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Thread: Am I making the right choice?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree with the others, dont send that video. It cant be undone once you hit Send and you have no idea where it will end up. You dont want to appear as begging her.

    She is basically done with you unless you want to be a friend, and you dont want that, which is good. We here arent all wrong or crazy, many of us have been where you are. Best advice is to block, delete, work on moving on.

    You give yourself closure, she doesnt give it to you. Call that crisis group if you think it'll help but I bet they tell you much the same as we have.

  2. #12

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    Cutting contact sounds like the best idea. Also you donít have to explain to her why you are doing it. I know a lot of people not just girls that use this as a way to keep the door open and even if something happens in the future she will always maintain that she told you that she didnít want to get back together. The best thing to do is let her realise what she has given up and she canít do that unless you actually take yourself away from her. Trust me I have been there you will never get over her by staying in contact.

  3. #13
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    Donít send the video. It could come back to bite you in the bum in the future! You donít know who could get their hands on this video and what theyíll do with it.

    Trust me, OP, you will kick yourself somewhere down the line if you send this video.

    I canít tell you how many times Iíve seen threads on here, where people posted how much they regretted the ways in which they handled a break-up (i.e. - begging, pleading) and how they wish they could take it back. They didnít ever think theyíd get over the break-up, so they begged and pleaded, sent numerous texts, and would call their ex umpteen times.

    Yet in time, they did get over their ex and saw the forest for the trees.

    You will too; you just have to give yourself an opportunity to do so.

    Cut off contact!

    Speak with family and friends, but I canít see any one of them, who has your best interests at heart, encouraging you to send this video.

    Also, keep in mind that a lot of us here are speaking from personal experience. I have no doubt that many people on this forum (and in this thread) have an ex who, at one time, they never thought theyíd get over. But they did!

    All I can say is, I know this is hard, but no contact is the best way to go right now. Give yourself time and youíll see what we mean. Donít hesitate to turn to your friends and family for support, if need be.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by mack1490
    Wow..wasn't expecting responses like these. I'm just going to call a crisis group instead and get advice from there, I'm completely distraught right now. Thanks anyway.
    Mack, not sure what has gone on with ENA of late, but seems the ďcatharticnessĒ has all but disappeared. Iím with you with this statement.

    Have you ever thought that your ex misses you, but not enough to actually get back together? So by meeting up with you, she kind of gets what she needs without any sort of commitment. Meanwhile, you are interpreting it as a chance of a rekindling of the relationship.

    Iím with the others regarding the video. Send a nice gesture like this to someone who loves you, not someone like this. If you absolutely need to speak to her, give her a call or meet with her, not something that can be saved forever. Also, I donít think you are not really in a position to give her an ultimatum. However, if you must, and it is what you need to move on, you could just tell her, you are not really interested in friendship given your history and leave it at that.

    Sorry to hear this. Getting dumped sucks.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by sadchick83
    Mack, not sure what has gone on with ENA of late, but seems the ďcatharticnessĒ has all but disappeared. Iím with you with this statement.

    Have you ever thought that your ex misses you, but not enough to actually get back together? So by meeting up with you, she kind of gets what she needs without any sort of commitment. Meanwhile, you are interpreting it as a chance of a rekindling of the relationship.

    Iím with the others regarding the video. Send a nice gesture like this to someone who loves you, not someone like this. If you absolutely need to speak to her, give her a call or meet with her, not something that can be saved forever. Also, I donít think you are not really in a position to give her an ultimatum. However, if you must, and it is what you need to move on, you could just tell her, you are not really interested in friendship given your history and leave it at that.

    Sorry to hear this. Getting dumped sucks.
    Thank you. I decided I'm not going to send the video.

    She has been sending me breadcrumb text messages lately; today she sent me one of her at the gym, and I haven't responded to it. What I have decided to do now, is I'm going to call her or FaceTime her, and pretty much ask her "do you want to be with me, or not?" If she says that it'll continue to be a friendzone kind of relationship, that's going to be it; she will never hear from me again. That will provide me with the closure that I need, and close the wound in my emotions. It will help knowing that I tried, but I can't control what her thoughts are. I want everyone to know that I understand the whole "move on", "there's someone out there for you", "there's plenty of fish in the sea", ideas, but keep in mind that I cared deeply for this woman, and I still do. It's hard for me just to move on and find someone else. I literally cannot see potential in any other woman that I lay eyes on. I was at the bar last night, and this woman I had just met was flirting with me very heavily, and she even asked me to go home with her and "hook up". I turned that offer down. I don't do the whole one night stand ballgame, that's way beyond my standards. If I'm going to be with a woman, I have to be romantically involved with her 100%, it's all or nothing, and since I did not see any potential in this woman I met at the bar, I did not bring things any further, so I up and left the bar and went back to my apartment.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sadchick83
    Mack, not sure what has gone on with ENA of late, but seems the ďcatharticnessĒ has all but disappeared. Iím with you with this statement.

