Being friends with the ex's family

Is it okay? I mean they weren't involved in anyway and they still treat me with respect even though I'm distancing myself from them... They always seem happy to see me when i pick my daughter up, always try involve me in family events etc, ask me to do things for them, its a just awkward because it just don't feel the same anymore like it used to be....

What are your thoughts?

I think it is good to be on cordial terms with your ex's family, especially if you have a child they will be seeing regularly. I don't think you should get too buddy buddy with them going forward, but what does it hurt to be on friendly terms?

As long as you have to see them when you get your daughter, it's best to maintain a decent rapport with them. It's for your daughter's sake (those are still her grandparents) and really has nothing to do with your ex. However contact outside of that is not required, nor is socializing with them unless it's in the context of your daughter.

They always seem happy to see me when i pick my daughter up, always try involve me in family events etc, ask me to do things for them.

Thanks,

Won't think any thing less or more of this :-)

I think being on friendly terms is fine when there's a child involved.

However, I would be careful to put appropriate boundaries in place now that you are broken up. Attending family events and doing things for them could put both you and the ex in an uncomfortable position, particularly when one or both of you starts dating someone else. I would keep things cordial and kind, but I would also put some healthy distance there.

EDIT: I just read in your previous thread that your ex-wife let you for her affair partner and started a family with him while you were still married. I have a feeling her family feels a lot of sympathy for you and miss you, and want you to know there are no hard feelings from them, but for your sake, it would be best not to remain too close. You will have a harder time moving on if you are still integrated into their lives to that degree.

That family is part of your child's wider family. Biology is what it is.

So even if you are uncomfortable with this (because of the history Miss C mentions), you need to take one for the team here - for your daughter's happiness.

Not suggesting you attend any/every function, but popping in for a coffee (briefly) when you collect her at Christmas or whatever - you can do that for her, easy.

If she wants you to go to her birthday party or similar, put on your body armor and do it.

Eventually she'll work it out at age 16 or so (not sure how old she is) and tell you to text her when your outside so you don't have to put up with it.

I had to suck that up Bigboss (my situation was not quite as bad on the facts), didn't like it at the time, but I am glad I did it now.

Stay strong for her.

Thank you peeps, just feels weird and awkward staying there if they ask me too, actually trying to distance myself from them...

@miss Canuck, you are right, the reason why I say so is they don't even like this man my ex left me for, but o well she is his problem now lol

Birthday parties we do seperatly as my family does not want to be associated with my ex and her new man doesn't want her around me...

Thank you peeps, just feels weird and awkward staying there if they ask me too, actually trying to distance myself from them...

 

@miss Canuck, you are right, the reason why I say so is they don't even like this man my ex left me for, but o well she is his problem now lol

Yes, exactly. Her choices are not related to her family's preference, so even if it seems foolish, it's not their call.

Let him deal with her now.

 

Birthday parties we do seperatly as my family does not want to be associated with my ex and her new man doesn't want her around me...

What does your daughter want?

I'd involve myself to the degree that it encourages my children to feel comfortable bonding with them. I'd be clear with my boundaries, though, should they overstep and attempt to inquire about my love life or discuss my ex in any way.

It's not an all-or-nothing deal, it requires adult discretion, just like anything else.

Head high.

Hey Ray Ray, my daughter is too young to say what she wants now but she has mentioned that she would like to have me, her mother and her "brother" together for birthdays etc...

Hey Ray Ray, my daughter is too young to say what she wants now but she has mentioned that she would like to have me, her mother and her "brother" together for birthdays etc...

Its hard (I know), but you would only have stay civil for an hour or two... do what she wants if its manageable.

The affair guy not wanting you around the ex suggests to me a level of insecurity*, or that things are not all rosy and she compares him to you etc. If he tries to stop you being there, that is more his problem than yours.

[*unsurprising in the circumstances].

The affair guy not wanting you around the ex suggests to me a level of insecurity*, or that things are not all rosy and she compares him to you etc. If he tries to stop you being there, that is more his problem than yours.

Yep from what i hear, the affair guy is controlling, manipulative, sly, sometimes he doesn't help her out with the child, has alot of hot girls on his facebook profile (last time I checked months back lol), funny thing, she spent Christmas by her mom and he was nowhere to found mmmm...

so yeah wish her all the best in forging a life with him despite the circumstances...