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Thread: Girlfriend going on cruise with single friends

  1. #1
    Bronze Member AloneNoMore's Avatar
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    Girlfriend going on cruise with single friends

    I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends it's a cruise that goes to Honduras Mexico and other places for 7 days.

    I have never been in a relationship with this type of situation when in a relationship vacations or traveling was always done together as a partnership.

    The cruise is something that concerns me I don't know if it's due to jealousy or if it's due to not being in the situation before.

    she would be the only one on the cruise that's in a relationship the rest of them are all single and free.

    Part of me wants her to schedule something instead with me and her or as a group rather than her going with single friends because in my mind it's something you do when you're single and not in a relationship.

    looking for any insight or advice of anyone that might have also had the same concern or any outside perspective

    How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I went to California for 7 days with my girl friend, and went to France for 9 days with my other girl friend. My husband told me to have a great time. When I was gone, he detailed my car. When I got back, he wanted to see all of my photos.

    Always trust a partner unless you are hit in the face with a real reason not to. Your partner meets people of the opposite sex every day--at the grocery store, at work, etc. What is so different about going on vacation? Just because she's with single ladies doesn't mean she's some bubble-head who will follow the lead of her buddies.

    It's healthy for couples to spend some time apart with their own independent lives. It's you who has to change for the better of this relationship and expect she will be faithful, and realize it's unhealthy to be joined at the hip for every activity.

  3. #3
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    You donít - because in my opinion, you are being unreasonable.

    This trip was planned before she met you. In no way should she change her plans and ditch her friends because she has now met a guy (you). The same should go for her other friends. September is still quite far away. One of them could very easily be in a relationship by then. Itís also unreasonable to ask them to change the dynamic (and rooming situation and therefore costs) if the trip to accommodate you.

    What has you worried about this? Do you not trust her? Because if not, thatís a major problem in itís own right. You need to be able to trust your partner in all places and situations - not only when you are present.

    After this trip, going forward - sure - all vacations are up for discussion (because it involves limited finances and limited vacation time from work, etc)... but trips that were in the works before you met? Thatís just what it is.

    Why donít you get together with some guy friends that week and go fishing or cottaging or whatever it is you like to do with your guy friends? Let her go and have her fun. Sheíll love you more for it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. At 12-16 weeks of dating telling her "your concerns" will come off as massively insecure and controlling. Tons of people go on cruises in groups all the the time. If somewhere down the line, you are still dating (if this insecurity hopefully subsides), you can plan a trip together. Loosen up.
    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore
    I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months. How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore

    I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends it's a cruise that goes to Honduras Mexico and other places for 7 days.
    September is 10 months away for goodness sake. You have only been dating 3-4 months, very early stages. Anything can happen between now and then, you need to chill!

    Relax and enjoy your relationship and stop projecting so far out in the future.

    IF you are still dating in 10 months, deal with it then however I see absolutely nothing bad or wrong with either partner vacationing with friends while in a relationship.

    Lighten up, you sound way too intense, which will eventually suffocate her, turn her off so be careful with that.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-07-2019 at 11:08 AM.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore
    Part of me wants her to schedule something instead with me and her or as a group rather than her going with single friends because in my mind it's something you do when you're single and not in a relationship.

    looking for any insight or advice of anyone that might have also had the same concern or any outside perspective

    How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her
    I would tell you to kick rocks if you came to me with the same ideas and "concerns." It would signal to me that you are too insecure and unreasonable in your expectations, and that we are probably not a match - particularly if this was scheduled before I even met you.

    You would essentially be telling her you don't trust her. When you don't have trust, you don't have much of a relationship.

    You need to work on either trusting her more, or finding a partner whose views are the same as yours.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member AloneNoMore's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies so far and I know what has been said is how I should approach and view it. I think sometimes we all get too much in our head and outside advise or views help see things correctly.

    She had a trip also previous to me to see family in couple weeks and without me saying anything she got me tickets next to her on the flight but also invited me out to meet parents and all family and stay with the family for a week.

  9. #8
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    It sounds like things are going well so far, OP. It doesn't appear she has given you a reason not to trust her.

    So I am curious where you insecurity stems from. Why do you feel people in relationships should not travel with their single friends?

  10. #9
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    Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

    Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member AloneNoMore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

    Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.
    Think that's where some of it stems from and cruises have allot of stigma for hookup culture the whole on a boat, lots of alcohol , and I know staff get fired for hooking up with people outside of staff but they still do it and they on a boat for awhile. Lots of partying and the thought of it's not life since your pulled into this illusion.

    Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

    On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

    She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

    On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.

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