Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 26

Thread: Is this too over the top for a second date?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,601
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    For me, an overnight of any type is far too much for a second date.

    While it's not a bad idea, in terms of the planned activities, I would not be comfortable going away for a weekend with a man I barely know. Tuck away the plan, and save it until you've dated a while longer.


    Same. I wouldn't feel comfortable for a overnight date with a stranger on second date even if on separate rooms. It's too much too soon.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    24
    I get it folks. I'll just need to curb my enthusiasm ... precisely why I asked here.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,718
    I would assume you wanted to get me into bed. Too soon and too much.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    24
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I would assume you wanted to get me into bed. Too soon and too much.
    That right there is enough for me to slam on the brakes!

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,058
    That is a whole lot of extra. Being frank, she would or at least should be put off buy a guy who'd feel so compelled to drop 800 bones and drive her 6-hours round trip just to have the benefit of her company. You're establishing very early on that this is the value you bring. And unless the whole sugar-daddy thing is something you two both talked about and want, you should be put off by a woman who would be comfortable taking you up on such a second date. And while I actually agree that a movie on a second or first date isn't the best idea (moreso for the fact two people generally aren't going to be comfortable enough to even be holding hands during it than its lack of novelty), there's a pretty big ass DMZ between that and a weekend in Aspen.

    Plus, there seems to be some pretty big disconnects going on in your head trying to plan this out. Firstly, that after all your funding, hours of driving her, and her being out of town with a near stranger, you think whether she has a second room could make or break her comfort level. Honestly, I think she'd be more put off trying to figure out why a dude pulling all this isn't even looking for the benefit of a decent lay. And second, how many people in your life who you actually know and like do you think you'd be comfortable spending 36+ hours with? Why make that bet involving someone you've on a single occasion had a decent dinner conversation with?

    I'll give you the benefit of "based on your personalities, not knowing what you could do in town" just being an excuse to wow her, in which case the others here have offered you plenty of great activity-based ideas, but if the intersection of your interests is genuinely so limited you've got to involve road trips and spending nearly a grand by date #2, it's probably best to stick a fork in this one sooner than later.

    Others (and I guess myself as well at this point) have drilled it pretty hard that a woman would be put off for any number of reasons, so I'll take this final moment to emphasize that you need to dig up some self-respect and a sense of value into what you bring. You've got a personality as well. You don't need to go over the top with your time and money supplementing it to make it worth her gracing you with her presence.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    24
    Wow I am taking a beating, maybe deservedly so. What makes me chuckle is I really have no idea where the relationship might go of course, not even trying to impress her, just wanted something super-fun.

    That being said, obviously not knowing me, her view of it could (like you said) head in many different directions, none of them good.

    We can stand down, I learned my lesson :-)

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,116
    Gender
    Female
    Date at a normal pace. That means, for a 2nd date, I wouldn't go past 6 hours together. If there's a cute town halfway between your homes, where there are quaint shops and bistros, go there for an afternoon of lunch and looking inside boutiques or a local museum.

    If the two of you worked out longterm, what would be the implications of one of you having to move to close the distance? Is this doable as far as careers and family ties? It's not too far, but could still make a major impact for some in this situation. Make sure you don't waste your time dating her if one of you can't eventually move. Not that you should ask this question on the second date. Just something for you to start thinking about.

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    24
    Great questions. Already discussed deal-breakers like distance we are both mobile and not tied to any area. 6 hours makes sense as I get my head around this. For us this might be a 6 hour hike as shopping and bistros fall to the bottom of our activity list.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,482
    Gender
    Male
    I don't want to pile it on, but: yes, over the top. I remember your earlier post, so I know you're in a bit of an eager state—just recognize that, so you can keep it in check. Because I don't think this whole scenario is even really about her, or impressing her, so much as a reflection of how much you long to be in a relationship. Because, minus the separate rooms, that's the sort of getaway you do with a girlfriend, not someone you're just exploring.

    It's the sort of thing you might talk about during a second date—like, wouldn't it be fun to ride some snowmobiles some time?—but what are you actually doing while having that talk? Eating ice cream, sipping wine, making eyes, maybe some making out.

    Reminds me a bit of my best friend. Bless him, love him, but dude is kind of immune to taking things at a normal pace. He spent his whole 20s and early 30s with one person, so he's kind of a fish out of water at 35. Always goes from Bumble date one to something like year 2 with this second date—in his case it's often cooking at his apartment, because he loves domesticity, craves what he had with someone for so long. Still, it always amps things up too quickly—yeah, it's fun to feel like you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but you have to allow real time for that to develop.

    I'm no expert, but I do date a lot, and connect well with people. Early dates to me are generally confined to pretty pedestrian stuff: a glass of wine, a meal, a walk around a lake, a beer on a bench. They're about talking and listening. Because, hey, with the right person is there anything more fun that that? Is there anything hotter? Whether you're looking to get laid or get loved, it's not going to come from a baller snowmobile trip at minute five of connection time. It's going to come because someone felt seen and heard and liked what they were hearing and seeing.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,387
    Old family friend would rent a plane, and fly his date out for lobster in Maine. He always then complains how they turn into gold diggers. No need to lead with your wallet. You are ENOUGH to enjoy dinner and a show. Focus on getting to know eachother. A dinner and a show is plenty awesome! If you don't want to do a show, and want to talk, go to an art exhibit, museum, etc. But a play, opera, musical is plenty exciting to bond over when you see it together.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •