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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to contact the dumper for second chance?

  1. #11
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    " But he's stubborn and doesn't really want to try again, he's the type of person who is happy to be by himself and doesn't really engage in romantic relationships " Here is your answer.

    When we blame ourselves, it prevents us from acknowledging that the relationship will not work. I did the same.

    You need to move on.

  2. #12
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    Please donít judge me for this, I know Iíve made a horrible mistake. Itís bad was a drunk kiss at a club about 4 months ago. There was a period of time where I completely lost memory, found out through a friend and told him that same night. I had thrown up and got kicked out and had no memory of that either. It was out of character for me, that was the first time I did something like that and first time Iíd kissed anybody else in my life. I havenít had a drink since because Iíve been too scared to. So it is really mainly my fault and it just really sucks that this happened all because of my mistake.

    At first he was seemed okay and I kept trying to reassure him that it wonít happen again. I think what happened afterwards was that kept his thoughts mainly to himself and he saying he was okay, but when he started withdrawing I became more insecure because I didnít how to fix things. This was also during a high stress period, we both had more work deadlines and assessments and we were considering moving out of the state for his new job offer.

  3. #13
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    I know deep down that thatís what I need to do, but it just sucks a lot, and a huge part of me just wished heíd change his mind.
    Also I forgot to add that after at the end of our last meet up, heís said that heíd take me out again to catch up in a few weeks after he gets back from his holiday break. So I think I just got really confused after his friendly Xmas messages as well.
    Thanks for the advice everyone.
    Last edited by sammy23; 01-06-2019 at 02:46 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    It's probably safe to think of it like talking to the police. Nothing you say will prove your innocence, but there's plenty you can say to incriminate yourself. After breakups, while it's obviously a generalization, there's nothing you can do or say to convince someone to come back to you, but there's plenty you can say or do to convince them not to or to reinforce that sentiment.
    Last edited by j.man; 01-06-2019 at 03:29 PM.

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  6. #15
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    Iíd suggest sending a short statement to the effect of ďIm sorry, I care about you, Iíd like to try to make this work please contact me if you change your mindĒ.. then never reach out again. That way you put out the olive branch but also arenít chasing and have firmly put the ball in their court.

  7. #16
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    Unfortunately, yet understandably, you cheating on him changed how he sees you. Even if he wanted to forgive you, it's evident that he just couldn't.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Unfortunately, yet understandably, you cheating on him changed how he sees you. Even if he wanted to forgive you, it's evident that he just couldn't.
    Not yet anyway.

    If it was just a kiss .... OP needs to give him time to miss her and forgive her.

    dated for 10 months, but were good friends for a few years before this... he's 23
    Maybe a few years down the track.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Is it ever a good idea to contact the dumper for second chance?
    No. ....................................

  10. #19
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    You're asking if there's a chance of getting back together and yet you fail to disclose the mistake you made that hurt him so badly.

    It matters.

    But generally speaking, it's pointless to ask for another chance because if the dumper wanted back in they'd contact you. They're not going to say "oh well I wasn't going to call you but since you asked lets try it again".

  11. #20
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    the best thing you can do is work on making sure the mistake does not happen again. It seeems that you, like me, struggle with alcohol and I suggest that you just don't drink. Remain in no contact with your ex....and use this time to reflect. I found that after I quit drinking, I found that I did not want my ex back at all, that there were many others who were more compatible. Work on yourself and be true to what you want. Learn from this experience and this, coupled with abstaining with alcohol, will most likely lead you to better and more fruitful relationships.

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