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Thread: Sex on first date

  1. #91
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    I actually would really like to have sex with him again soon, I am liking him more and more and rather attracted.
    Having said that I don't wanna ruin the potential of a relationship and then beat myself up and feel bad afterwards..
    You aren't going to ruin any potential just having sex-- unless the guy has misogynistic double standards, in which case good riddance. You'll likely ruin any "potential" once you're unable to continue bottling up your insecurities after sex.

    Any way you look at it, it sounds like you're the type who needs to hold off on having sex, or even dating in general right now.

  2. #92
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    You aren't going to ruin any potential just having sex-- unless the guy has misogynistic double standards, in which case good riddance. You'll likely ruin any "potential" once you're unable to continue bottling up your insecurities after sex.

    Any way you look at it, it sounds like you're the type who needs to hold off on having sex, or even dating in general right now.
    No misogyny- here the problem is - like many women do -she lied to herself that she was ok with casual with this guy - and she wasn't, she regrets it - so that doesn't make the best first impression and first impressions count a lot in fragile beginnings IMO. So i agree with you that it doesn't need to ruin anything (although it increases the risk of too much too soon, of an accidental pregnancy too early on, etc) but in her case it could because of her reaction.

  3. #93
    Bronze Member blueowl32's Avatar
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    So we agreed to a saturday date but he asked me out Friday night again and I was able to make it.. (he's been asking every other day for this week)
    He was still expecting to see me again on Saturday and wants to. Would this be too much (seeing each other two consecutive days) and not good for building anticipation?

    I originally promised Saturday though so if I cancel out it would be bit flakey? Also he sounded he was really looking forward to it during our Friday date.

  4. #94
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    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    So we agreed to a saturday date but he asked me out Friday night again and I was able to make it.. (he's been asking every other day for this week)
    He was still expecting to see me again on Saturday and wants to. Would this be too much (seeing each other two consecutive days) and not good for building anticipation?

    I originally promised Saturday though so if I cancel out it would be bit flakey? Also he sounded he was really looking forward to it during our Friday date.
    I think it's fine if you go on public dates and stay sober.

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  6. #95
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man

    Any way you look at it, it sounds like you're the type who needs to hold off on having sex, or even dating in general right now.
    and if my memory serves me well, this has been advised more times than I can count over the course of several other threads.

  7. #96
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No matter what your anxieties or difficulties are or whatever therapy that is going on, it doesn't give you a license to be rude and mean to people.
    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    He was still expecting to see me again on Saturday and wants to. I originally promised Saturday though so if I cancel out it would be bit flakey? Also he sounded he was really looking forward to it during our Friday date.

  8. #97
    Bronze Member blueowl32's Avatar
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    We went on two dates and the weekend meet up didnít manifest. We were going to go out weekend but he didnít confirm time so I cancelled saying I made other plans but later I did say we could still meet afternoon. He then said he already made afternoon plans and asked if I wanted dinner but I couldnít make it.

    It was going really strong after second dates.

    I hope I didnít ruin it?

  9. #98
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    When was he supposed to confirm the time by? Did you tell him if you didn't hear from him you'd make other plans?

    I am not going to talk in terms of "ruin" - I think you are acting in a flaky and unreliable way unless there's information I'm missing (meaning if he knew he needed to let you know the time by a certain time or you'd make other plans). I also if I were you would have made it to dinner if you possibly could -meaning not cancel on an important one on one plan but I would have strongly considered. Your actions are not consistent with wanting to get to know him or making a good impression.

  10. #99
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    From the way you describe it here, it sounds as though you're playing games with him. Sure, there are times when other plans get in the way, but there are ways round this, no matter how busy you are.
    not good for building anticipation?
    Where did you get this rubbish from? If someone wants to see you, and you want to see them, and you both have full lives and are not clinging together for dear life, there's nothing wrong with seeing a new(ish) date on consecutive days. If you play games, and keep up this calculating, distancing behaviour, you're going to scare off a quality guy. If you play games, you get game players - and that will do your confidence and self esteem no good whatsoever.

    The message that you're giving him is that either you're not interested, or you're very high maintenance; you need to change this impression as soon as possible. If you can't make one particular date and time, then state an alternative one immediately - don't leave it until later. If he hasn't confirmed a time, then ask when would suit him. If he doesn't respond at all, THEN make other plans - but stop playing hard to get, and then feeling upset when he doesn't keep running after you.
    Last edited by nutbrownhare; Yesterday at 10:13 AM.

  11. #100
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you not over your last relationship or just not that into him? It that what you want? It sounds like you're trying to ruin it.
    Originally Posted by blueowl32
    We were going to go out weekend but he didnít confirm time so I cancelled saying I made other plans but later I did say we could still meet afternoon. He then said he already made afternoon plans and asked if I wanted dinner but I couldnít make it.
    I hope I didnít ruin it?

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