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Thread: Two years, too long

  1. #11
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Classic signs of an abuser. Be glad you are rid of him. Sorry you're hurting. I'm glad you told your family and friends as you'll have good support from them. I wish you well.

  2. #12
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    Hello again...the drama continues. So this past weekend hi DAD texted me this little number....

    "Please forgive this text as even as I write it I know how selfish it seems.
    I've spent much of the past few days at the apartment with him and I'm truly scared.
    If you are able to even open some sort of dialogue with him I can honestly see a potential for great change.
    The last thing I want is to add any pain on you, but I am literally and figuratively feeling at the end of my rope.
    If you can find it in your heart to see a more positive outcome than I fear than I would appreciate this effort".

    I was fuming when I read this. I couldn't believe his own parents who know his issues would even think to send me this. I sent this to his dad....

    'I'm sorry to hear that this is affecting you as well. I have given ***** numerous chances and he never changes. I have also said to him many times why this is the way it has to be. It is on him to not accept it. I need to move on with my life. If you are worried about his health/safety then you need to take the steps necessary to admit him into hospital or have him stay at your place. I have blocked his number for a reason. I do not need him blowing up my phone while I am at work. He became very abusive near the end and I will not tolerate that. He damaged walls in the apartment, stalked me, and threw my keys off the balcony...Opening up dialogue will only place in his mind this false belief that he and I will get back together.

    I will be moving my furniture out of the apartment on the 19th and 20th with friends and family. I have told him the same. I would appreciate if you would ensure that he is also not there at that time. I have tried to give him money 4 times to assist him in moving out but he will not accept it. Again, I am sorry about this but I need to move on with my life."

    This is getting exhausting. It's hard to stay focused at work...and I work in a stressful environment as is. I dont want to have to inform my manager of the situation....nurses/nurse managers arent the best at keeping things on the low down. Im embarrassed enough about all of this without adding more people to the situation. He still keeps blowing up my phone...his number is blocked but it still appears in ny recent call log as auto rejected. I just dont know what else to do other than change my number or get a restraining order.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Abuse and manipulation go hand-in-hand. Do not communicate with him or any of his people. Delete and block them all. Focus exclusively on the logistics of severing all ties and most of all getting your stuff out if there before he trashes it.

    Get an attorney or help from local law enforcement if you need to. After you get your stuff, get a cease and desist and restraining order against him and any of his abuse-by-proxy pawns. Enlist the help of your friends and family and stop taking the bait and communicate with his pawns.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Your reply to his dad was perfect! Straight and to the point. He should NOT contact you again after you have explained it all so clearly. Should either the dad or your now ex continue to contact you, you should seriously consider filing for a restraining order (imo). Keep a paper trail of every single text message they send you.

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  6. #15
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    I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I feel lost and sad. I feel like I cannot talk to my family or friends about my whole ordeal anymore. I feel like I've become a burden to them.

    Since the last time I spoke regarding my ex things got bad. I involved a lawyer since the ex decided he was gonna stay at the condo but didnt feel he needed to pay all the rent. So I thought that was sorted, he paid for Feburarys rent and today for March he has not... Probably just saying a big f*** you to me I suppose. It seems that this just keeps getting worse and I'm constantly stressed. When I tell my friends and family they just seem annoyed, telling me to "not worry." Seems easy for them to say when they weren't the ones being abused/tormented by a big a**hole. So now I just have to keep things to myself and just bottle up everything inside cause no one cares about my situation. I've been doing as much self care as I can...working out, doing yoga, looking for a house to buy and reflecting on why I choose the wrong guys.

    It seems that every step I take forward I get a giant shove backwards. I just feel so alone and I really feel like I am cursed and no one wants anything to do with me...they just pity me. My lawyer, who was also a family friend suddenly passed away a few weeks ago. Like I feel like my luck is horrific. Who gets a lawyer and then their lawyer dies only weeks later. Ugh. Supposedly they are in the midst of getting a replacement for me but I feel that my ex knows about his passing and is using the death of my lawyer as leverage...hence the not paying me today.

    I just cannot seem to get a break. I'm just counting down till the condo lease is done in the end of March and I hope this gets me to fully move on. I fear I wont get the money owing from March and he will damage the place so that I wont get my security deposit.


    This whole situation really makes me never want to date again. My friends have informed me that my ex is on numerous dating sites...I pity the girl who gets with him next. I dont know how he is doing as I have not spoke to him since early jan but it feels like he has his life going for him and I'm just stuck in this massive rut and I dont know if it is me causing all of this or just horrific luck. He broke me down and I now feel that if I ever do find myself in a place to begin dating again I wont trust my judgement. I guess maybe it is best if I just stay alone....
    Last edited by veronicagab; 03-02-2019 at 02:29 AM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Hi Veronica* - I just read your thread and wanted to drop a couple of notes.

    Firstly I'm so sorry you've had to endure this but as others have said, thank GOD you got out! None of us would want to see you posting that you want to fix this...!

    On my own journey of recovery I started researching narcissistic abuse and you my dear have definitely been narcissistically abused! The bad news is it can take quite a while to recover. But again, you've taken the first step and got out.

    I too have lost pretty much all of my community as noone wants to hear about it anymore. But it's also that they just don't know what to say. They don't know how to help....A common pitfall as like I say, it can take a while and after some time they have to move on with their own lives.

    A big channel on YouTube about narcissistic or emotional abuse recovery is Melanie Tonia Evans. Perhaps look it up...

    She refers to these friends and family as Angels In Disguise because it actually forces us to turn inwards to ourselves which is where the real healing needs to take place.

    You will date again when you're ready. Actually a good thing that you put that aside for now though as you get your life back on track.

    I wouldn't worry too much about 'everyone else' getting engaged etc... I'm probably a bit of a cynic these days but sadly not all of those relationships will go the distance.

    Also, don't beat yourself up too much. You gave it a red hot go and you can take solace in that. Like me you can walk away knowing you did the absolute best you could and be proud of that*

    Perhaps you will lose some money in regards to the rental but in the long run it's only money and won't really matter.

    I would also like to add that I have quite bad Complicated Grief/ Depression, CPTSD and severe anhedonia but I would never lash out or put that on my partner if I had one. So that is just an excuse and he has other deep seated issues going on....

    In the meantime, take good care of your health and yourself. Eat and sleep the best you can. Try some meditation. Go for walks etc...

    Stay Strong. This won't last forever*

    You are not alone*

    Love and Light*

    Carus*
    Last edited by Carus; 03-02-2019 at 05:52 AM.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    I also wanted to add that probably my favorite channel on YouTube on this subject is Pandoras Box with Kaleah Leroche... Very comforting :)

  9. #18
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    Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I do appreciate it. I have been watching some of the videos you suggested, which have been eye opening. I think I'm also going to start looking into seeing a therapist to get at the roots of why my self worth is so low to accept guys like my ex. I "know" I'm a catch...I have a great career, family, friends, have hobbies but I still dont have that self worth/confidence that I should have.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Quite a weird thing isn't it? It's mostly rejection based....

    We know we're a good catch. We have friends and family that love and care about us....yet the rejection by that ONE person seems to override all of that..(?)

    I might put up a video about that very topic :)

    Hope you have a good day*

    Carus*

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