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Thread: Update & question on where to go from here

  1. #151
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    People can be sexually monogamous to avoid STDS and not be committed emotionally or in a relationship.
    True, but thatís not quite the way our conversation went. It was more based on most maybe all of his experiences heíd been in a relationship with the person.

  2. #152
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    >>To me this is the slowest (yet most comfortable) pace things have ever evolved at, but maybe Iím still jumping too much too soon.<<

    Wow, I am really confused now.

    If you're comfortable, in fact most comfortable you've ever felt, what's the problem again?

    Why this thread at all let alone 15 pages?

    What am I missing?

  3. #153
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    >>To me this is the slowest (yet most comfortable) pace things have ever evolved at, but maybe Iím still jumping too much too soon.<<

    Wow, I am really confused now.

    If you're comfortable (with the pace), in fact most comfortable you've ever felt, what's the problem again?
    I meant in terms of dates and communication. I donít feel like Iíve been lovebombed or ignored or like were overly inserting ourselves into each otherís lives. The dating app debacle made me realize that I wanted more which seemed logical to me in the sequence and pace weíve been going at. I feel like if I wasnít ready I probably wouldnít have reacted the way I did or felt how I did. Usually something sketchy like that is in top of other yellow flags that Iíve been holding at bay and Iím all ďthanks but no thanksĒ.

  4. #154
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    No, I do not. How would I find that out though?
    Just ask.

    How is that a difficult question? You aren't asking FOR anything, you just want to know if he's dating anyone else.

    It's a yes or no question. If he gives you a paragraphs long answer or won't answer at all, that would be your answer.

    Would you continue dating him if he's dating others?

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  6. #155
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Just ask.

    How is that a difficult question? You aren't asking FOR anything, you just want to know if he's dating anyone else.

    It's a yes or no question. If he gives you a paragraphs long answer or won't answer at all, that would be your answer.

    Would you continue dating him if he's dating others?
    Heís already said he wasnít dating others, meeting others or looking to meet people. I thought you meant if I couldnít take him at his word.

  7. #156
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Would you continue dating him if he's dating others?
    Now no because he would have lied about it

  8. #157
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    No, I do not. How would I find that out though?
    You stop being afraid that basic communication will scare him away and accept the fact that communication only scares away people who werenít looking at you seriously to begin with. Itís kinda like the posts from women who sleep with a man on the first date and wonder if she Ďruined her chancesí many men have stated, my intentions donít change just because I got laid.

    I donít think basic communication scares anyone away, I just donít. Coming on too strong or needy or allowing anxiety to run the show WILL chase someone away please donít get me wrong that defdinetely does happen,but basic questions especially about your sexual and at this point emotional heath? Itís in your best interest to know wouldnít you say?

    Can I ask what horribly embarrassing thing you did was and if thatís at all correlated to all this?

  9. #158
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    Heís already said he wasnít dating others, meeting others or looking to meet people. I thought you meant if I couldnít take him at his word.
    OK, was that a recent update? Because I remember you wrote previously that he said he wasn't dating anyone "in this area".

    But if he clarified that he isn't dating anyone else in your area or anywhere else, then that's promising.

  10. #159
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You stop being afraid that basic communication will scare him away and accept the fact that communication only scares away people who werenít looking at you seriously to begin with. Itís kinda like the posts from women who sleep with a man on the first date and wonder if she Ďruined her chancesí many men have stated, my intentions donít change just because I got laid.

    I donít think basic communication scares anyone away, I just donít. Coming on too strong or needy or allowing anxiety to run the show WILL chase someone away please donít get me wrong that defdinetely does happen,but basic questions especially about your sexual and at this point emotional heath? Itís in your best interest to know wouldnít you say?

    Can I ask what horribly embarrassing thing you did was and if thatís at all correlated to all this?
    Oh I agree. I thought it was in reference to me not taking him at his word when heís said multiple times in various ways that heís not dating, meeting, looking to date/meet others. I fully believe heís got some battle within himself and it has nothing to do with other women.

    Sure! I donít believe so though, he was super nice and understanding. Basically a large group of us went on an overnight trip. I was initially hesitant because of my general anxiety and needing an escape route, not wanting to show that side of me, etc, etc. I went because I didnít want it to hold me back and most of the time I worry for nothing.

    Nope. I had a mild panic attack and excused myself from the gathering and hid in our room for about an hour and half. Just kept telling him to enjoy himself and I was being dumb, but he was pretty concerned. I pulled it together and joined the event, but when it ended it came back.

    We ended up having to go out to get some snacks for me (He positively insisted that he was coming and not letting me wander the streets alone). Yes very gentlemanly, but in that moment all I could think was ďIím ruining this and literally dying alone in an ally is preferable to him having to see me in this state especially if it gets worseĒ. I said something like ďcongrats youíve seen me at my worst hahaĒ even though it was nothing near how bad they usually get, but man was I spooked.

    In general thatís why I donít really ~do things. I never want to be the reason other people miss out or make someone leave because I canít hang and when I canít hang, I canít hang hard haha. Itís embarrassing and I was mortified and he was the first person to really see that in any capacity. Like I said it was mild (I was able to sit on the bed like a rational person) with just the rapid heart rate and shaking, but I was afraid it would escalate to the full blown sweating and pacing around like a lunatic (super great early impression).

    He kept insisting he just wanted to help and for me to feel safe and have a good time.

  11. #160
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you are happy, why worry about all these ifs, shoulds, labels, etc? It's 8 weeks and he is kind, consistent and seems to make you happy. Is there some outside friends, family, stuff you are reading that has rules and regulations that is giving you all this angst about semantics?
    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    Itís been two months. everything else was a direct match: kind and consistent every single time. We naturally professes from once a week to twice a week dates, he never over texted, but never made me wonder if Iíd hear from him, etc. I made him a care package while he was sick, we watched a Netflix show together and he overnighted nighted me some deserts from the restaurant. We have the same family values (or lack there of, etc). Kind of almost too good to be true status.

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