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Thread: Girlfriend going on cruise with single friends

  1. #21
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Granted the trip isn't for another several months, but you are where you are right now. At three months, you're not familiar enough with her to extend her the necessary amount of trust. And, honestly, she's probably not familiar enough with you to fully commit to passing up an opportunity to enjoy a guy for a couple nights when there's alcohol, attractive people from all over the world, and an inherently romantic setting all put together. Is that saying cruise ships are essentially an "orgy?" No. But you do have a fairly precarious combination of circumstances and a relationship so new that being faithful is much more a matter of principle than merit. It doesn't make the cheating any more excusable, but it's plenty rational to be aware it's common enough within such a context.

    If my wife told me tomorrow she booked a cruise with her friends, I wouldn't bat an eye. If she told me when we'd first started dating, I'd most likely and sincerely wish her a great time and to shoot me a call after the cruise if she's still single unless I were absolutely confident in and comfortable with the idea I couldn't know, wouldn't know, and thus wouldn't care what happens. Conversely, I can't imagine having a boozy cruise planned with my single friends and being ambitious enough to start dating with the intent to commit leading up to it. Does that mean everyone would be as sex-minded about it as I'd be? No. But all I know is myself and enough people-- men and women-- like me. And while I absolutely, 100% agree I or she shouldn't be told not to go on the cruise or even asked not to, it's a near guarantee of a relationship headache that I'd rather not deal with if it simply means I gotta be single for those extra few months.

    What you need to do is mentally come at it from the angle she's 100% going to go, and what your threshold is and will be from that point. You're losing a lot of sympathy points from others and myself for thinking to ask her not to go, and worse, disingenuously doing so under the guise of her own safety rather than your insecurity over the event. If I'm honest, I don't see you trusting her to the extent you'd need to even after another several months, and I think you can take a double-pronged approach of doing some serious reflection on your own ideas of how trust and autonomy should flourish in a relationship while dating the million and one other women out there who aren't dating with what's essentially a singles cruise lined up.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member AloneNoMore's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Granted the trip isn't for another several months, but you are where you are right now. At three months, you're not familiar enough with her to extend her the necessary amount of trust. And, honestly, she's probably not familiar enough with you to fully commit to passing up an opportunity to enjoy a guy for a couple nights when there's alcohol, attractive people from all over the world, and an inherently romantic setting all put together. Is that saying cruise ships are essentially an "orgy?" No. But you do have a fairly precarious combination of circumstances and a relationship so new that being faithful is much more a matter of principle than merit. It doesn't make the cheating any more excusable, but it's plenty rational to be aware it's common enough within such a context.

    If my wife told me tomorrow she booked a cruise with her friends, I wouldn't bat an eye. If she told me when we'd first started dating, I'd most likely and sincerely wish her a great time and to shoot me a call after the cruise if she's still single unless I were absolutely confident in and comfortable with the idea I couldn't know, wouldn't know, and thus wouldn't care what happens. Conversely, I can't imagine having a boozy cruise planned with my single friends and being ambitious enough to start dating with the intent to commit leading up to it. Does that mean everyone would be as sex-minded about it as I'd be? No. But all I know is myself and enough people-- men and women-- like me. And while I absolutely, 100% agree I or she shouldn't be told not to go on the cruise or even asked not to, it's a near guarantee of a relationship headache that I'd rather not deal with if it simply means I gotta be single for those extra few months.

    What you need to do is mentally come at it from the angle she's 100% going to go, and what your threshold is and will be from that point. You're losing a lot of sympathy points from others and myself for thinking to ask her not to go, and worse, disingenuously doing so under the guise of her own safety rather than your insecurity over the event. If I'm honest, I don't see you trusting her to the extent you'd need to even after another several months, and I think you can take a double-pronged approach of doing some serious reflection on your own ideas of how trust and autonomy should flourish in a relationship while dating the million and one other women out there who aren't dating with what's essentially a singles cruise lined up.
    I agree I am going to approach the months leading up to it knowing there is a chance I'll end the relationship before or after the cruise probably more so then not.

    I grew up in a different environment and relationships from parents and family where once a relationship starts to get more concrete the single life goes away. Call it old school or whatever term.

    In my mind I consider it a singles cruise since it was scheduled due to her breakup from the ex and also due to her not feeling the best about herself at the time.

