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Thread: BF obsessed with ex.

  1. #31
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    You could wait around while he cheats on you with her and eventually leaves you for her.

    Or, you can realize what's going on here and leave now while you still have self respect and dignity left.

    Sticking around with your hands over your ears shouting "NAH NAH NAH" will not make this go away. Neither will trying to be the coolest, bestest girlfriend ever because, believe it or not, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of person HE is.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun

    Sticking around with your hands over your ears shouting "NAH NAH NAH" will not make this go away.
    Well said!!! Lol

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Reyhoney
    Wow! I didn’t expect many replies. I was warned about possibly being his rebound but we’ve been together for a year and things are very official. Also he told her he’s happy with me? Doesn’t that mean he wants her to know there’s no chance for them?

    Why do you think he loves her? I mean most of the texts were sexual except a few that I was confused about.

    Bouldering is mountain climbing inside. Sorry that was confusing.
    Rebounding isnt just using someone to 'get over' an ex

    It can also involve using others as pawns.

    Hes telling her hes happy but hes still talking to her. Think logically, how much sense does that make if hes actually happy? Now how much sense does it make if youre being used to make her jealous and clearly its working, shes texting him, what an ego boost for her, he wants her even though he has a girlfriend!!! You'd be surprised how selfish a person rebounding can act, they truly dont see outside of themselves and their needs, if they did they never would have began dating.

    Let these two selfish buttheads go, shes as guilty as he is, I wish I would flirt with anybody much less an ex knowing he has a girlfriend...gross...they deserve eachother.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Reyhoney
    I’m trying my best to respond instead of react. I’m not staying with him after this but I need to know how I’ll go about this exactly. He’s gonna try to twist it if I tell him no doubt.

    My first thought after getting mad that I’m with him though. We live together, family and friends know me, we go on trips etc. I mean we have real life together, she’s not real?

    Is it just childish horny bored moment, or does he want her instead? I’m asking here because I know he won’t give me the truth I need.
    Just going to second Katrina et al here.

    There is no conversation to be had here, nothing to confront.

    It doesn't matter if it's a "childish horny bored moment," or if he genuinely wants her instead, or if he genuinely loves you, or...

    Literally, none of that matters.

    You say you want a man who understands what boundaries are and who doesn't disrespect you? This is not that man, and you have all the evidence you need.

    This relationship began with a gamble, as all relationships do. The gamble (laid out by you in March) was: Is he over his ex? Is he capable of letting that go and making space to see what we can be?

    There is no shame in taking that risk. I've done it myself, years ago, when someone left a man to be with me. Like, she was with him on Friday, with me on Sunday. Was she really over him? Was I rebound? Was this pure insanity? Of course I had those questions, and she provided me with answers—with words, with actions—that let me know she was totally done with that.

    The risk paid off. Others have not.

    Now, if I had come across messages like you've seen after three months, after nearly a year? I would have known my risky investment did not pay off, and I would have been out the door. No drama, nothing to discuss. Just not the person and situation for me.

    Remember: You don't right a bad investment by doubling and tripling down—that's how you get further in the hole.

    I really encourage you to let go of the comparison test. I suspect that's been there the whole time, somewhere in your mind, this sense that you're competing with her. You're trying to "beat" her, to win, and he is the prize. Winning is what keeps you hooked, keeps you more intent on rationalizing his actions and breaking down his psychology than listening to your own needs and feelings.

    Screw that. You are the prize. You were the prize before you even knew this guy, and somewhere along the way I think you've forgotten that. The longer you stay intent on this guy reminding you that you're the prize, the longer you'll spend questioning your own value and worth.

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  6. #35
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    My ex fell in love with someone else while we were allegedly together. He stayed with me for TWO MORE YEARS while he pursued this other woman. They had a secret relationship for months until finally she told him to choose, her or me. He chose her.

    Yes, I knew how he felt about her. It was obvious. But I chose to play the hands over the ears shouting "NAH NAH NAH" game instead of facing reality. He told everyone he was NOT into her, not at all! Until he dumped me via email and moved her into his house on the same day.

    Face reality. It's way better than pretending everything's fine when you know for a fact it isn't fine.

  7. #36
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    I am sure there are a rare exceptions, but to my mind once a cheater (and he is a cheater) always a cheater.

    This is death by a thousands cuts, sounds like you are on your way there. I wasted five years of my life fighting stuff like this, you are an option not a priority to him.

    It will be hard but either leave or kick him out...now.

  8. #37
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    Go to [Register to see the link] and read all about the "Pick Me Dance", which is what you're doing right now.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Reyhoney
    I’m trying my best to respond instead of react. I’m not staying with him after this but I need to know how I’ll go about this exactly. He’s gonna try to twist it if I tell him no doubt.

    My first thought after getting mad that I’m with him though. We live together, family and friends know me, we go on trips etc. I mean we have real life together, she’s not real?

    Is it just childish horny bored moment, or does he want her instead? I’m asking here because I know he won’t give me the truth I need.
    Why does it matter if he will twist it? You've read it. There's no excuse or going around such message. It's not ambiguous, it's explicit. You don't need to win him in an argument or convince him he did wrong or make him admit anything or that he was wrong. You saw what you saw regardless of what excuses he might have. It's on you to leave him, not on him to defend himself and try to build a case to make you stay.

  10. #39
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    If you choose to stay despite all of this, you can't possibly be surprised when he dumps you to go back to her or you find out he's been going to her place to spend time with her.

    Everything you need to know is right in front of you.

  11. #40
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    You have to stop thinking up ways to rationalize his bad behaviour and get some self-respect, OP.

    He doesn't have for you. So you need to go find it, and just end it. There is really no point confronting him, talking about it and waiting to hear how he tries to manipulate you.

    Wait a little bit before you date again though. You would really benefit from spending time with yourself and building up your self-esteem, so you don't stay with twerps like him ever again.

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