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Thread: Is this guy just screwing with me URGENT!!!

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    He told you straight: you are awesome, and he doesn't want to lose you. Yes he likes you and enjoys you, but NO, he is not trying to date you or be exclusive with you.

    You did NOT tell him straight: You want to be with someone who desires you in all aspects of his life. Someone who wants to share weekends with you, group outings with you, vacations with you. Someone who wants you and who doesn't want anyone else.

    Why haven't you told him? Because you will lose him. Because you already know that he is not that man. You do not want to lose him, yet you do not have what you want. Either you bet on yourself and your ability to have what you want in life, or you accept whatever others choose to offer you no matter how much it falls short.

    Either you walk your path, or you don't. (You will, no matter what, actually -- but when you walk your path with intention, you find there is no drama.) Right now, you are walking his path and blaming him for it.

    You CHOOSE. You are responsible for you.

    Your homework assignment:
    (1) Decide what you want. Do you want a relationship, really? Or do you want practice before you feel ready to attract and retain what you want?
    (2) Are you ready to attract and retain what you want?
    (3) Does your involvement with this man help you walk your path, or distract you from it?

    Then, based on your self-reflection, decide what this man adds to your life and make your choice.
    Wow that was awesome. Thank you so much

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bailee9876
    I guess I took him being honest with me as being a good guy. I just get confused and caught up because he jokes a lot about other girls, as I joke about other guys. All of his friends refer to me as his girlfriend. And he acts like we date. But when it comes down to the actual commitment, it’s not there. He treats me better than anyone has. And cooks me dinner, has wine, spends every day with me. But also, I obviously have my blinders on and only see what I want to.
    Repeat to your self: you're not in a relationship with him.

    Him wining you and dining you or treating you well when he's around you means nothing and much less what his friends think you are. If someone likes you to the point of having a relationship with you, they'll have one. Some people will act like they're in a relationship because they like the benefits of one: sex, company and all that but they don't want to commit into one, so it's NOT a relationship even if it might look like one on some aspects. Some men will even act jealous if you meet other guys, yet they do the same thing with other girls and act like they're single when they're not around you.

    I'll even risk saying that all or most of the dates are conveniently at his place.

    Not all FWB situation has to be sex and leave. Many FWB situations are like yours. It's still not a relationship, he told you clearly. If he wanted a relationship with you he'd have one and he wouldn't be risking losing you by talking openly about other girls.

    You'll find other quality men willing to put in the effort and actually commit. But first you need to ditch this one.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Dude is hardly screwing with you. He's being completely honest—with how he feels, where he's at. He sounds like a pretty good guy, frankly, just like you said.

    Being "good," however, doesn't have to mean wanting to be in a relationship, with you or anyone. Just like having sex and drinking wine with someone doesn't always mean wanting to be in a relationship. What it means is that you want to drink wine and have sex with that person without it having to be a relationship.

    No shame in that. I've been him, plenty, always up front with where I am. I've been with the female version of him, too. When the feelings are mutual, these can be hot, fun, lovely unlabeled "relationships"—maybe placeholders until something deeper comes along or, who knows, maybe something that develops into something deeper.

    But it only develops if you're genuinely cool with where things are right now, which I don't think you are. I mean, you say you are, but if you were you wouldn't be posting here.

    So, yeah, take a moment to ask yourself what you really want. If it's a relationship—well, then investing and getting attached to a guy like this is going to hold you back. If it's more nebulous exploration with some gray zone intimacy—well, then you're good to go.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If he's screwing with you, it's because you're letting him.

    You want a serious relationship and not hangouts or hookups.
    You need to tell him that and also tell him that if he can't be an actual boyfriend to you then you are going to move on...and mean it!!

    He's using you for a good time and tossing you whenever, because you keep waiting around. That's not going to get you anywhere.
    He either becomes your boyfriend or you leave the situation, simple as that.

    No need for more confusing texts or him making demands he has no right to or him stringing you along.
    He commits to you or you stop replying to him.

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  6. #15
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    The writing is on the wall...he wants a plaything and a convenience. That's not to say he doesn't truly enjoy you, but he doesn't want "it"...he doesn't want a relationship. He's only there temporarily anyway. The gall to openly talk about picking up women in front of you? That's terribly disrespectful and worthy of dumping. Why tolerate this?

    This guy is very clear on what he wants...which may include the fact that he gets to "play" but will not take too kindly if you also "play." Take him at face-value. If you are okay with something casual when he's in the mood, by all means, enjoy him while he's in town, but expect nothing more...absolutely nothing more. Personally, I think it's time for you to walk away from it. You want more and he is not the guy.

    You need to do an inventory of what you want and follow through on that. You won't change this guy.

  7. #16
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    he said that he had just gotten out of a long relationship and that he was only stationed in my town for flight school so he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
    that's your answer. He's with you for a fun time, not for a serious relationship. You should date other men if you are looking for a relationship.

  8. #17
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    You are his bootycall and helping him hone his bf skills for a future gf that most likely will not be you.

    If you are okay with that, then enjoy it. Just don't expect anything more than what he has told you.

  9. #18
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    You're looking for an exclusive relationship, he isn't.

    Why bother wasting your time waiting for him to change his ways when you don't know if or when he'll ever want what you want.

    I'd focus your energy on meeting men who want the same things as you.

    As a side note, you say in your original post "we continue to hangout like normal, he gets mad when I hangout with other people. And says he doesn't hangout with other people". Yet, he "talks about going out and finding hot chicks with his friends" in front of you. This is messed up and hurtful. Also, not sure why he expects you to not hangout with other people when he's clearly searching out and potentially getting involved with other women.

    I'd move on, Bailee. As difficult as this might be for you, better that you move on than wait around indefinitely.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    You're looking for an exclusive relationship, he isn't.

    Why bother wasting your time waiting for him to change his ways when you don't know if or when he'll ever want what you want.

    I'd focus your energy on meeting men who want the same things as you.

    As a side note, you say in your original post "we continue to hangout like normal, he gets mad when I hangout with other people. And says he doesn't hangout with other people". Yet, he "talks about going out and finding hot chicks with his friends" in front of you. This is messed up and hurtful. Also, not sure why he expects you to not hangout with other people when he's clearly searching out and potentially getting involved with other women.

    I'd move on, Bailee. As difficult as this might be for you, better that you move on than wait around indefinitely.
    I agree its very hurtful and manipulative, you're like a toy to him and we all know what happens when another kid comes to take the toy you kinda sorta play with.

    I dont think hes some evil mastermind, but I do think he would have to be a complete idiot to not know how you feel and yet hes happily stringing you along, thats not someone with your best interests even on his radar.

    You cant place your best interests in someone elses hands. You have to be your own advocate.

  11. #20
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    Is he playing you? Does a silent fart smell worse than a loud one? Abso-lutely. Hes a play boy and he thinks his stupid little games are funny. I don't know what has happened in your life that you think you deserve this but you don't . He has no respect and he speaks in front of you like he's a pimp. "hot girls". Ok well set him free so he can get burned by one.

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