    I also know that if I'm going into it already knowing there is a great chance of me pulling out as I believe it's going to go over my threshold of what I want or find acceptable in a partner there could be hurt down the line in 8-10 months especially since I'm meeting the parents and family in a week and staying in their house.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member AloneNoMore's Avatar
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    I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

    I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.
    Last edited by AloneNoMore; 01-07-2019 at 02:31 PM.

  4. #24
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    I've been on tons of trips with all ladies or work trips on my own with plenty of boozing and partying, and I remembered to keep my pants on each time. I think asking someone to stop hanging out with their best buds, and cancel a trip they've been planning, I'd think you have a ton of baggage from other experiences and annoyed you are taking it out on me. I think your anxiety is stemming from somewhere, but not from her.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    Oh, I get the guy's anxiety. Have you seen some of the ads for cruises? It is not really about the girlfriend, it is about the exposure to temptation shown in the marketing.

    Of course, as others have pointed out, she can meet someone in the grocery store, at work, etc. But some cruises are marketed as a way to have a floating Las Vegas adventure.
    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore
    Think that's where some of it stems from and cruises have allot of stigma for hookup culture the whole on a boat, lots of alcohol , and I know staff get fired for hooking up with people outside of staff but they still do it and they on a boat for awhile. Lots of partying and the thought of it's not life since your pulled into this illusion.

    Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

    On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

    She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

    On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I'm sure this made him feel much better.
    I didn't say he should act out on his anxiety about the trips. However, I do see the basis of his concerns.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore
    I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

    I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.
    Are you serious??????

    You'd end it because she went on a cruise with her friends?

    Please, for her sake, end it now. Trust me, she'll enjoy the cruise much better, knowing there are guys out there who will wish her a great time and welcome her home in his arms, vs. someone who's going to be p*ssed off because she "dares" to go on a cruise.

    My my. Seems you will be "AloneAgain", rather than AloneNoMore.

  8. #27
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends
    You seem to overlook the fact, time and time again, that she booked this cruise before you guys started dating! You make it sound like you guys have been together for years and then she went out and booked a cruise with her single friends. YOU are twisting things around and making massive mountains out of molehills. Dating only 3-4 months and already YOU are showing signs of massive insecurity, clingy, neediness and control issues (imo).

    This was booked before you came along - she has every right to go with her friends. Don't be a jerk about it.

    Originally Posted by AloneNoMore
    I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

    I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.
    Seriouslly!!!! Man, I have no words. Truly gobsmacked. You'd seriously end a relationship just because she goes on a cruise with friends - which was booked BEFORE you even came into the picture? This isn't about her. This is about YOU!! I'm not trying to be mean, but seriously dude, you've got issues. You need to look within, deep within, and figure out where all this is coming from, because if you don't, before you know it, you'll be alone once more. Get help.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When I was single I went on a 7 day cruise with a friend who had a bf. She was faithful, because either people are or they are not. Being in a hedonistic environment doesn't suddenly make an ethical person unethical.

    If your plan is to break up when she gets back, it's the opposite of what you think. She'll kick herself for not seeing the red flag that you can't handle a girls-only vacation, and wish she'd been single for the cruise so she could've banged the hot entertainment director.

  10. #29
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    The problem appears to lie entirely with you. It's not about her at all. If she had done something to betray you or even something to question her trust and loyalty that would be another matter.

    Seems like you aren't even exclusive and it's only been 3-4 months.

    My gf went on a cruise within the first 6 months I didn't give it a second thought.

    Work on your insecurities or they will come back to bite you.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    You automatically assume that your GF is going to be unfaithful to you while on this cruise? Break up with the poor girl now!!!

    I have been on many cruises, drunk quite a few cocktails, met some lovely people, and not once have I dropped my knickers for anyone. And guess what, I am single!!!!!

    Yes there are some people that go on a cruise to get laid, but if she has a wonderful bf waiting for her when she gets home, why would she even consider it?

    You need to realise that there are people in the world who will always cheat & others who never will.

    The ones that will dont need cruises, or alcohol, or anything out of the ordinary, they will just cheat. Be it their work colleague, neighbour, friends, blah blah blah.

    Most girls go away with their gfs to have fun with their gfs. We arent on the prowl for men, we go to laugh & have a great time.

    If you really feel this strongly break up now, dont string the poor girl along for 10 more months.

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