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Thread: Does it ever get easier?

  1. #1
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    Does it ever get easier?

    My ex and I broke up almost 6 weeks ago and Iíve been NC for 4 weeks. I would love to get back together with him but I am also doing this to heal. My question is, does it get easier? When does it get easier then? I thought I was doing better. I felt better and a little stronger and Iím so proud of myself for not contacting him in any way. Iíve been going out with friends once or twice a week and have felt better. Then last night and today I just completely broke down and cried. I feel so worthless and alone again. Iím so depressed. I feel like the deeper feelings of sadness came back after I thought I was getting better and now I feel like Iím back to square one. Iíve had this same experience many years ago and donít remember how long it took me to finally heal, get over it, and move on. This relationship, the love was so different and I just miss him so much. I think about him all day, everyday and I canít stop. I donít know what to do at this point to make myself feel better. Iím struggling once again. Any help or advice you can offer me would help me so much.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Honestly, 4 weeks of NC and just barely 6 weeks out of a relationship is very very short amount of time. So be kind to yourself and actually allow yourself to grieve a little. Allowing yourself to grieve and wallow a bit is actually not only OK, but can help you heal faster overall. Let the grief and pain out so to speak. It's normal what you are going through right now. It takes more than just a few weeks to heal and truly to start feeling better. Meanwhile, the pain does show up in waves. Sometimes you feel fine, other times you break down in tears and feel bad. With more time, the bad times just become less and less and one day, you are just fine and reach peace. It kind of sneaks up on you, realizing that you are finally totally over it.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    For me, it would normally take 4 to 6 months. I wouldn't consider getting back together. On again off again relationships aren't meant to be. If the person doesn't care enough to work on issues, they are just not that into you. Although it doesn't seem like it right now, fate has someone better in store for you, and one day you'll be happy your ex is your ex. I know that's how it happened for me. Take care.

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    have you ever seen those big ships that cross the Atlantic? Sometimes they have smooth sailing days and other days they just get pounded by big waves. But no matter the weather, the ship continues to go forward. What you are feeling is natural and don't let it get to you especially on those heavy days. Just because a big wave hits you doesn't mean you go right back to the docks, just means at that moment you are moving slower, but you are still moving.
    Ill be honest with you, you will find someone else, you will be happy and you will fall in love again. That is a fact and its going to happen. What you are missing right now is the feeling of being loved, cared for, being touched, hugged, kissed, caressed and it felt good and you don't have that and you are missing it. That feeling can be re discovered with someone new. I know you are going to say this felt different and the love felt different and that's because you are changing, you are evolving and love will evolve with you. The next person you meet will have a deeper feeling and its going to make you happier than the last guy.
    Just know that you will be happy again. I know it sucks and I know time cant go faster. You are doing just fine. Also one other thing.. Recovery or the 'steps' to healing are not linear. Its not like you go from step 1 to 6 then go right back to 1 and start over. Its more like a swing that you are on with many points along the way. You might swing on sadness, then you might swing to anger, then denial but every so often you will hit acceptance and that's why you feel like Im over it. Eventually as time goes on, you will hit and stay on acceptance. You will get there.. don't force it because you cant so just do what you are doing, you are doing fine

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    Yes it gets easier.

    Time is your ally here, because while it will take a while - months - before you really heal, time will go by and it will happen.

    All you can do really is focus on the process of NC including self improvement, and stick at it.

    Even after a year you might have occasional brief moments thinking about them (I do), but you shake them off more easily. It becomes a curiosity rather than something impulsive.

    I commented here once that if I was feeling lazy about going to the gym I would look at the ex's social media to kick into action. That was after about 8 months. Doesn't work anymore.

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    @No1

    I absolutely love this response. Everything you said makes so much sense. I canít tell you how good this made me feel. I even teared up a bit. Youíre so right on everything. I just need to stop being so hard on myself because I know itís ok to grieve sometimes and to have bad days. Sometimes I struggle wondering if Iíll ever get through it and truly get over him. I even wonder if Iíll ever find anyone else. I would like to but I wouldnít even know where to start or where to go. I just want to be happy again and to be my usual cheerful self again but it seems like the feeling will never come. Thank you so much for you reply.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by No1
    have you ever seen those big ships that cross the Atlantic? Sometimes they have smooth sailing days and other days they just get pounded by big waves. But no matter the weather, the ship continues to go forward. What you are feeling is natural and don't let it get to you especially on those heavy days. Just because a big wave hits you doesn't mean you go right back to the docks, just means at that moment you are moving slower, but you are still moving.
    Ill be honest with you, you will find someone else, you will be happy and you will fall in love again. That is a fact and its going to happen. What you are missing right now is the feeling of being loved, cared for, being touched, hugged, kissed, caressed and it felt good and you don't have that and you are missing it. That feeling can be re discovered with someone new. I know you are going to say this felt different and the love felt different and that's because you are changing, you are evolving and love will evolve with you. The next person you meet will have a deeper feeling and its going to make you happier than the last guy.
    Just know that you will be happy again. I know it sucks and I know time cant go faster. You are doing just fine. Also one other thing.. Recovery or the 'steps' to healing are not linear. Its not like you go from step 1 to 6 then go right back to 1 and start over. Its more like a swing that you are on with many points along the way. You might swing on sadness, then you might swing to anger, then denial but every so often you will hit acceptance and that's why you feel like Im over it. Eventually as time goes on, you will hit and stay on acceptance. You will get there.. don't force it because you cant so just do what you are doing, you are doing fine


    I absolutely love this response. Everything you said makes so much sense. I canít tell you how good this made me feel. I even teared up a bit. Youíre so right on everything. I just need to stop being so hard on myself because I know itís ok to grieve sometimes and to have bad days. Sometimes I struggle wondering if Iíll ever get through it and truly get over him. I even wonder if Iíll ever find anyone else. I would like to but I wouldnít even know where to start or where to go. I just want to be happy again and to be my usual cheerful self again but it seems like the feeling will never come. Thank you so much for you reply.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Honestly, 4 weeks of NC and just barely 6 weeks out of a relationship is very very short amount of time. So be kind to yourself and actually allow yourself to grieve a little. Allowing yourself to grieve and wallow a bit is actually not only OK, but can help you heal faster overall. Let the grief and pain out so to speak. It's normal what you are going through right now. It takes more than just a few weeks to heal and truly to start feeling better. Meanwhile, the pain does show up in waves. Sometimes you feel fine, other times you break down in tears and feel bad. With more time, the bad times just become less and less and one day, you are just fine and reach peace. It kind of sneaks up on you, realizing that you are finally totally over it.
    I guess it really hasnít been long enough. Youíre right about being kind to myself because Iíve actually been the opposite. Iíve been hard on myself telling myself I need to snap out of it and go out and do things when all I want to do is sit in my room alone and cry everyday. It doesnít help having my mom and my friends in my ear saying to forget him and keep myself busy. Itís easier said than done. I donít know how long to allow myself to grieve before I start to feel better. Some days are better than others and I hope itís only up from here. Thank you so much for your reply.

  10. #9
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    Yes it does

  11. #10
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    healing isnt linear, but as time progresses you will find that good days outweigh the bad days more and more. Dont beat yourself up if your down in the dumps one day


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