Girlfriend going on cruise with single friends

I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends it's a cruise that goes to Honduras Mexico and other places for 7 days.

I have never been in a relationship with this type of situation when in a relationship vacations or traveling was always done together as a partnership.

The cruise is something that concerns me I don't know if it's due to jealousy or if it's due to not being in the situation before.

she would be the only one on the cruise that's in a relationship the rest of them are all single and free.

Part of me wants her to schedule something instead with me and her or as a group rather than her going with single friends because in my mind it's something you do when you're single and not in a relationship.

looking for any insight or advice of anyone that might have also had the same concern or any outside perspective

How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her

I went to California for 7 days with my girl friend, and went to France for 9 days with my other girl friend. My husband told me to have a great time. When I was gone, he detailed my car. When I got back, he wanted to see all of my photos.

Always trust a partner unless you are hit in the face with a real reason not to. Your partner meets people of the opposite sex every day--at the grocery store, at work, etc. What is so different about going on vacation? Just because she's with single ladies doesn't mean she's some bubble-head who will follow the lead of her buddies.

It's healthy for couples to spend some time apart with their own independent lives. It's you who has to change for the better of this relationship and expect she will be faithful, and realize it's unhealthy to be joined at the hip for every activity.

You don’t - because in my opinion, you are being unreasonable.

This trip was planned before she met you. In no way should she change her plans and ditch her friends because she has now met a guy (you). The same should go for her other friends. September is still quite far away. One of them could very easily be in a relationship by then. It’s also unreasonable to ask them to change the dynamic (and rooming situation and therefore costs) if the trip to accommodate you.

What has you worried about this? Do you not trust her? Because if not, that’s a major problem in it’s own right. You need to be able to trust your partner in all places and situations - not only when you are present.

After this trip, going forward - sure - all vacations are up for discussion (because it involves limited finances and limited vacation time from work, etc)... but trips that were in the works before you met? That’s just what it is.

Why don’t you get together with some guy friends that week and go fishing or cottaging or whatever it is you like to do with your guy friends? Let her go and have her fun. She’ll love you more for it.

No. At 12-16 weeks of dating telling her "your concerns" will come off as massively insecure and controlling. Tons of people go on cruises in groups all the the time. If somewhere down the line, you are still dating (if this insecurity hopefully subsides), you can plan a trip together. Loosen up.

I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months. How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her

 

I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends it's a cruise that goes to Honduras Mexico and other places for 7 days.

 

September is 10 months away for goodness sake. You have only been dating 3-4 months, very early stages. Anything can happen between now and then, you need to chill!

Relax and enjoy your relationship and stop projecting so far out in the future.

IF you are still dating in 10 months, deal with it then however I see absolutely nothing bad or wrong with either partner vacationing with friends while in a relationship.

Lighten up, you sound way too intense, which will eventually suffocate her, turn her off so be careful with that.

Part of me wants her to schedule something instead with me and her or as a group rather than her going with single friends because in my mind it's something you do when you're single and not in a relationship.

 

looking for any insight or advice of anyone that might have also had the same concern or any outside perspective

 

How do I bring up my concern or feelings to her

I would tell you to kick rocks if you came to me with the same ideas and "concerns." It would signal to me that you are too insecure and unreasonable in your expectations, and that we are probably not a match - particularly if this was scheduled before I even met you.

You would essentially be telling her you don't trust her. When you don't have trust, you don't have much of a relationship.

You need to work on either trusting her more, or finding a partner whose views are the same as yours.

Thanks for the replies so far and I know what has been said is how I should approach and view it. I think sometimes we all get too much in our head and outside advise or views help see things correctly.

She had a trip also previous to me to see family in couple weeks and without me saying anything she got me tickets next to her on the flight but also invited me out to meet parents and all family and stay with the family for a week.

It sounds like things are going well so far, OP. It doesn't appear she has given you a reason not to trust her.

So I am curious where you insecurity stems from. Why do you feel people in relationships should not travel with their single friends?

Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.

Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

 

Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.

Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.

Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

 

Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc.

 

But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.

 

I'm sure this made him feel much better.

I'm sure this made him feel much better.

