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Thread: Sex on first date

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Stop waving your insecurities all over. Go on the second date and give it a good shot. Donít keep talking about how insecure you are - itís clear you already told him some variant of that - just go and have fun
    I didn't tell him how I am insecure, I just said I didn't like having sex on first date.

  2. #22
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    "Men go hard for what they want, but no one ever really want me...
    I see my female friends being spoilt, loved, doted on by their partners.
    I have no one.
    I went on dates, many of them. No men ever treat me or want me the way like they are 'truly into me' or that I am worth it. So many didn't even seem into me after the first date and contact dwindled. No one is ever crazy about me.

    No one is ever super keen about me.
    The ones I loved, I gave them everything and all I got was heartache.
    No men ever loved me and I doubt anyone ever will.

    I thought I was attractive. Why? Is it because I am not attractive enough?

    But I am giving up. I don't think I will ever be loved.

    What can I do to feel hopeful again?"

    You need to get your self esteem in check. Have you considered counseling?

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why dd you say that?? You need to reach out to this guy and see if he wants to get together. I can see why he has pulled back.

    "Out of your league." Why?
    because physically, he's hot and really good looking. I am sure most girls will swoon all over him.
    I am just an ordinary girl next door, some might say I am attractive but I don't think I am attractive 'to get anyone I want / wrapped around my fingers' - but he is that.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    Why did I say what?

    You need to reach out to this guy and see if he wants to get together. --> are you telling me what I have done or what I should do?
    " He asked if I lost interest and I said I am not sure."

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    because physically, he's hot and really good looking. I am sure most girls will swoon all over him.
    I am just an ordinary girl next door, some might say I am attractive but I don't think I am attractive 'to get anyone I want / wrapped around my fingers' - but he is that.
    I am more impressed by someone's character, education and accomplishments.

  7. #26
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    Blueowl, I think it was purplepaisley who said this, but some men act a bit weird (pull back a bit) after sex no matter how long it takes for it to happen.

    Stop overthinking, he called and wants to take you out again. If you choose to go, keep focus OFF sex. Go out have a good time, get to know each other outside the bedroom, and allow this to play out.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Do you want to get to know him?

    You've got all these ideas about him, but are doing everything to block actually getting to know the guy.

  9. #28
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    Blueowl, stop allowing your fears and anxieties to steer this ship, which is what's happening imo.

    HE is going to sense it, and turn him off.

    After which you will probably accuse him of "only" wanting sex and "using" you, not realizing your anxieties, insecurities, and low self-esteem after sex are what turned him off.

    Why are you attempting to self-sabotage? Refer back to my first sentence for answer.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Blueowl, stop allowing your fears and anxieties to steer this ship, which is what's happening imo.

    HE is going to sense it, and turn him off.
    This.

    There is nothing, nothing wrong with having sex on a first date. Nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to question. It's like any other experienceóyou do it, see how you feel, and change your behavior in the future if needed.

    I've had a lot of first/second date sex. For what it's worth, as a man it doesn't make me think of a woman any differently. Some I've gone on to date long term, others not, but the reasons were hardly because we jumped into bed quickly.

    He's reaching outójust go with it.

  11. #30
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    So you slept with this guy really fast. You fret and worry that he's pulling back and not interested. He expresses that it's quite the opposite, and he'd like to see you again, and what do you do?? You express that you just don't know and get all wishy-washy...PICK ONE sweetie! Don't date if you're not ready, but don't do this back and forth, you're all in and then suddenly "I don't know" garbage. This is the EXACT thing that got you all wrapped up in anxiety, in that it felt like HE was pulling back and suddenly changing course, and now suddenly you're doing this to him? You need to let go and enjoy getting to know him, and if you're not in a place to do this, you need to step back and fix yourself...be ready. You fret he didn't text as often, then you toss out this insecurity and you're not sure and you don't know?? It's not his job to placate you. Figure out what you want and go for it.

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