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Thread: How to Tell my Girlfriend I’m Broke

  1. #31
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    The difference is his debt becomes her problem if they get married. If she’s at home paying down debt, she’s being smarter.
    Yes, but I needed to move out of my parent’s basement for work and sanity reasons.

    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    If I remember correctly, Goodfella was in another relationship previously with a woman who was close to 30 and hadn't left home. There seems to be a pattern there.
    Incredible memory! Difference is the ex was a 34 year old, established teacher for a decade who’d never flown the nest while my current is a recent grad who’s lived abroad. I never considers my failure to launch trend though. 🤔

    I just got off the phone with her and she wants to book flights to Chicago for March this weekend. I think that’s a perfect time to tell her my current situation. Here’s hoping she’s receptive to the news. 🤞🏽

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. Comparing how a grown adult man handles finances/debt responsibly and how a spoiled child mooching off mommy and daddy sees the world is like comparing apples to oranges. It's not about who has what in savings, it's about significant immaturity and inexperience.

    The worst part will be the shock she feels having to act like a responsible grown up with real life bills when she moves out from mommy and daddy's protective next. What if she has to conserve electricity or not buy a fancy new phone every year? What if her money has to go toward groceries, toilet paper, etc instead of clothes, makeup, etc?

    You can expect a plethora of arguments if you live together. Her concept of responsibility and living independently is nonexistent.
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    someone living with mommy and daddy and saving money. Sh e would not be saving if she had rent, renter's insurance , utility bills , etc.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    OP, I didn’t say you made a bad decision. I wouldn’t want to live at home either.

    But she’s allowed to want stability. Sounds like OP is working on it and the only issue is a bit of a fib on amount of debt. Fine! Just clarify. OP had a good post summarizing this many posts ago - I feel like now we’re beating the dead horse

  4. #34
    Member PerkyGreek's Avatar
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    A lot of good points were brought by these people, I just want to go back to your original post. This is your main problem:

    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m living pay cheque to pay cheque with no savings.
    ...
    we’re talking about moving in together in 2019.
    Consider not to bank on
    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    My only saving grace is my credit is very good and I’m in a potentially lucrative career
    Credit runs out and your potentially lucrative career is still just potential.

    You will need to find all the courage to tell her the truth, just as many here have already advised. And this is where the rubber meets the road. You have the right to know who is this person you are committing to but she also has the right to know who is this person she is committing to. Doubts, things you have not discussed, change in plans or preferences, harsh words, are what break up relationships. Finances, job, etc are just the kindle.

    If she cannot accept who you are and what you have right now, that is better [for some] rather than suffer daily with “you did not tell me this,” “You promised so and so,” “I did not sign up for this,” and so on. This is the reality: finances affect relationships because money-related problems are guaranteed to come and strain the relationship. What more when you have kids.

    This is, of course, just my opinion, and I hope it helps in some way.

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  6. #35
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    If you want to marry her, don't move in with her -- instead plan an engagement and a wedding (she can move in while engaged if its more convenient to do so when a wedding date is already set). Before anyone jumps on me - i get it - some people don't get married and just want to live together, but if you want to get married -- rushing to move in - don't be so quick. to me, if someone, particularly a woman is pushing to move in with their significant other - they are trying to force/create a "step to marriage" or sort of make their claim. wait another year - don't move in this year. you don't have to get engaged either - but just take more time getting to know eachother.

    I don't think you should tell her your entire budget - just say very matter of factly that you would like to do this more often -- booking rooms, trips, because you know she likes to travel, but after your student loans and rent that you don't have a lot leftover. And leave it at that. And see if it goes somewhere or not convo- wise.

  7. #36
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    As usual, eNA comes through. I was planning on telling her EVERYTHING before valentines day but now I feel better telling her the main points this weekend.

    Thank you all!

  8. #37
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    Maybe don't thank us until after this weekend.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I wish you good luck and hopefully you'll update:)
    I think it will be a relief off your shoulders to no longer be keeping up that bit of front about what you can actually afford. It's awesome you are going for some financial advice too.
    The combo could see you making strides in 2019!

  10. #39
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I wish you good luck and hopefully you'll update:)
    I think it will be a relief off your shoulders to no longer be keeping up that bit of front about what you can actually afford. It's awesome you are going for some financial advice too.
    The combo could see you making strides in 2019!
    Grazie! 🤞🏽

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