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Thread: Should I have broken up with my girlfriend?

  1. #1

    Should I have broken up with my girlfriend?

    I broke up with my girlfriend of over two years about a month ago and I'm still feeling sad when I think about her. I had been unhappy for at least a year and I was trying to determine the source of my unhappiness -- either the relationship or my job in which I don't have the best boss and I work from home a lot which makes me feel incredibly lonely at times.

    I tried twice over the course of a year to transition to a job which would allow me to work in the office but did not pass the technical interviews partially because I was not skilled enough yet but I also had trouble thinking and focusing because I was depressed.

    I'll admit part of the reason I stayed in the relationship was because while I work from home a majority of the time and I liked having someone to see at the end of the day. I live in a city which I am not originally from, therefore I have no family here and although I've made some good friends, I struggle feel a true sense of "belonging" sometimes.

    Has anyone else been in the same situation as me and if so, how to do you date etc. when your home all the time and don't have any co-workers or anything to distract you?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why did you break up? Where is she now? Did you live together? Is there someone else?

  3. #3
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    You broke up with her without any specific reason, just a general feeling of unhappiness that might not have anything to do with her.

    Well, that was a rather impulsive decision made without a lot of clarity and thought, especially given that you appear to suffer from depression. Probably too late to salvage this one but going forward I suggest you take your time and work through your feelings and motivations so you make decisions based on your best interests and inline with your goals.

    Did you find your unhappiness decreased after the breakup? I'm thinking it went from bad to worse because she was a source of support and companionship and the problem is really within you. If that's the case consider meds and/or therapy to work through the issues.

    As far as working from home goes I don't understand how dating has anything to do with working from home and distractions by coworkers. You're not home "all the time" are you?

  4. #4
    I did not make a hasty decision, I had been thinking about breaking up with her for almost a year but I held on as I said because I feared the loneliness that could potentially ensue not only from not having a girlfriend, but working from home about 90% of the time (I do travel some for work) and living in a city where I do not know a ton of people. I talked through it a lot with my dad and sister before making the decision to break up.

    Other reasons for breaking up with her were our lack of shared interests (she was not an active person at all and I am a somewhat active person) and her family. I am from a well-to-do Northeastern (ok, "white") family and she is from a lower-socioeconomic status Mexican family based in LA. I eventually dreaded going to see her family at all these family events because I couldn't relate with them and have conversations because I didn't know what to talk about. I couldn't really talk about cool things in my life (I've been rather successful in my career) since I didn't want them to resent me and they were not educated enough to understand what I do for a career (I work in high tech). I fear I am becoming more judgmental of those who do not share similar philosophies as me as I feel I have been able to build a pretty good life for myself.

    I'm just wondering if anybody out there has broken up with someone if they feel their significant other's family is completely different from their own family.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You did the right thing. You were incompatible on almost every level and it would be a disservice to yourself to just limp along complacently in a relationship of convenience that you knew wasn't going anywhere. It was also a disservice to her to string her along when you have known for a year that your heart wasn't in it..


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