    Have you ever thought that your ex misses you, but not enough to actually get back together? So by meeting up with you, she kind of gets what she needs without any sort of commitment. Meanwhile, you are interpreting it as a chance of a rekindling of the relationship.

    Iím with the others regarding the video. Send a nice gesture like this to someone who loves you, not someone like this. If you absolutely need to speak to her, give her a call or meet with her, not something that can be saved forever. Also, I donít think you are not really in a position to give her an ultimatum. However, if you must, and it is what you need to move on, you could just tell her, you are not really interested in friendship given your history and leave it at that.

    Sorry to hear this. Getting dumped sucks.
    Because we dont condone unhealthy behaviors?

    Because our advise isnt centered on how to dig deeper into a bad mindset?

    Im sorry youre in pain but you really got get your head out of the sand girl.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mack1490
    Thank you. I decided I'm not going to send the video.

    She has been sending me breadcrumb text messages lately; today she sent me one of her at the gym, and I haven't responded to it. What I have decided to do now, is I'm going to call her or FaceTime her, and pretty much ask her "do you want to be with me, or not?" If she says that it'll continue to be a friendzone kind of relationship, that's going to be it; she will never hear from me again. That will provide me with the closure that I need, and close the wound in my emotions. It will help knowing that I tried, but I can't control what her thoughts are. I want everyone to know that I understand the whole "move on", "there's someone out there for you", "there's plenty of fish in the sea", ideas, but keep in mind that I cared deeply for this woman, and I still do. It's hard for me just to move on and find someone else. I literally cannot see potential in any other woman that I lay eyes on. I was at the bar last night, and this woman I had just met was flirting with me very heavily, and she even asked me to go home with her and "hook up". I turned that offer down. I don't do the whole one night stand ballgame, that's way beyond my standards. If I'm going to be with a woman, I have to be romantically involved with her 100%, it's all or nothing, and since I did not see any potential in this woman I met at the bar, I did not bring things any further, so I up and left the bar and went back to my apartment.
    Well to be fair rebounding very rarely works and has the tendency to do exactly as you said and causes one to cling to the memory of an ex even harder. You not going NC and her bread crumbing also would logically explain your mindset.

    What doesnít make sense is why ask if your mind was already made up? So you didnít send the video you still seem heíll bent on pouring your heart out to her.

    Itís your life and your prerogative. Again, just not understanding why you felt the need to ask advice.

  9. #18
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    You are very addicted to your ex, Once she gives you taste you will crave more and more and more until she stops and then what? you will go insane! Yeah man it sucks but this is only a start of the journey to come..... I was with my ex for 7 years, 3 married before she ran off off with another guy from her work and immediately started a family like I never existed... it sucks but I have no choice but to move on in life whether i like it or not...

    being dumped sucks big time but it makes you stronger ad wiser in the long run...

  10. #19
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    1) we have a hope at reconciling and I remain in contact with her,
    Nope. Just the opposite. If you want any hope of reconciling, fly of of her radar and leave her alone. She'll either reflect on you fondly someday and entertain the idea of reconciling or not, but sticking around to hover in the hope that this would bring about a desire to reconcile is smothering and just plain 'yuck'.

    You either own self respect, or you don't. No self respecting person will hang out on the periphery of another's life waiting for scraps. Skip that, because it demo's a lack of self respect, and if you don't respect yourself, nobody else will, either. And no respect equals no love. Period.

    I'd rather trust that if the two of you were ever a meant to be deal, you'll both meet again on higher ground someday. But you'll both need to reach that place on your own. So focus instead on how to reach your own higher ground. Make it a goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this to build an excellent future for yourself. Then you'll be better positioned to cross paths with your ex again from a whole new 'high ground' perspective that you can't fathom until you get there.

    Head high.

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