I'm sure this made him feel much better.

lol my thoughts exactly....

Seriously though OP, while I can understand you having feelings about it, taking action would be a relationship killer at this stage. If she is committed the relationship at that point she will be fully capable of setting boundaries, acting with integrity and making good decisions no matter who or what is around her.

Sounds like this girl is pretty independent, and may be a bit less serious about this relationship then you are.

Maybe your talk with her should be about where you stand as a couple.

A few weeks doesnt seen long enough to be so concerned about this, but it also sounds like this is a habit for her.

Think that's where some of it stems from and cruises have allot of stigma for hookup culture the whole on a boat, lots of alcohol , and I know staff get fired for hooking up with people outside of staff but they still do it and they on a boat for awhile. Lots of partying and the thought of it's not life since your pulled into this illusion.

 

Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

 

On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

 

She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

 

On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.

She is a grown woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Your patronizing attitude can easily kill your budding relationship, especially so early on in dating. As some other posters already said, if a guy came to me with this kind of an attitude, I'd toss him out of my life so fast, his head would be spinning.

What this all comes down to is that you don't trust her. Ironically, that raises questions about you and your own character. Would you cheat in her shoes because ....you know....life on a cruise is not "real" so it's all totally excusable because clearly cruises are just a giant orgy? Sounds like you are judging her by yourself and what you would do......

I hope you do come to your senses and realize that you are being absurd.

Put the whole floating Vegas thing to rest.

This is 10 months away—deal with it then.

This woman sounds awesome. Just got you tickets to join her on another trip, has plans to do her own thing with friends down the line. Taking care of herself, thinking of you—um, that's the golden balance.

Don't let caveman paranoia get in the way.

*ten years from now, you and she are married and have friends over for a BBQ*

Her friend 1: “You guys remember that girls trip we took down to Mexico on that cruise?”

Her friend 2: “YES!! Wow we had so much fun!!”

Mrs.AloneNoMore: “You mean the one I didn’t get to go on because my husband wouldn’t let me?”

Don’t be that guy. You don’t take wonderful memories and rich experiences away from people you love, even if you aren’t included in the memory/experience. You encourage the people you love to make as many amazing memories and have the best life and experiences they can.

I go on girls trips all the time, and this would NOT FLY with me

And yes, I’ve been in relationships at the time.

Once, I went on a cruise with 3 single friends, and I was in a new relationship at the time. When I returned, he apparently had tried to send me flowers on the ship, but it never went through. I was so touched by that thought (I knew it was genuine), that it made my feelings for him grow deeper.

You will push her away with these insecurities as it will feel like control to her.

You’re being unreasonable. She’s gonna want to go on girls-only trips, in the same way you’d want to hang with the boys. By that time you’ll be able to gauge whether or not you trust her, and then go from there.

Find something to do to keep yourself busy and let her have fun with her friends.

Yep I'll see how it goes by the time of cruise if it still bothers me or concerns me I'll do what I gotta do at that point either stay or leave the relationship. I don't want to feel like I'm robbing her of any experiences so I'll make the decision at that time if I wish to stay or leave.

Granted the trip isn't for another several months, but you are where you are right now. At three months, you're not familiar enough with her to extend her the necessary amount of trust. And, honestly, she's probably not familiar enough with you to fully commit to passing up an opportunity to enjoy a guy for a couple nights when there's alcohol, attractive people from all over the world, and an inherently romantic setting all put together. Is that saying cruise ships are essentially an "orgy?" No. But you do have a fairly precarious combination of circumstances and a relationship so new that being faithful is much more a matter of principle than merit. It doesn't make the cheating any more excusable, but it's plenty rational to be aware it's common enough within such a context.

If my wife told me tomorrow she booked a cruise with her friends, I wouldn't bat an eye. If she told me when we'd first started dating, I'd most likely and sincerely wish her a great time and to shoot me a call after the cruise if she's still single unless I were absolutely confident in and comfortable with the idea I couldn't know, wouldn't know, and thus wouldn't care what happens. Conversely, I can't imagine having a boozy cruise planned with my single friends and being ambitious enough to start dating with the intent to commit leading up to it. Does that mean everyone would be as sex-minded about it as I'd be? No. But all I know is myself and enough people-- men and women-- like me. And while I absolutely, 100% agree I or she shouldn't be told not to go on the cruise or even asked not to, it's a near guarantee of a relationship headache that I'd rather not deal with if it simply means I gotta be single for those extra few months.

