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Thread: Is this too over the top for a second date?

  1. #1
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    Is this too over the top for a second date?

    Had a nice first date with someone a couple hours away, she actually had vacation abroad planned for the next few weeks, so planning a second date. Exchanged a few messages since the first date, my read is things are going well. We are both _very_ active 50+'s, dinner and show (or something like that) for the second date I think would be boring for both of us, we both love the outdoors. This may be a third or tenth date...but I want to propose this as our second date, namely I'd rather both of us have fun no matter how the relationship goes:

    1. Pick her up mid-afternoon and drive about 3 hours to a Inn and have dinner
    2. I'll book separate rooms for us, after one date certainly anything else would be a bad idea!
    3. Next day snowmobile up in the mountains
    4. Return her home that night

    I'll foot the bill, no way I'd propose something like this and expect her to pay.

    Reasoning and worries:

    o Reasoning: I want to have fun, can't really think of anything during the winter knowing our personalities to do local.
    o Worries: On the flip side, I don't want to scare her by this being too radical a second date, or make her uncomfortable heading out of town for a night with a guy she just
    barely met. Also, even though I could care less about the money, she can do the math probably $800 or so which again make her uncomfortable.

    Question 1: Is this too over the top?
    Question 2: If it isn't too over the top, how should I propose this so as to make her feel the most comfortable?

    Advice appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wait a while for any overnight thing. Even if you emphasize separate rooms, there is to much room for misunderstandings. It's also a bit too much too soon.
    Originally Posted by LiteWait
    1. Pick her up mid-afternoon and drive about 3 hours to a Inn and have dinner
    2. I'll book separate rooms for us, after one date certainly anything else would be a bad idea!

  3. #3
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    For me, an overnight of any type is far too much for a second date.

    While it's not a bad idea, in terms of the planned activities, I would not be comfortable going away for a weekend with a man I barely know. Tuck away the plan, and save it until you've dated a while longer.

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    Wayyy OTT for a second date, but also a bit freaky for someone who doesn't know you yet. Not just the overnight stay, but the three hour drive to an unknown location; that would unnerve me with someone I didn't know.

    Your idea is more the kind of activity which would be great if you had decided mutually if you were in a relationship, but why don't you just stick to dinner and chat while you still get to know each other, without the distraction of other stuff?

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  6. #5
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    Agree with others.

    Also you mentioned your goal for this date is to have "fun."

    When you're into each other, you will have fun no matter what you do, heck getting ice cream and walking about town is fun -- again when you're really into each other.

    You don't need to try so hard to impress her, with money, your sense of adventure or anything else.

    That, in and of itself, can be a turn off.

    On these very realy dates, best to keep it low key, relax and get to know each other.

    Save these elaborate dates for later on, when you're in a relationship.

  7. #6
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    Ok, thanks for the input, consider my hand slapped. Really want to find something active we kind of even joked about how lame going to dinner and show or something was.

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    On one of our very early dates, my bf and I rented bikes and drove to Julien (small country village 30 miles away), explored the village, ate home made hot apple pie, walked about the village, talking, laughing, kissing, clicking, then went to a quant little cafe for dinner, drove home.

    It was local and relatively low key, but still super fun, adventurous, romantic, intimate.

    Why? Because we were super into each other!!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LiteWait
    Ok, thanks for the input, consider my hand slapped. Really want to find something active we kind of even joked about how lame going to dinner and show or something was.
    Indoor tennis, indoor rock climbing. I mean there are active things to do in town if you really want to even in winter. However, it seems like you are trying way too hard to impress her and that the negative/critical talk on your first date has left you somewhat on edge about what to do with her. Chill out, she is only human and likely there was more talk and you both showing off than any real comfort developed to actually pursue outdoor activities right now.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    The fact that you are even questioning and unsure how to propose it to her it tells me you know the answer to your own question here.

    If you don't want to do dinner and a show that's all well and good but I am sure there is some middle ground in there... like bundling up and going for a walk, snow shoeing if you have snow, skiing / snowboarding if you have mountains nearby, etc. I am active and love the outdoors but would definitely not be okay with going out into the middle of nowhere with a guy I barely knew, or with the pressure of staying overnight in a hotel with him even if there were separate rooms.

  11. #10
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    Yup way too over the top. Mainly because it violates her boundaries. that would set a red flag for me.
    1) Do not trap someone you are just getting to know on a 3 hour car ride.
    2) You have no regard for what her plans are the next day.
    3) its too expensive for the stage in dating and if you did propose a trip like this later down the road, you should be collaborating and planning it together.


    if you and she are both outdoorsy, i am sure there is a place within 40 minutes of you that has ice skating, or a winter festival.

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