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Thread: Am I an insensitive jerk?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Iím generally a happy person and when Iím sad Iím able to work through stuff in my own head and move on from it.

    But I find myself just being annoyed with my friends always being down.

    SOme of these frieds are not simply "feeling down". your friend lost a sibling and a long term relationship - a genuine traumatic recent past. Have a bit more compassion for that. I agree with boundaries, but sitauations like that are genuine and not something that you could just turn your frown upside down on.

    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Try moving them from ruminating mode into a rational problem solving mode by interrupting to ask them, "How can I help?" Don't allow them to just say "I don't know..." and them move back into rumination. Call them back to the question. Ask them to come up with something tangible that you can offer your time to help them resolve.

    This moves their focus onto thinking through possible answers. If they still come up with nothing, tell them, "Well, my offer stands. If you come up with a way that I can help you, let me know. It can even include going with you to a therapy session and staying in the waiting room until we celebrate afterward. Until then, let's start this new year with a new focus on enjoying our time together."

    You don't need to play therapist to everyone in your life. You can set boundaries that limit dumping on you in favor of other things, and if they aren't interested, they can contact you when they are.

    Head high, and be proactive about changing how you're willing to spend YOUR time.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Hi- I can relate to your post. I have friends going through difficulties in their lives and they always come to me for advice. I would love to help them and excited to see their lives being changed but since they donít completely follow, they are still stuck in their situation.

    One thing I learned from helping others, all I can do is give them the help they need but itís up to them if they will do it. I cannot change them because they have their own choice. The best thing I can offer is to pray for them. And Iím praying also for myself that I will not get tired of doing good to them and I can apply wisdom by setting some boundaries. I still see them feeling down because of their own choice and itís hurting me because I want them to enjoy their lives.

    I can see that you have a good heart and you have good intentions for others. I pray that you will have the strength and wisdom as you extend help to others. Thank you for sharing this, God bless.

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