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Thread: Confused

  1. #1

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    Confused

    My husband walked out on me after 13 years of marriage 6 weeks ago, he filed for divorce and has not even talked to me at all. Except one email telling me he was filing for divorce and he would not return any calls or messages. I cried so much, begged, i tried church everything. Nothing worked. We were supposed start counseling 4 days before he left because of attention issues. 4 years ago he had previously been texting a girl at his work, i found all the messages. I thought we had been doing fairly well in our marriage. We had been getting along better. He wont talk to me at all i finally quit trying. Its like he turned into a different man. He told our friends he just wanted to do something for his self for once. I guess he quit loving me and doesn't care at all. He was the love of my life . I didnt want divorce. How do i move on completely.

  2. #2
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    The girlfriend probably gave him an ultimatum, either get a divorce or she would leave him. Yes, most likely there is a girlfriend.

    Do you have children?

    Right now, focus on making sure your attorney is taking care of the details regarding finances, housing, child support (if applicable) and insurance. Also, have the bank account monitored to make sure he is not diverting funds to his girlfriend or to unnecessary spending on trivial items.

    Focusing on the details will get you through the next little while.

    I am sorry. I know it hurts and it really is lousy. But with time you will recover.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Seems like there were signs... This man had lost interest a loooong time ago. What annoys me is that if someone isn't interested in you, they should at least have the decency to break up with you instead of cheating.

    Sign the divorce paper and say good riddance. I don't think you realize this is a blessing. Maybe you needed him to break up with you to realize that you need to find the strength to move on and not be so dependent on a lost cause.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Talk to a lawyer, know your rights. Make sure he cant take all the money in your bank account. Plan for divorce.

    How do you carry on and get thru this? It's going to take a long time, you cant recover immediately. Do what you can to protect yourself and your assets, that's where you start.

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  6. #5
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    Make sure you speak to a good lawyer. Plan for a full on divorce. I know this hurts, I know this sucks, I know you know men don't usually leave unless they have "somewhere" to go. He probably strung you along until he was feeling cocky enough to be now with whoever this thing is. Any human who is cold enough to walk out on you without even a reason or a conversation is literally selfish and callus.

    I agree with LootieTooties comment. Why stay if you wanna leave so bad. Why hurt someone so deeply and so coldly. I have also lived long enough to watch this bite men and women in their butts. The grass isn't greener on a new pasture, the grass is greener where you water it!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Have you received the divorce papers? You need an attorney asap. You will be named the "defendant" and he will be the "plaintiff," since he filed. He is suing your for divorce. Take action. Do not sit around wishing, hoping or wasting time.

    Your marriage was far from "getting better", he was refocusing on his escape plan and therefore so apathetic that arguing with you didn't matter because he had the ball rolling for his exit.

    Stop communicating with him. Check all your credit cards, bank accounts, credit scores, assets, titles on homes, cars, etc. Do this immediately and talk to a lawyer immediately. You need to freeze assets before he cleans things out. You need to get into logical and survival mode.
    Originally Posted by Faith19
    My husband walked out on me after 13 years of marriage 6 weeks ago, he filed for divorce and has not even talked to me at all. 4 years ago he had previously been texting a girl at his work, i found all the messages.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    The other woman never went away and he kept seeing her on the down low. He lied to you while he was planning this whole thing out.

    Turn your pain into anger, not uncontrolled anger but productive anger. He has lied and cheated on you so that is proof that he did not truly love you and he is a selfish cheater that only cares about himself.

    The reason he will not speak to you is because what he has done is doing is indefensible and he knows it so he doesn't want to answer any questions or face you because facing you would mean he has to face what a piece of crap he really is.

    Divorce is a business transaction which you will need professional help with. There are many things that need to be done to protect yourself and we can help advise you on some of them but you do need professional help right away. If you have any friends that have gotten a divorce call them for advice and a referral. Don't be ashamed and afraid to talk about this, he is the one that should be ashamed not you.

    Keep posting and get started on protecting yourself

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd move the emotional stuff to the back burner and tackle that AFTER seeking legal advice and learning how to best protect myself practically.


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