFool. This girl is not in a mindset to be dating, and youíre putting yourself in a very vulnerable and dangerous situation by continuing an intimate relationship with her.

    Iíd have been furious immediately after learning she wanted to blame me for her decision...and probably dumped her shortly after.

    Donít beat yourself up about it.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts indea08.

    Yeh that's what I was initially thinking as well when we were talking the next morning on the sofa.
    And that's also why I didn't know why she was so mad that night.
    When I mentioned that if she had said no again then I wouldn't have went for it, she immediately said there's no excuse.
    She does have a point, and I agree with it.


    Anyway, I think this relationship is over for now.
    And I'm definitely sad that it's over as I thought we had the potential to go far.

  3. #23
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    One little detail I forgot to mention, or didn't bring up cause I didn't think it matter much to what happened.

    She has anxiety and has been taking meds daily for 3 years now.
    We didn't talk about what triggered her anxiety and she's been managing it and seemed ok since I met her.




    I think I feel like I've messed this up cause it was all going so well, before this.
    And I'm just feeling crap that it has to end so soon.

    I'm feeling tired today, not been sleeping well.
    But I just got to learn from my mistakes and move on right?


    And all your replies are helping me so much.
    While I might not be 100% at fault on this one, it made me realised that I have to listen more, like actually listen, and my actions has to match my words.
    Please keep sharing your thoughts and insights.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    I thinking living and learning is about all you can do at this point. Iím sorry youíre sad that itís ending sooner than youíd hoped, but Iím glad that itís ending with her being upset at a distance as opposed to her slandering you over a decision she was apart of (seriously, what if she decides in her mind she feels violated and goes to the police?! This happens!!). This is for the best.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    She said no to sex and you asked again.
    She gave you several queues that she wanted some space and yet you came back again and again.

    This is the only thing I see you might have done wrong.
    Not the you had sex with her but that you weren't picking up the signs. All of them, collectively.

    Two months in and she didn't feel up to having sex and threw in several excuses along the way.
    So many have taken the road that she's somehow fragile and very damaged

    This could merely be a case of two months that have run their course and it's just not the relationship she was looking for.
    Don't beat yourself up for it.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by coffeeshop
    When I mentioned that if she had said no again then I wouldn't have went for it, she immediately said there's no excuse.
    That's a really lame defense. If you asked her "one more time" and she said no "one more time" you would have stopped asking? She should only have to ask once. It's actually insulting to her for you to say she should have asked a 3rd (or 4th) time in order for you to finally listen to her, if you would have at all. It almost sounds like telling a child to turn off their video game and go to bed. Mom I did turn it off! After you asked me 3 times!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Oh please people, asking twice is not pressuring anyone into anything. Let's not start swinging to extremes here. The real issue here is that this woman is actually completely unstable and taking it out on the OP.

    OP, I'm sorry you are sad, but really, this is for the best. You are seeing her colors, even if it's just for the first time, and someone like that is literally dangerous to be involved with as much as you don't want to think of her that way.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Not reading all the replies.

    She said yes but you could clearly tell she didnít mean it.

    I would be mad at you too. Disagree with the above - it was pressure and you knew better.

  10. #29
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    Someone asks me for something (especially sex) once and I say no, I am going to be all kinds of annoyed if they ask again.

    She may have said yes because she wanted to appease you, because she feared saying "no" again might make you angry, or she has become accustomed to complying to peoples' requests.

    It's best to follow the adage "no means no". "No" does not mean "ask me again because you have a raging boner and want to get off".

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    it was pressure and you knew better.
    I'm not so sure he does.

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