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Thread: Broke but in love..

  1. #11
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    Does he have a job?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He needs to write you a check for the money he owes you, not dazzle you with a candy bar. He's not 5 years old. He's using you because you allow it.
    Originally Posted by Lexy2018
    he will try to do something nice for me, even if it's just a candy bar.
    It's just the loaning money that i'm still bothered with.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    What you see is what you get and it's foolish to think someone will change. His family dynamic is that they struggle with money, borrow, and then have to be bailed out. Expect the same if you two got together permanently, in marriage, and he will still be bailing them out when he works and expecting you to pay for everything. Another negative? On and off again relationships aren't meant to be. People who really care will never let their partner go. They stay and work on issues together.

    Time for your brain to mature and learn from life experience. Even if someone is cute and sexy and kind, without all of the other major needs that should be on your must-have list, like financial stability, the relationship is not good for you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I don't know if this case is similar in that aspect or not but I had a ex who was a mooch and I allowed it too. It was many years ago. He'd reminded me of isolated situations long ago where he'd done something for me like paying me dinner or something when I'd be firm about not giving him money. I hope he's not manipulating you like that. But even if he's not, I feel that he's taking advantage of you. I'd recommend to never give money like this and support men like this if you're not legally married to them.

    By giving him money like this you're making it comfortable for him to rely on your money and not paying back because there's no consequences.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I don't know if this case is similar in that aspect or not but I had a ex who was a mooch and I allowed it too. It was many years ago. He'd reminded me of isolated situations long ago where he'd done something for me like paying me dinner or something when I'd be firm about not giving him money. I hope he's not manipulating you like that. But even if he's not, I feel that he's taking advantage of you. I'd recommend to never give money like this and support men like this if you're not legally married to them.

    By giving him money like this you're making it comfortable for him to rely on your money and not paying back because there's no consequences.
    And don't support men you are married to, either. Only in the case of emergency or losing a job. It should be temporary. You should NOT be supporting men.

    Why isn't his mother working? Is he working?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When you consider lending money to friends, family, or a boyfriend, you really need to look at it as a gift to that person. Meaning that you don't hold your breath on the idea that they really will pay you back. It's kind of like if they do, great, and if they never do, no skin off your back. So lend with that in mind and if the amount is too much to be written off as a gift or you know you'll get resentful if they don't pay you back, then learn how to say "no, sorry, no can do." It's an old principle of never mix friendships and money or you'll end up having neither.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    And don't support men you are married to, either. Only in the case of emergency or losing a job. It should be temporary. You should NOT be supporting men.
    I totally agree with you. I was going to add it to my post

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Lexy2018
    My mom knows he can't help me out in the financial area so thats why she doesnt support the relationship.
    That's not why. Well it's part of the bigger picture but its not THE reason.

    The reason your mom doesn't support the relationship is because he's financially irresponsible and his life will always be a mess. It's a lot more than just "not being able to support you". Good chance he'll continue to sink because of bad decisions, poor work habits, lack of responsibility and accountability and you will forever be cleaning up his messes and living a life full of stress because the bills will always be paid in the order of priority and not all at once. It's no way to live.

    Also generally speaking guys with the sort of mindset that has resulted in them not having steady work and being broke tend to have other bad habits as well, including but not limited to gambling addiction, alcoholism, greater chance of cheating, verbal and physical abuse .. the list goes on and on. Does he smoke? I bet he does.

    Yes I'm generalizing to some extent but know this- people who exhibit bad behavior in one area often do it in other areas. The reverse is true as well. Go find a guy with a six figure income, with a nice house who dresses well and isn't going to be a financial burden. You will be much happier in the long run.

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