What you need to do is mentally come at it from the angle she's 100% going to go, and what your threshold is and will be from that point. You're losing a lot of sympathy points from others and myself for thinking to ask her not to go, and worse, disingenuously doing so under the guise of her own safety rather than your insecurity over the event. If I'm honest, I don't see you trusting her to the extent you'd need to even after another several months, and I think you can take a double-pronged approach of doing some serious reflection on your own ideas of how trust and autonomy should flourish in a relationship while dating the million and one other women out there who aren't dating with what's essentially a singles cruise lined up.

Granted the trip isn't for another several months, but you are where you are right now. At three months, you're not familiar enough with her to extend her the necessary amount of trust. And, honestly, she's probably not familiar enough with you to fully commit to passing up an opportunity to enjoy a guy for a couple nights when there's alcohol, attractive people from all over the world, and an inherently romantic setting all put together. Is that saying cruise ships are essentially an "orgy?" No. But you do have a fairly precarious combination of circumstances and a relationship so new that being faithful is much more a matter of principle than merit. It doesn't make the cheating any more excusable, but it's plenty rational to be aware it's common enough within such a context.

 

If my wife told me tomorrow she booked a cruise with her friends, I wouldn't bat an eye. If she told me when we'd first started dating, I'd most likely and sincerely wish her a great time and to shoot me a call after the cruise if she's still single unless I were absolutely confident in and comfortable with the idea I couldn't know, wouldn't know, and thus wouldn't care what happens. Conversely, I can't imagine having a boozy cruise planned with my single friends and being ambitious enough to start dating with the intent to commit leading up to it. Does that mean everyone would be as sex-minded about it as I'd be? No. But all I know is myself and enough people-- men and women-- like me. And while I absolutely, 100% agree I or she shouldn't be told not to go on the cruise or even asked not to, it's a near guarantee of a relationship headache that I'd rather not deal with if it simply means I gotta be single for those extra few months.

 

What you need to do is mentally come at it from the angle she's 100% going to go, and what your threshold is and will be from that point. You're losing a lot of sympathy points from others and myself for thinking to ask her not to go, and worse, disingenuously doing so under the guise of her own safety rather than your insecurity over the event. If I'm honest, I don't see you trusting her to the extent you'd need to even after another several months, and I think you can take a double-pronged approach of doing some serious reflection on your own ideas of how trust and autonomy should flourish in a relationship while dating the million and one other women out there who aren't dating with what's essentially a singles cruise lined up.

I grew up in a different environment and relationships from parents and family where once a relationship starts to get more concrete the single life goes away. Call it old school or whatever term.

In my mind I consider it a singles cruise since it was scheduled due to her breakup from the ex and also due to her not feeling the best about herself at the time.

I also know that if I'm going into it already knowing there is a great chance of me pulling out as I believe it's going to go over my threshold of what I want or find acceptable in a partner there could be hurt down the line in 8-10 months especially since I'm meeting the parents and family in a week and staying in their house.

I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.

I've been on tons of trips with all ladies or work trips on my own with plenty of boozing and partying, and I remembered to keep my pants on each time. I think asking someone to stop hanging out with their best buds, and cancel a trip they've been planning, I'd think you have a ton of baggage from other experiences and annoyed you are taking it out on me. I think your anxiety is stemming from somewhere, but not from her.

Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

 

Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.

Think that's where some of it stems from and cruises have allot of stigma for hookup culture the whole on a boat, lots of alcohol , and I know staff get fired for hooking up with people outside of staff but they still do it and they on a boat for awhile. Lots of partying and the thought of it's not life since your pulled into this illusion.

 

Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

 

On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

 

She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

 

On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.

I'm sure this made him feel much better.

I didn't say he should act out on his anxiety about the trips. However, I do see the basis of his concerns.