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Thread: Weight and Men vs Woman

  1. #1
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Weight and Men vs Woman

    This is something that I have dealt with for my entire life (my own personal weight fluctuates like a rollercoaster from year to year as i can be 200lbs one year and 165lbs another at 6ft tall, and it all depends on my life and what is happening that kind of dictates it (stress, etc). it also seems that no matter who I speak to I believe I get the same reactions and arguments so im wondering what everyone on here thinks!

    When a Guy is skinny most people poke fun at the person for being scrawny etc, offering things like go to the gym, eat a hamburger etc - woman too are judgmental because in todays society a thin male figure doesn't portray a "manly man" one who cant protect them, fight off bears whatever. Yes we are dabbling into self confidence levels here and not caring what anyone thinks and you should love youself stuff - but I don't think people actually realize that men are very concerned about there weight, almost as much as woman are we just don't talk about it for fear of not sounding like a manly man! Being called skinny, scrawny etc sucks! And what I notice to is when you haven't seen someone in awhile the first thing they say is wow you lost weight - meaning a good compliment , however it you had put on weight you wouldn't have someone say hey wow you put on weight, good to see you - Also there is more respect by other guys (ive experimented with this) when you are a bigger guy, your also looked at differently when your thin ...

    Now on the flip side say you have a woman struggling with her weight, well you cant call them fat etc, if they are skinny than you make the argument about binging etc and all there weight issues are valid so to say because you cant comment on a womans weight -

    Now say you have an argument between a skinny male, and heavy female and the female calls out the male and makes fun of his weight why is that ok and not ok for the male to fire back - purely hypothetically or you can flip that scenario same difference-

    Overall I think people need to understand it goes both ways - of course most men want to be the muscled up, full head of hair good looking athlete that society says we should be - sometimes men have issues like woman which effects weight and maybe we are struggling with life etc - I don't think its fair that its one sided and woman make men feel they always have to be this jack of all trades guy -

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    I don't find it one sided -I find there are different generalizations that vary by gender. I will share this anecdote. My mother is in her 80s. She has always been slim, never dieted. But in the last 10 years or so she's been underweight. She does what she can to maintain/gain. She looks great other than too thin. She really really dislikes people making unsolicited and negative comments about her weight and assumptions about her health -as she puts it, if she were fat they'd never comment so why comment because she is underweight?

    When I dated in a major city for about 24 years it was much much easier for a woman to be slim/thin (which I am). It also was much easier for men who were taller than average height and difficult for short men.

    I think it's inappropriate to comment on someone's weight ever. The end. If someone asks then you offer your advice/insight, etc. I think it's fine to say in general "you look great!" especially if you see the person in exercise clothes/exercising, etc. My friends and I talk about diet and exercise but not like you are describing -in an informational/encouraging way not with all the negative cliches you mentioned. And the purpose is never to comment on weight but to share insights on health and fitness.

  3. #3
    Member MrAdversity's Avatar
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    Your right, however in my experiences that is never the case ...I can remember a time where I suffered from great anxiety (a lot going on in my life with all kinds of things) and my grandfathered had just passed - I went to the funeral like 15 -20 lbs thinner than normal and the slack I took from my family, friends etc even going back to work (funeral was on a vacation week) I was bombarded with comments from coworkers

    I just cant see how if I had gained a ton of weight it would have been the same honestly - and that's why I have concerns over this topic I feel as if society does this to us - woman and men should look a certain way and in all seriousness people will treat you differently as you look a certain way -

    I experimented with this obviously when I was thinner I was treated horribly and had some of the most cruel things said to me and no one even asked why or what was going on they just wanted to know what the hell happened to me , than years later 20lbs heavier I cant even count the times when someone commented on my weight except to talk about going to the gym to get buff -


    Another example my step father recently went on a health kick gym, eating better etc. Lost a good amount of weight but healthy ways - my wife the other day saw him at a function and was like Wow your melting away over there and he took offense to that in a snarky way No Im not melting away! Im working out - i guess there is a way to talk to someone about this if you have to but i think you hit it on the head there really shouldn't be any reason to talk to someone about there weight unless brought up by the person themselves - its very awkward and i hope people can grasp what im saying here you just never know how sensitive people can be about the topic

