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Thread: time to let go vs own issues

  1. #11
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    Do you guys think itís weird that he doesnít want to kiss me cuz he is sick? Like 3 weeks ago he had a cold sore and was against kissing and then last week he didnít want to kiss at all cuz he was sick. (Even though he didnít even seem that sick). On NYE we kissed but then today he was telling me how his partner was coughing and sneezing all over the place and heís scared to get sick again. Iím so negative and I only think heís bringing this up so he doesnít have to kiss me this weekend. Am I crazy for thinking this way? I donít remember it ever being this way. I guess I never used to pay attention.

  2. #12
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    Do you enjoy all this fussing and stressing and anxiety? Because you keep searching and hunting for things to get upset and worry over.

    It's like you didn't see or consider any of the advice you've been given. Instead you jumped right to inventing another worry.

    I would imagine this must be very exhausting for your boyfriend.

  3. #13
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    Exhausting to me. And only me. The forums on this page actually motivate me and allow me to see things from other points of view which is the only reason why I joinined. It helps me. I wouldnít have joined and spent the time to post all my feelings and insecurities if I felt like this was joke. This genuinely helps me. I read this over and over again when I feel down. Iím sorry that Iím insecure. Everything that is done or said makes me feel a certain away. Iím not going to him. Iím going to this forum.

    I truly appreciate what everyone says. You have no idea how much this helps me in my life. Maybe to you itís 5 minutes out of your day but for me it means a whole lot. And I truly appreciate it. Iím not coming here to complain Iím coming here to tell you how I feel. Do you think itís weird ? Am I weird for thinking itís weird ? You guys keep saying this is so exhausting to your boyfriend but Iím coming here to tell you instead of running to him. Iím trying not to be so exhausting Iím trying not to push him out of my life. Your efforts mean the world to me which is why I continuously read Over and over again.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    No, it's not just exhausting to you. Regardless if you nag him with all this anxiety and worry or not, it's very exhausting dating someone who only sees the negative and doesn't seem to appreciate the positive in the relationship. It's like running and running and never getting no where. It's exhausting to him too, yet you seem too focused on you and your needs that you don't grasp how this could be affecting him. Not many guys would put up with this.

    If this relationship weather because of your own issues or his behaviour is causing you more stress and worry than satisfaction, then why don't you break up with him? You don't sound happy in this.

    I think it's great that you sought help of a therapist and are open to advice. It's a great step in the right direction. And I also respect anxiety as a mental health issue that deserves compassion and treatment (I suffer a lot from it too). So I'm not trying to be rude or anything, just trying to talk a little about his side of things and his perspective and how he might feel. A relationship can only function healthy if there's a balance between 3 parts: you, him and you and him together.

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  6. #15
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    I guarantee, as Annia said, that your boyfriend knows all about all of your anxiety and insecurities. Your texts the other night were not, I am sure, the first and only time you've asked him to reassure you.

    So...you know you have this issue. Besides posting on this forum, what are you doing to try to get a handle on your insecurity and anxiety?

    And you never did answer...what else do you have going on in your life besides work and your boyfriend? What else are you involved in, what do you do for fun, how much time do you spend with your friends and family? Anything at all?

  7. #16
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    I go cycling almost every morning, I did yoga for a month but I did not really enjoy it. I have dinner and movie nights with my cousins almost 2x/week, I go out with friends and have drinks, I go shopping with my mom. One of my best friends just had a baby so I go visit her a lot. I go to church every Sunday. I have 3 younger siblings that I spend a lot of time with. I take care of myself, I always get my nails done. I volunteer at least 1 Saturday morning a month to pass out food to the poor. I applied to a diff job yesterday because I think a change will be good for me. My profession is available to practice in a community or hospital setting and I applied to a hospital job yesterday. Im trying. I truly am. I was like this before, nothings changed in my life. Ive always had things to do and occupy my time with. The only difference now is that no matter how much I have to do this is always on my mind. I over examine everything. It hurts me how much things have changed. I can't help it. The decrease in spending time/talking is something I can accept but Its hard for me to be so positive when he's so negative too! I hate the light he sees himself in right now. It weighs me down too. His family puts a lot of pressure on him and he allows it to discourage him to a whole other level. I wish he could see himself in the light I see him in. I know all you've read is me over-analyzing and being a anxious freak but I do motivate him, I do try to get his mind off things, I do give him loving encouragement, I think he's amazing and I am so proud of him. things just get the best of me, especially lately.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just an observation. Hope that provides some insight.
    Originally Posted by lost0411
    I go cycling almost every morning, I did yoga for a month but I did not really enjoy it. I have dinner and movie nights with my cousins almost 2x/week, I go out with friends and have drinks, I go shopping with my mom. One of my best friends just had a baby so I go visit her a lot. I go to church every Sunday. I have 3 younger siblings that I spend a lot of time with. I take care of myself, I always get my nails done. I volunteer at least 1 Saturday morning a month to pass out food to the poor. I applied to a diff job yesterday because I think a change will be good for me. My profession is available to practice in a community or hospital setting and I applied to a hospital job yesterday. Im trying. I truly am. I was like this before, nothings changed in my life. Ive always had things to do and occupy my time with. The only difference now is that no matter how much I have to do this is always on my mind. I over examine everything. It hurts me how much things have changed. I can't help it. The decrease in spending time/talking is something I can accept but Its hard for me to be so positive when he's so negative too! I hate the light he sees himself in right now. It weighs me down too. His family puts a lot of pressure on him and he allows it to discourage him to a whole other level. I wish he could see himself in the light I see him in. I know all you've read is me over-analyzing and being a anxious freak but I do motivate him, I do try to get his mind off things, I do give him loving encouragement, I think he's amazing and I am so proud of him. things just get the best of me, especially lately.

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