Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21

Thread: Lonely after breakup

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Annia
    I'm very sorry you went through all this. If you have such urge to text I think you should delete him from you cellphone and social media. Block if necessary. It's never a good idea to be friends when there's still feelings.

    Do you have family or friends in your city that you can talk on the telephone? They might not be in the same city but they can listen to you talk to you.

    Also, do you have a concrete plan of how many months you need to return home?
    Hi Annia,

    Thank you. No, I don't yet have a concrete plan but I would like to do some travelling first before going back home, so I will definitely make a plan very soon, something to focus on. My ex is deleted on my cell phone and social media already, but whenever I have the urge to text him, I can retrieve an old bill and get his number, which is annoying. Yes, I have a lovely mother and friends to talk to on the phone but I feel like they are sick to death of me going on about this!!

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You should move back home.

    In all honesty it is also your responsibility to build your own life. You should be getting out and getting involved in hobbies, Meetups, volunteering, classes, whatever. Your partner should not be your babysitter. It also sounds like your bf checked out long ago.
    Yes, as difficult as this is to read, he did check out long ago. I think my emotional difficulties and grief were too much for him to deal with, when he wanted to be frivolous and carefree and not have to deal with heavy stuff which he couldn't relate to. You're right, I do need to move back home and re-build my life. I made the mistake of revolving my life down South around him, because I had moved for him. You are so correct that it is not his responsibility to babysit me. I think there were some codependency issues there which means that while he checked out a long time ago, I am struggling.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    May I ask how long you dated before you moved?
    We dated for a year before moving, and two years after.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    43
    Posts
    2,160
    Gender
    Female
    Jenberry I can totally relate to what you are going through. I dated my ex for a year and a half and I left Canada to live with him in NYC. He supported me and put me through school so I could work in the US. 5 years after the move (this time last year) he broke up with me. Like your situation, he really loved to go out and drink, despite having a very demanding job. I could not party excessively and function at work, so I preferred to stay in most nights.

    Like you, thatís what eventually broke us up. Socializing was very important to him and he resented me for not being the same. I ended up moving to Florida because I cannot work in Canada because of a professional designation I now have in the US. I am so homesick, it hurts.

    Jenberry, you can contact your ex, but I think it will just delay in your healing. You have had so much happen - your Dad passed away, your relationship fell apart, and not you are stretched financially. You sound like a really sweet person and are deserving of someone similar. Take some time to love yourself and try to get yourself in some social situations where you are living right now. I am telling this so you experience positive socializing with people (men or women) so you donít get too lonely. Being alone all the time is why you are thinking of your ex. Think about getting out even if it just petting someoneís dog or chatting someone up at the grocery store. You need some human contact.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by sadchick83
    Jenberry I can totally relate to what you are going through. I dated my ex for a year and a half and I left Canada to live with him in NYC. He supported me and put me through school so I could work in the US. 5 years after the move (this time last year) he broke up with me. Like your situation, he really loved to go out and drink, despite having a very demanding job. I could not party excessively and function at work, so I preferred to stay in most nights.

    Like you, thatís what eventually broke us up. Socializing was very important to him and he resented me for not being the same. I ended up moving to Florida because I cannot work in Canada because of a professional designation I now have in the US. I am so homesick, it hurts.

    Jenberry, you can contact your ex, but I think it will just delay in your healing. You have had so much happen - your Dad passed away, your relationship fell apart, and not you are stretched financially. You sound like a really sweet person and are deserving of someone similar. Take some time to love yourself and try to get yourself in some social situations where you are living right now. I am telling this so you experience positive socializing with people (men or women) so you donít get too lonely. Being alone all the time is why you are thinking of your ex. Think about getting out even if it just petting someoneís dog or chatting someone up at the grocery store. You need some human contact.
    Sadchick (I certainly hope you're not sad), thank you for your kind reply. I am so sorry to read your story and what you have also been through. Yes, I don't understand how my ex would party so hard and then be able to go to work the following day. I need rest! Drinking almost every night cannot be good for you. I agree totally that I need human contact. I have a few plans for next week, such as going to an art class and going to an evening lecture, both of which I hope will allow me to see he is not the only person in the world. I text him yesterday and it took him four hours to reply, despite him constantly being on his phone. I deserve so much more than his crumbs.

    I hope you are at a better place within yourself too. Break ups are so hard and I feel my ex's sociaising ways have glossed over any difficulties he would otherwise be having, and that I seem to be having in abundance. Thank you for your kindness and support <3 xxx

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,509
    Why are you continuing to text him?

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why are you continuing to text him?

    Because I miss him and am struggling to let go.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,509
    Originally Posted by jenberry
    Because I miss him and am struggling to let go.
    But doesn't it make you feel worse when he takes hours to respond?

    I recommend you do something, anything, the next time you get the urge to text him. In fact, how about changing his name in your phone contact list to "NO DON'T!"?

    It's such a shame to read about people hurting themselves like this. Our exes hurt us enough, we don't need to do it to ourselves.

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But doesn't it make you feel worse when he takes hours to respond?

    I recommend you do something, anything, the next time you get the urge to text him. In fact, how about changing his name in your phone contact list to "NO DON'T!"?

    It's such a shame to read about people hurting themselves like this. Our exes hurt us enough, we don't need to do it to ourselves.
    You're so right. Every time I text and he responds with 'crumbs', I feel worse but it's like an overwhelming urge. Next time, I will come here first, and I've taken screenshots of his rubbish responses to remind me of what to expect. I agree with you that we need to stop hurting ourselves. At its core, contacting my ex shows I respect him more than myself so this has to change.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    43
    Posts
    2,160
    Gender
    Female
    Jenberry, the art class sounds like fun. Please report back and tell us what is was like

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •