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Thread: Sex on first date

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I don't know why but my co-worker divulged he and his future wife slept together on their first date. For them, it was lucky they hit it off and had the same relationship goals. Because that's what it is--luck, because you don't know the person well enough to know what their dating goals are and it takes longer to know if you're compatible in all ways. Whereas, a close friend of mine waited 4 months before being intimate and that relationship died 6 months later.

    Since this experience made you feel bad, in the future avoid going to each others homes until you feel comfortable the guy is interested in really getting to know you and wanting a similar dating experience before being intimate.

    Many of us, including me, have made decisions about giving the gift of our bodies sooner than we should have. As long as you learn from the experience, that's what counts. Take care.

  2. #12
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    First of all, you can't beat yourself up over this or lump yourself into some trampy category. Women are sexual beings too, and remember, he did the exact same thing. Just enjoy the experience (hopefully it was good), and in the future, you know to be more cautious, wait. I figure if sex causes men to run, you may as well get a couple dates out of him first. This will also allow yourself to see if he likes you and wants to see you for you, not a roll in the hay.

    We all know the stigma around women sleeping with men too early, and it's unfortunate, but don't get into this mindset that you're anything other than someone who hit it off so well, the sex was just a natural part of the date and the relationship...not ty, not trampy, not dirty. It's a sucky stigma, so you don't do it again. Life goes on. Be mindful of private places - home, even the car - where you get lost in the moment and clothes can come off easily. Go out a few times to know each other and see if you're on the same page.

    The thing is, with some guys, whether you sleep with them on the first date or the 10th, the potential to leave once the thrill of the chase is gone is very high, so you seriously can't beat yourself up over this. You just need to be confident in your own choices so that you're not second guessing yourself...jerks come and go.

    As far as him being distant? Sorry to hear. It seemed to go great and now this. Welcome to the club. Hopefully he'll come around. Date number two is a little early to be immersing you in the friend group, and he probably shouldn't have brought it up, but he did, and that leaves you feeling hurt, but are you really up for mixing it up with a bunch of people you don't know as a second date? I wouldn't be to keen on that myself. Hopefully he'll come around. Hopefully his avoidant behavior is because he knew he shouldn't have plopped this party on you...maybe because he's not ready or maybe because he feels like he's coming across as too codependent or clingy...either way, it seems too much too soon. See what happens with this guy, but revamp your thinking in the meantime.

  3. #13
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    I don't think it matters much what he thinks or feels, more about what and how you feel.

    I had sex with an ex the first night met and we dated six years, and got engaged. Broke up for reasons unrelated to sex.

    That said, sex was a huge part of our relationship, so in retrospect probably not the best idea and would not be so impulsiveness (and tbh reckless) again.

    I also know other couples in successful long term relationships who had sex the first date so it really depends.

    But again what's important is how it's making you feel.

    Whether it works out with this guy or not is yet to be seen, but in any event you learned something about yourself and moving forward the next time you're tempted to have first date sex, remember how you are feeling right now and make a different choice.

  4. #14
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    I wouldn't sleep with someone the first night -have in the past-if I wanted more.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I wouldn't sleep with someone the first night -have in the past-if I wanted more.
    Yeah but the "if I wanted more" how would you know how much "more" you wanted with a particular guy on a first date?

    That was my mindset anyway, I met this man (ex I referred to in my post) felt amazing attraction and mutual energy, not having a clue where I wanted "it" to go, so went with it. As did he.

    It was a very impulsive decision based on nothing more than amazing attraction and chemistry.

    I had no expectations, the next day he called and asked me out on an official date, I did not expect that!!

    Anyway, just trying to explain the mindset, at least for me and perhaps for Blueowl too and any woman who chooses to have first date sex.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Yeah but the "if I wanted more" how would you know how much "more" you wanted with a particular guy on a first date?

    That was my mindset anyway, I met this man (ex I referred to in my post) felt amazing attraction and mutual energy, not having a clue where I wanted "it" to go, so went with it. As did he.

    It was a very impulsive decision based on nothing more than amazing attraction and chemistry.

    I had no expectations, the next day he called and asked me out on an official date, I did not expect that!!

    Anyway, just trying to explain the mindset, at least for me and perhaps for Blueowl too and any woman who chooses to have first date sex.
    I'm not saying that it cannot happen, but in most cases it does not, as there is no emotional connection.

  8. #17
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    Thanks for all your input. Anyways I was being a bit weird and he knows now I regretted what happened. He then said he didn't lose interest, but the opposite and that he's actually looking for a gf. He asked if I lost interest and I said I am not sure. (because I am having mixed feelings). Then he asked if I wanted to go for a meal tomorrow.

    But I don't know if words can be trusted. He really didn't text much after the date..

    I feel he is out of my league, maybe hence why I am extra insecure...

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    Thanks for all your input. Anyways I was being a bit weird and he knows now I regretted what happened. He then said he didn't lose interest, but the opposite and that he's actually looking for a gf. He asked if I lost interest and I said I am not sure. (because I am having mixed feelings). Then he asked if I wanted to go for a meal tomorrow.

    Why dd you say that?? You need to reach out to this guy and see if he wants to get together. I can see why he has pulled back.

    "Out of your league." Why?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    Thanks for all your input. Anyways I was being a bit weird and he knows now I regretted what happened. He then said he didn't lose interest, but the opposite and that he's actually looking for a gf. He asked if I lost interest and I said I am not sure. (because I am having mixed feelings). Then he asked if I wanted to go for a meal tomorrow.

    But I don't know if words can be trusted. He really didn't text much after the date..

    I feel he is out of my league, maybe hence why I am extra insecure...
    Stop waving your insecurities all over. Go on the second date and give it a good shot. Donít keep talking about how insecure you are - itís clear you already told him some variant of that - just go and have fun

  11. #20
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    Why did I say what?

    You need to reach out to this guy and see if he wants to get together. --> are you telling me what I have done or what I should do?

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