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Thread: BF obsessed with ex.

  1. #211
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I never said "immediately ". But this ruminating hurts you. It's never pleasant to see or read of someone hurting. We're just trying to help you get past this by pointing out what could be helpful. Of course you are welcome to disregard whatever we say.

  2. #212
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I never said "immediately ". But this ruminating hurts you. It's never pleasant to see or read of someone hurting. We're just trying to help you get past this by pointing out what could be helpful. Of course you are welcome to disregard whatever we say.
    I havenít disregarded anything, I do truly appreciate every single person who took the time to offer me any advice. Iím still dealing with it and sorting through hurt feelings and thoughts... maybe I do tend to marinate in things longer than others, Iím just that kind of person I guess... but like I ruminate in negative feelings, I do the same for the positive feelings in my life too.

    Ruminating helps me to move on, I canít block or numb my feelings or thoughts or just push them down. I would if I can, but Iím guessing itíll make me explode after a while... when I do ruminate though I exhaust every single thought and it never comes up ever again.

  3. #213
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Reyhoney
    Ruminating helps me to move on, I canít block or numb my feelings or thoughts or just push them down. I would if I can, but Iím guessing itíll make me explode after a while... when I do ruminate though I exhaust every single thought and it never comes up ever again.
    You sure about this?

    It was ruminating, back in March, that allowed you to move forward, and eventually in with this man, not on from him. And it was ruminating, in ways, that made a breakup in Jan (the one that should have come in March) not so sticky. And so, to some of us in the bleacher seats, it might seem that ruminating is not your friend, not a productive avenue of moving on so much as a way of sprinting around in a hamster wheel while feeling like you're running a marathon.

  4. #214
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    You sure about this?

    It was ruminating, back in March, that allowed you to move forward, and eventually in with this man, not on from him. And it was ruminating, in ways, that made a breakup in Jan (the one that should have come in March) not so sticky. And so, to some of us in the bleacher seats, it might seem that ruminating is not your friend, not a productive avenue of moving on so much as a way of sprinting around in a hamster wheel while feeling like you're running a marathon.
    Okay then, Iím done with this thread.

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  6. #215
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    No one is asking you to leave. I understandóoh, do Ióthat sometimes itís not always fun to hear what people say.

    Weíre on Team You, though. Hope you can remember that.

  7. #216
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I've just read the entire thread and after all the mental exercises spent trying to decode this, I see it in simpler terms.
    You mentioned his preference for sex of a certain nature, one that you provide him and the same one that the ex had in common with him.
    You even used the word fetish.

    This isn't about you vs her and what does she have that you don't. . and will he be with her if had the chance.
    This is very likely about a man who is a sex addict. The only thing you have in common with his ex is that you have all the right parts and are a willing participant.

    I'll bet my lunch if you were to dig a little deeper you'd find some other goings on with this guy.
    But you shouldn't, wouldn't want to waste your time.

  8. #217
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I've just read the entire thread and after all the mental exercises spent trying to decode this, I see it in simpler terms.
    You mentioned his preference for sex of a certain nature, one that you provide him and the same one that the ex had in common with him.
    You even used the word fetish.

    This isn't about you vs her and what does she have that you don't. . and will he be with her if had the chance.
    This is very likely about a man who is a sex addict. The only thing you have in common with his ex is that you have all the right parts and are a willing participant.

    I'll bet my lunch if you were to dig a little deeper you'd find some other goings on with this guy.
    But you shouldn't, wouldn't want to waste your time.
    I think she said she WONT do the kinky stuff he did with her, itís not her thing.

  9. #218
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Reyhoney
    Okay then, Iím done with this thread.
    Why because responders arenít indulging you?

    Thatís revealing...

    I guess no point in asking though.

  10. #219
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    I am sorry you are going through this. I really I am. I recently discovered that my boyfriend of one year texts another woman. I was told they used to work together. I love him but wouldn't be able to be with him now. Wondering if they chatting at night etc. I must say I am quite shocked how strong you are.
    I wouldn't be able to torture myself like this.
    What is your threshold here ? What needs to happen for you to have enough.
    Mine chosen communication with her over me. He lied to me over it. He also gave her green light to send him hearts etc this was enough for me
    I wish you quick recovery from this.

  11. #220
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Why because responders arenít indulging you?

    Thatís revealing...

    I guess no point in asking though.
    So if I stay and talk about it is ruminating but if I stop talking about it itís me throwing a tantrum cause Iím not being indulged? Right Dr. Phil?

    What do you want me to talk about? Exchanging recipes?

    It is very revealing actually, cause I was out on Friday night having fun and youíre here on my thread willing to act like a therapist. 👏 😂

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