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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to contact the dumper for second chance?

  1. #1
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    Is it ever a good idea to contact the dumper for second chance?

    We've been broken up for 2 months now, dated for 10 months, but were good friends for a few years before this. He broke up with me because we had a rocky month. I made a mistake and did something that hurt him, but was genuinely sorry and remorseful but we had trouble communicating how we were feeling. I didn't know how to fix things, became a little more insecure because he was withdrawing and he stopped prioritising the relationship and stopped trying to work things out. I maintained no contact for around 6-7 weeks and then reached out and met up to apologise for the things that I did wrong, and explained how I saw things, and told him I recognised what went wrong and I told him that I think we could fix it and work on it now that we have a better understanding. But he's stubborn and doesn't really want to try again, he's the type of person who is happy to be by himself and doesn't really engage in romantic relationships often (I was his first GF/romantic connection of any kind - he's 23).

    He initiated contact during Xmas/NY break, was really friendly, lots of emojis etc, but we haven't since spoken. We're not the type to say mean things to each other so there's no anger or hatred. I still love him and wish that we could have a second chance to try fix things. I understand that he doesn't really want this anymore, but a part of me is hoping that he's just trying to convince himself it was the right decision and that with more time, he might change his mind.

    Should I try maintain friendly conversation to try stay relevant and maybe try to reconnect and show him that I have changed and that I am willing to really work things out?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. What was the fighting/breakup about? Never beg or try to convince someone to be with you. It makes you unattractive and desperate and most of all, never works. Leave him alone. If he want's to reconcile, he'll let you know.
    Originally Posted by sammy23
    He broke up with me because we had a rocky month.
    he's stubborn and doesn't really want to try again.
    He initiated contact during Xmas/NY break
    I understand that he doesn't really want this anymore

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Short answer, no. It's over. Don't ask, it will make you look like you're begging.

    He ended things, therefore if he wants you back, it'll have to be his choice otherwise leave it.

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    Thanks for the responses.
    Wiseman, I guess he stopped putting effort in, and I felt insecure and acted out a little. It was a really stressful time for both of us (changing jobs, meeting deadlines etc).

    What if I feel like it was mainly my fault?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Then you'll have to come to terms with that. Don't beat yourself up though, we all make mistakes and go through rough times.

    The fact of the matter is though, when the going got tough, he bailed. That's his downfall in the relationship. You don't leave a loved one when things are tough.

    But being as he is the one who left, you will have to somehow accept that and let it go.

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    Thank you, that helps

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Sammy, we all make mistakes in relationships and we run into rough patches. But you deserve a partner who won't run out on you.

    He left. That shows his lack of commitment and love. It takes a lot to make a solid relationship work. Patience, understanding, forgiveness are just a few.

    He didn't have that for you.

    Allow yourself better. I know it hurts now, but you deserve better and someone who won't give up on you.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by sammy23
    We've been broken up for 2 months now, ....

    I maintained no contact for around 6-7 weeks and then reached out and met up....

    ...part of me is hoping that he's just trying to convince himself it was the right decision and that with more time, he might change his mind.

    Should I try maintain friendly conversation to try stay relevant and maybe try to reconnect and show him that I have changed and that I am willing to really work things out?
    2 months minus 6 weeks sounds like you contacted him two weeks ago. At which point you told him you wanted to give it another go, and were rebuffed.

    So no do not contact him again, now or next month or ever.

    If you keep pestering him it looks needy and unattractive.

    Give him some time to miss you. Months of it.

    Use that time to work on yourself.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by sammy23
    I made a mistake and did something that hurt him
    What happened there, OP?

  11. #10
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    Why did the relationship end? What did you do?

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