Hi,

I am a 31 year old guy and find myself stuck in a dilemma. For nearly two years I have a relationship with a woman whom I really love and vice versa. We are living together for 2 months now. She is also 31 and is ready for children. I need more time, because I like it how it is and just don't feel the urge yet, though many of my friends are parents (or becoming). For me it feels too soon.

Problem is, she feels she cannot wait for more than a couple months to start. She comes from a family where it seems just as the next logical step. I feel sometimes put under pressure when she tells me if I can't assure her to have children together in quite a short time, she is wasting her time and will move on. She also mentioned having a baby is more important than a relationship without one. We talk a lot and are (of course) straight, but there is a lot of pain/frustration from her side, and the ticking clock is more prominent than ever. And to be honest I always thought when I am ready I will know, but to assure this to someone (especially after living together for only 2 months) is like being cornered and like an ultimatum.

It started when we were only 6 months together, and unfortunately she had a miscarriage after being (unplanned) pregnant a couple of weeks due to birth control failure. After this we decided it was too soon but after some months she told me she was sure she wanted to start trying.

Let me say I just want to see her happy and understand her, and feel I might need to step back if I can't give her what she truly wants, but because of the constant asking 'why' I am not ready and 'Will you ever be?' etc it feels it doesn't feel like the right atmosphere as a couple to decide this. In my opinion, this should be a mutual willing and making a compromise about children is of course not an option. Problem is, I can't assure her I will be ready in a year, I might be, but who knows. I feel cornered and because of this she is frustrated and it works like a circle. She is introvert and I have many friends who I love and often see, and she is sometimes not comfortable with this, so it feels we should first find a way together in other 'issues' before comitting to having children.

It feels like it would be such a waste to give this up though, I love her so much and she loves me, but the more we evolve the more she wants an answer. When I say I need time she just replies she won't wait much longer. We never really 'fight' but yesterday she said if I can't assure her really soon this is going nowhere and she doesn't see the point in staying together.

Any thoughts maybe? I don't know what to do.
Thank you.