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Thread: How to Tell my Girlfriend Iím Broke

  1. #1
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    How to Tell my Girlfriend Iím Broke

    Hello all,

    Things are getting serious with me (32) and my girlfriend (29) of 16 months so much so weíre talking about moving in together in 2019. I can honestly say everything is perfect, except my financials.

    Lately sheís been asking about my student debt, savings and plans to buy a home. I donít have the heart to tell her Iím living pay cheque to pay cheque with no savings. My only saving grace is my credit is very good and Iím in a potentially lucrative careeróalthough itís 100% commission so I canít even budget month to month.

    I truly fear sheíll end it with me Ė not because sheís materialistic, but because she wants financial security and freedom Ė hence why Iíve delayed the talk.

    Any insight or advice on how to broach this subject would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
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    If you found out she was broke would you break up with her? Probably not, especially if she's got a good job with potential to make more.

    Be honest with her, hopefully she feels the same way about you.

    She's going to find out sooner or later might as well rip the bandaid and see where her head is at. If she responds negatively better now then when you're sharing an apartment and a lease.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You have to talk to her, you cant avoid it, and the sooner the better. Moving in together is a huge step and you both have to be upfront about the boring stuff like money. If she dumps you for not having much money, you've dodged a bullet that would have hit you sooner or later.

  4. #4
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    What did you tell her when she asked the questions?

    Please tell us you didn't lie or "fudge".

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, share what is actually her business to know. You've barely been together a year and, from what I can tell, the two of you aren't engaged. I think at this stage, asking whether you've got the means to comfortably split rent or for ballpark estimates of when you anticipate accomplishing what would be a joint financial life goal for you two is plenty fair. If you don't think the latter is a ball you could get rolling until you're 35+, then that's what you say. If she wants to know specific figures, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to tell her in kinder words to shove it. Beside the bare minimum she'd be entitled as a prospective partner at this stage, share what you're comfortable sharing.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Be straight with her, this is not something you can hide nor should you.

    If she is any kind of partner, she will understand and work through this with you. Debt is temporary and can't be worked through over time.

    If she bails, then she didn't really love you.

  8. #7
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    I would tell her. You don't want to waste her time if this is something she would leave you for. If she left over this, she probably isn't the type of person who would stick with you in bad times as well as good. It's not like you are freeloading or don't have any interest in seeking employment, etc. You're not alone in the student debt, millions are affected. What are her plans to buy a house? What are her savings? Is she revealing this to you, as well?

  9. #8
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your replies.

    The question was asked if I would break up with her if the situation was reversed. Thatís a great question and the answer is no because Iím certain I am in love with her. Iím confident she loves me too but also fear she doesnít want her time wasted and values security much more.

    Have I fibbed? Somewhat. I told her my debt was about 3/4 of what it actually is but she knows what I earn(ed) and how my commission works so Iíve been upfront in that regard.

    Itís not a matter of if Iíll tell her itís a matter of when. Itís been hanging over me like a dark cloud for months now, and it nearly ruined the holidays with all the extra spending and her questions intensifying. I plan on laying it out honestly, explaining how I got here (paid my way through two degrees, non profit wages, etc.) then telling her how I plan on rectifying matters.
    Last edited by Goodfellas; 01-08-2019 at 01:18 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok. Start talking to your financial planner and CPA and get a good budget, tax strategy and saving plan together. Start reviewing and cutting down on redundant or unnecessary costs. Set up a viable and well organized financial plan. If you need extra income to pay off debts then consider moonlighting somewhere.

    The problems will be recurrent unless you address the root cause rather than make excuses about student loans. Do this for YOUR future, not her or 'her need for security" or husband shopping maneuvers. Never put on an act for someone or use lies sadly only to attract gold-diggers.

    Also stop talking about moving in. Be honest and tell her you are not ready to move in. Sidestep her husband hunting inquisitions. Your finances are none of her business.
    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    weíre talking about moving in together in 2019.
    Lately sheís been asking about my student debt, savings and plans to buy a home.
    Thanks in advance

  11. #10
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    Agree. The issue is not how to tell her... its how to fix the problem. Start saving! Make a plan. Then you will have the answers to the questions she asks. She doesnt want to know that you are rich she just wants to know that you are working towards the same goals she is.

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