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Thread: I need a game plan

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    I need a game plan

    I am 30 he's 34 and we are engaged and have been with my partner since 2015....we have been engaged for a year....He was in the army but I didn't meet him until he was retired with disability....he has severe head issues PTSD AND a ton of pain! Anyways, our relationship began on a dating site and progressed quickly. I tried to slow it down but he was very persistent.... I started dating him 3 months after a heartbreak. The love of my life and I ended our on and off relationship after 6 years of trying to make it work. I think he was just not grown enough or mature enough..we went long distance and he didn't move me put like he made me think he would..everything clicked aside from that....he cheated tho so that's why it was off so much....sex was amazing. He was my Yoda when it came to sex.....I was very inexperienced before I met him ...
    Will get back to that.....so anyways ....
    I have a child who is 19 m old and the love of my life with the guy who I'm with currently....on top of that, he and I want to end it but I have nowhere to live and hardly any income...I buy most all of the groceries, pay my car payment every month, and insurance...I'm a exotic dancer...but use to have a full-time job but quit it last yr because I got engaged and have a baby I don't want to be away from. ....

    Well he and I fight, talk extensively about breaking up and me moving out and me sleeping in a different bedroom and he says I don't contribute and if I contributed more than he would treat me better....he clearly makes me feel like crap and like I'm not interesting and I'm a burden.....and when we get into these talks he threatens to get a lawyer involved and to tell that Court about what I do for a living and that I will never be able to see my son again.......it is something he says basically every time we talked about possibly breaking up....I'm not sure if this is a manipulative tactic to make me just be the way that he wants me to be which is a house slave clean cook do the dishes do the laundry don't ever fight with him or challenge him on anything.......

    It's just tough and it's really hard....I never thought of myself as somebody who would stay with somebody just for financial security but here I am............it's hard to save even as a dancer lol

    so he is okay with me dancing and he said this several times but he's not okay with guys touching me..... What he doesn't know shouldn't hurt him and not only that but he use to go to strip clubs all the time before he met me........
    I am having a hard time staying in this..... I have had a few encounters with my ex we have been talking on social media.......not about giving it a second chance but just how much we miss the sexual contact...... With that being said when the current guy and me were on a break........ I did sneak over to see him not once but twice...... Both times were phenomenal...... I feel like s*** even though I didn't technically cheat.......he and I decided to work things out still shortly after....I never told him and don't plan to......

    I don't know what to do with all of this and I'm getting really stressed out on a constant basis...... I have a baby boy that I want to make sure is living comfortably but also with his parents, so I continue to try to make it work............

    I don't know where to go from here. there are times though where we act like best friends and that we are happy and we'll watch movies and hang out but I cant play his video games,I can't do any of the outdoor activities that he wants to do because I have the baby and we don't have any type of babysitter.......no family ...his is in another state....don't ask me about mine.....:/

    We have just...... Rushed into a relationship that we weren't meant to have and it is extremely complicated but extremely simple.........this might be more of me just venting than actually looking for advice....... There is no advice anybody can give me that I don't already know........... Thank you for reading......
    Last edited by Swow13; 01-04-2019 at 04:46 PM. Reason: Misworded something

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. If you split up he will have to pay child support and provide whatever military benefits for the child. Since you are not married do you have access to that?. This is not a reason to stay with an abusive man. You can also go to social services for help with housing, employment, job training, child care, medical coverage and mental health care. You owe it to your child to be there for him. That means getting out of this abusive situation. Cheating with the ex is just an emotional temporary band aid. It will not solve the real and much larger issues.

  3. #3

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    Hi Wiseman, thank you for the quick response! I hear u, really do....social services is the last thing I'd want to do. In the state I am in, it'd just be an escuse to try to take away my child....it's messed up but it happens too often.....I do hear u.....I need to do something to get a plan going to get out!

  4. #4
    Bronze Member kalikat's Avatar
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    Hi Swow13 -
    I don't know where you live, but I know that here in California being an exotic dancer does NOT mean they will take away your child. The mom of one of my daughters best friends was an exotic dancer for years. It was never looked down upon. Because it is not illegal. All he is trying to do is to scare you into staying with him. What he is doing to you is emotional abuse. So - yeah - not really a good place for you to be.

    What might be a good thing for you to do is take a minute to yourself & think:
    In a perfect world, where do you see yourself? Leave both your current and previous boyfriends out of the picture. Think of you and your baby. And what you want for the 2 of you.
    Once you get a clear picture of that in your head, then try to fit your current BF into that image. Would it work? What about the previous BF?
    Does he fit in to what you want your future to be?
    I think that once you start really clarifying for yourself what your future should look like, a lot of things will become clearer to you.
    Try not to just settle for what is convenient. Instead, allow yourself to daydream. To really imagine where life could take you.
    And then you might finally be able to see a clear plan to get out from where you are. You may actually have a chance to be happy.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You can research online what you may be eligible for. No they can not take away your child unless you are unfit or you are providing a bad environment such as living with an abusive man. If you stay with this abusive bozo it is far more likely to happen than finding the appropriate resources for yourself and your child regarding food and healthcare assistance, not to mention employment training and help as well as child care assistance and housing assistance...Why believe lies rather than look into it and help yourself and your child?
    Originally Posted by Swow13
    social services is the last thing I'd want to do. In the state I am in, it'd just be an escuse to try to take away my child.


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