    **This also brings up the topic how do woman view men and if a males weight is of importance?!?

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    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    It does go both ways, which is why it's important to empathize with both men and women who experience it. Speaking extremely generally and strictly in terms of conventional attraction, I think women can "get away" with being skinny but out-of-shape, and men can get away with carrying an extra few pounds. I emphasize "generally" because even for myself, being 5'7", having a bit of a gut makes me look like George Kastanza, while a guy who's 6'0"+ is more likely to be rocking old school Christ Pratt "dadbod." Still, while a pound of fat makes me more portly in proportion, a pound of muscle shows more as well. That standard is easier for me to achieve, so it's harder for me to complain.

    Line up any make or model of humans and they'll all have a legitimate gripe for their aesthetic expectations. Some will have more than others by no fault of their own. The world can be pretty unforgiving and standards slow to relax. Best we can do is prioritize happiness and confidence in ourselves, lead by example and not be d1cks to other people simply for their looks, and work to whatever strengths our particular genetics have gifted us.

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    Are you saying that it is socially acceptable to criticize a man for being skinny but never socially acceptable to criticize a woman's weight? I understand that comments on a man's weight are not considered as big a faux pas as comments made about a woman's weight but it seems pretty obvious to me the reason why: a woman's looks are stereotypically, unfairly, socially generalizingly more important to her worth in society than a man's looks. Whereas to criticize a woman for not making much money or for not being very powerful is not as big an insult as to criticize a man for not being a powerful success in life.

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    I think certain people that are close to you like close family and friends should be able to inquire after your weight if there is a noticeable or drastic change.

    People in your life ask because they care about your health and well being and I think it's no big deal to just give a brief explanation so that they don't worry. Sometimes you may not even see the change yourself so having someone who is close to you ask about it can be the catalyst for healthier change like going to the doctor or making healthier choices

    Though some people ask because they are nosy or want something to gossip about, and if they are close enough to you then you would prob know that already and in that case you do the have to answer them

    And as for strangers or people who barely know you, just ignore it. Ideally random people would not comment on the appearance of others but we don't live in an ideal world. Just let that stuff go. The opinions of the people you care about are what matters most

    I've always been very thin, and have gotten all sorts of negative comments from people over the years because often people think I'm too thin, even as a woman. I try not to let it get to me. I know that some men prefer heavier or curvier women, and some like thin women. I think the same applies to men. My husband likes me just the way I am, and he would still find me attractive if I were a bit heavier too. His weight tends to fluctuate more than mine, and he gains weight very easily. I don't mind him having a few extra pounds, though I like it also when he's trim from regular exercise. He never gets too muscled out, and I prefer that anyway, I've never liked super buff guys. I guess my point is that there is no one size fits all approach, everyone has different preferances
    Last edited by happpybear; 01-08-2019 at 03:53 PM.

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    Originally Posted by happpybear
    I think certain people that are close to you like close family and friends should be able to inquire after your weight if there is a noticeable or drastic change.

    People in your life ask because they care about your health and well being and I think it's no big deal to just give a brief explanation so that they don't worry. Sometimes you may not even see the change yourself so having someone who is close to you ask about it can be the catalyst for healthier change like going to the doctor or making healthier choices

    Though some people ask because they are nosy or want something to gossip about, and if they are close enough to you then you would prob know that already and in that case you do the have to answer them

    And as for strangers or people who barely know you, just ignore it. Ideally random people would not comment on the appearance of others but we don't live in an ideal world. Just let that stuff go. The opinions of the people you care about are what matters most
    Oh of course if it's a health issue and especially if you're asked. I would not comment on someone's weight unless they look unwell. And then I would comment about looking unwell and see if the person you're already close to offers information.

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    Yes exactly, also when they look good too.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by happpybear
    Yes exactly, also when they look good too.
    Sure - "you look great!" but no I would not comment specifically on the person's weight. Just like I wouldn't say "hmmm -did you get breast implants? or is it just a different bra?"

  11. #10
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    Yeah for sure, I think most people who care who ask discreetly and sensitively, if they ask at all

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