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Thread: Silent after fight

  1. #11
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    I did go into the living room and asked her what's wrong, which she said in an annoyed tone, "I don't want to talk about it right now, I just want to be alone".
    I didn't know what else to say and knew pushing her wouldn't help so I left her alone and went back to my room.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    If that's true, then quite frankly, in your shoes I'd be having serious doubts about continuing a relationship with a person like that. This is dangerous territory that breaches trust in the relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. Meaning that going forward, how can you trust her that when she says yes, she actually means yes and won't roll over and take it back again and again and blame you somehow for forcing her into things. Beware OP. That kind of temper tantrum and willful blame shifting after the fact is a very serious character flaw and one that can potentially land you in jail over a false rape accusation. I mean she is already being ridiculously dramatic and over the top about this situation. If she dumps you, I'd say be thankful and if she doesn't, think about ending things politely yourself.
    I understand what you're saying, that's why initially during the night and in the morning before the talk I was confused.
    I could guess or narrow it down to "what's wrong", but I didn't guess that part.

    This time however, after having reflected on it.
    She is right on the part that I should have just listened to her the first time.

    We'll see how the talk goes.

  3. #13
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    We just talked on the phone.

    I first apologised which she accepted.
    Then she talked about what happened.
    Turns out she had a bad experience before, which she never told me before as she wanted to keep it to herself, and my actions triggered her.
    She then said she has this "mental block" in her head that she's now on high alert and defensive towards me.

    She said I'm a lovely person, but her thoughts is everywhere and she doesn't know how to explain what she wants.
    She can't make plans to see or deal with anyone right now.

    At the end I asked is this a breakup then, which she replied I said I don't know what I want right now.
    Which I said I'm sorry but I just don't understand where I stand.

    Then we ended the call where she wished me a nice evening.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Good you talked. She's right to end things gracefully if she has too much baggage. Is there an on/off bf or ex in the picture? How long before you started dating did she break up?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Good you talked. She's right to end things gracefully if she has too much baggage. Is there an on/off bf or ex in the picture? How long before you started dating did she break up?
    There's no on/off bf or ex in the picture.
    We talked about our exes so we both know each other's past relationship history.
    Before me she had a relationship about a year long which started to fade December 2017, ended last January, and we met in November.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, it sounds like she needs some counseling to help her deal with whatever it is that happened to her. I'm saying this kindly for her sake and yours. It's not fair to either of you or to any guy that she dates for her to have such a reaction and it will destroy her relationships. Shifting blame never helps regardless of underlying reasons.

    I sincerely hope that you don't pile blame and guilt onto yourself because with anyone else, asking twice wouldn't even hit the radar and yes would mean yes without repercussions and drama.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by coffeeshop
    I said I did, and I asked again because I really wanted it at that moment.
    This is REALLY bad, do you see it? Apologizing doesn't change the fact that you make it all about you and your needs. She might as well have been some sort of inanimate sex toy. You wanted it, you wanted it right then and there, you wanted it badly and who cares that she DIDN'T want it? Go take a shower and wack off if you have to.

    Apologies will only get you so far. You need to lose the selfish "all about me" attitude and start showing compassion towards your partner or be ready for constant rejections when they realize how self centered you are.

  9. #18
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Well here is the thing. Her issue with you at the moment is that you don't hear her the first time. So she has asked you for some space and what are you doing yet again? Not respecting her request and pushing and pushing.... so she is becoming more distant as you are proving to her over and over that you just do not hear her. STOP.
    This is exactly the bingo!
    1. you didn't respect her by ignoring her "no" and kept insisting until she said yes
    2. you say things that sound good like "i would never do anything to disrespect and hurt you" - and yet you just did.

    There is a difference between what one says, and what one does. You are consistently sayign 1 thing, then doing the opposite. And that's why she's so frustrated, needs to think about how she feels about it, and needs the time and space to figure out if you're still worth it for her (which i'm sorry to tell you... she doesn't think you are and just wants to make sure and give it every chance before she cuts it off).

    Yo keep doing what you ultimately want in the end regardless of what she says - and so your words and explanations don't hold any credit right now.

    The best chance you have - is to be quiet. let her be. let her dictate for now. and just go alon gwith whatever she says and let her dictate without any influence or pushign from you until you've wone her trust back (but you will never win it 100% back ever again). You just ensured that she will always have to think twice when it comes to you for as long as you two are together (whch may not be that long). And rightfully so.

    She said 'no'.
    its the #1 thing women need to feel respected on
    and you pissed all over it and pushed her until you got it anyway. and you continue to do so in every facet.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Give her space and let her figure out what she wants then. That is what she asked for right?

    If you don't hear from her in a week then give her a call and ask how she is doing and see where it goes.

    This really isn't your burden to carry, she needs to seek out help to deal with what ever this trauma is she is carrying around with her.

    It sounds like a breakup is in the wind and it may not be the worst thing from what you described. Many times when they tell you "I don't know what I want right now" it means I want to break up but I can't bring myself to come out and say it.

    Stay busy, give her some space and check in with her after a while.

    Lost

  11. #20
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    Thanks for the replies guys.

    Yeh I'm giving her all the space. We've not been in contact since out last talk on the phone.

    If I'm honest I was surprised to hear that she had this "bad experience", and that she has not told anyone and been keeping it to herself.
    While I still agree that I've messed up and I should have listened to her the first time, I think I would be a lot more cautious, careful, and handled it differently on this matter with her if she had told me about her bad experience.


    But yes, no excuse, I messed up this one.
    I'm 27 this year and I've had a few relationships in the past, some long some short, some serious some not so.
    I know it's only been 2 months but I did think that her and I could go a long way.
    She's what I've been looking for and we're so compatible.

    I think I'm going to regret about messing this one up, and it'll haunt me from time to time.

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