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Thread: We've known eachother for 5 years but we're still not close enough

  1. #1

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    We've known eachother for 5 years but we're still not close enough

    So I have a girlfriend, who's been my best friend for the past 5 years online, but we only kind of recently got together 5 months ago.

    We both have our problems and flaws on both sides, as does everyone, but i'm starting to think a lot of it is on my side. I have a lot of self esteem issues i'm trying to work on, and she's already said she hates it when i put myself down, it makes her just feel like leaving (not leaving the relationship), anyway- I'm trying not to make this too long but i'll cut to the chase, sometimes it really feels like we're not as close as we can, or should be. I let small things get to my head too often, let them consume me, and sometimes even break down without even telling anyone aside from my mother.

    She started talking to an ex again a few days ago, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, it made me feel like crap. "What if she starts liking him again?" "What if she loses feelings for me?" "They're probably talking and flirting right now."

    Although, she usually doesn't talk to me much when she's busy socializing with other people, and sometimes it makes me a little paranoid, but the ex thing made me extra paranoid. I'm always scared to talk to her, or anyone- about my feelings because I'm afraid of being seen as sensitive or clingy.
    Sometimes I notice her acting different because there's something on her mind, and she doesn't tell me. Or something will be wrong and she'll say "I don't want to talk about it.", I never know how to help, and it kills me. It's not like I can give her a hug because we're 3,000 miles apart.

    Sorry, I think i'm getting a little off topic, there's been a lot on my mind.

    TL;DR
    How do we get closer? I feel like there's this huge wall in the way, and I don't know how to get rid of it. Sometimes it feels like we're so distant but that might just be me overthinking at the time.

    Also- is this even the right category to talk about this? I feel like it could quite easily go into 'Trust and Relationships', 'Emotions and Feelings', or 'Relationship Communication", can someone let me know which would be best? unless i'm not allowed to post the same thing in more than one category, then uh, maybe nevermind.

  2. #2
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    Have you met her in person ?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry you got caught up in this type of thing. Have you ever met in person? LDRs are very difficult. It feels distant because it is distant, trust your gut.

    Since this is doing you more harm than good it would be best to stop contacting her. A therapist is the best person to talk to about all this because they can help you. Your mother and what may be a catfish are not good outlets for this. Also step away from the screen and start expanding your real life social circle. Start dating real life local girls.
    Originally Posted by Ecilop
    my best friend for the past 5 years online. we're 3,000 miles apart. I feel like there's this huge wall in the way. it feels like we're so distant but that might just be me overthinking at the time.

  4. #4
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    Yes, first and foremost - have you met this girl in person?

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Have you met her in person ?
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Yes, first and foremost - have you met this girl in person?
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry you got caught up in this type of thing. Have you ever met in person? LDRs are very difficult. It feels distant because it is distant, trust your gut.

    Since this is doing you more harm than good it would be best to stop contacting her. A therapist is the best person to talk to about all this because they can help you. Your mother and what may be a catfish are not good outlets for this. Also step away from the screen and start expanding your real life social circle. Start dating real life local girls.
    No, we've never met in person. But I'm very aware she's not a catfish. We've video chatted multiple times and even our parents spoke once on call a few years ago. It feels distant but not literally, more emotionally.

  7. #6
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    How old are you?

    Why aren't you dating someone like cal?

  8. #7
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    Without being too mean on here. You are dating in a fantasy world. Its been 5 years and you two have yet to meet in person? After 5 years, you cant describe whats it like to touch her, hold her hand, give her a hug, You have never heard her voice without a speaker. I would hardly say you have a girlfriend. For all you know she could have a boyfriend and only talk to you when she wants to.
    Have either of you made attempts to 'meet'? If you cant afford to even do that where do you think this 'relationship' can go? Im not trying to be mean, just honest.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ecilop
    How do we get closer? I feel like there's this huge wall in the way, and I don't know how to get rid of it. Sometimes it feels like we're so distant but that might just be me overthinking at the time.
    This irony in this ^^

    I am sorry poster. I mean no disrespect, but you need to ask yourself some questions. Where do you see this going? What did you expect? And how do you make a virtual relationship look and feel like a real life one?

    You can't get closer.
    There is a huge wall (distance) between you and unless you move you can't get rid of it. Trying to figure out anything less is overthinking it.
    This is all it will be.


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