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Thread: She needs to think about what she wants

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Mike1973
    P.S

    Since the initial fight things have been great. She has made the plans for us to go on vacation in September, she has arranged a dinner party to introduce me to her best friends.
    Right, but she evidently has not forgotten about it. It's been in the back of her mind since.

  2. #12
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    I agree with the others who say the initial fight has always been in the back of her mind. She also admitted to this when she said that she has been questioning your compatibility since the last argument/fight.

    You haven't been dating that long; only about 5 months, right? You're still in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, so each time anything happens (good or bad), she's forming an impression in her mind as to whether she thinks you two are compatible. Nothing wrong with this; it's just the way it is.

    It may have seemed as if she had completely forgotten about your fight last month and wanted to focus on moving forward and leaving it in the past, but I don't think many people could forget about something like this entirely (especially in the very early stages of dating). She wouldn't discuss this with you because, honestly, what would be the point?

    Not sure how old the grandson is, but I have little nieces and nephews who can get a little carried away with their antics after I've told them (or their parents and other aunts and uncles) to calm down because we don't want them to get hurt. They'll still sometimes find a way to sit on each other, attempt to jump on the beds, or somehow hurt themselves. It's impossible to ensure that they won't get a boo-boo 100% of the time.

    Sounds like this ketchup in the eye incident (although this incident on it's own may seem small) just stirred up some feelings that have been lingering in the background since the last fight and she just needs some time to figure things out.

    When/if you speak with her tonight, just ask her how she's feeling. Best thing you can do is listen and hear her out.

    Good luck, Mike!

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Mike1973
    Since the initial fight things have been great. She has made the plans for us to go on vacation in September, she has arranged a dinner party to introduce me to her best friends.
    Clearly not or she wouldn't be telling you she wants to break up with you.

    I have to admit based on your last post and this one, I had the impression you were much younger than 45... I would not expect a 45 year old man to be getting so drunk he acts like an idiot and is falling down breaking things, or getting carried away "fooling around" as you put it to the point that little kids are getting hurt. That would definitely be a turn off for me... it would be like dating a guy in his 20's which totally isn't my thing and probably isn't hers... and would make me think twice about a future with someone.

  4. #14
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    I do wonder why she is having you spend so much time around the grandson when you two haven't been dating very long.

    How the heck did the child get ketchup in his eye? Were you two having a food fight or something?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Mike1973
    I asked her if she loved me, she said yes. I asked if she was still attracted to me and missed me, she said yes.
    I read this thread and took a brief look at the other one about your fight and I will offer 2 basic, easy to follow suggestions that might not save you but can only help, either with her or the next woman you meet someday.

    1- Stop with the asking if she loves me and if she's attracted to you and missed you. It's clingy, weak, "Beta" male behavior that most women find anywhere from unattractive to revolting. Being open with feelings is one thing. Being very insecure is something else entirely. Besides asking those questions won't necessarily get you honest answers and it puts her in an awkward position especially if she's pissed at you.

    2- Stop drinking immediately. Switch to club soda and lemon or a fruit juice or a soda. I rarely drink if ever. One of the reasons is all the alcohol abuse I see around me in friends and family. The other is because it's wasted calories. Another is the behavior that goes along with it- such as you getting super drunk and acting like an a$$. Clearly you can't handle it and you've got a problem. It's not doing you any good whatsoever. As a plus, she will see that you acknowledge you've got a problem with drinking and you're making a conscious effort to change.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    I agree with the others who say the initial fight has always been in the back of her mind. She also admitted to this when she said that she has been questioning your compatibility since the last argument/fight.

    You haven't been dating that long; only about 5 months, right? You're still in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, so each time anything happens (good or bad), she's forming an impression in her mind as to whether she thinks you two are compatible. Nothing wrong with this; it's just the way it is.

    It may have seemed as if she had completely forgotten about your fight last month and wanted to focus on moving forward and leaving it in the past, but I don't think many people could forget about something like this entirely (especially in the very early stages of dating). She wouldn't discuss this with you because, honestly, what would be the point?

    Not sure how old the grandson is, but I have little nieces and nephews who can get a little carried away with their antics after I've told them (or their parents and other aunts and uncles) to calm down because we don't want them to get hurt. They'll still sometimes find a way to sit on each other, attempt to jump on the beds, or somehow hurt themselves. It's impossible to ensure that they won't get a boo-boo 100% of the time.

    Sounds like this ketchup in the eye incident (although this incident on it's own may seem small) just stirred up some feelings that have been lingering in the background since the last fight and she just needs some time to figure things out.

    When/if you speak with her tonight, just ask her how she's feeling. Best thing you can do is listen and hear her out.

    Good luck, Mike!
    Thank you.

    Her grandson is 5. We try to make his time with us as fun as possible. Hence we do stupid things to make him laugh. I think I have been trying to bond with him a little too hard as her last partner had no time for him at all.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Normm
    I read this thread and took a brief look at the other one about your fight and I will offer 2 basic, easy to follow suggestions that might not save you but can only help, either with her or the next woman you meet someday.

    1- Stop with the asking if she loves me and if she's attracted to you and missed you. It's clingy, weak, "Beta" male behavior that most women find anywhere from unattractive to revolting. Being open with feelings is one thing. Being very insecure is something else entirely. Besides asking those questions won't necessarily get you honest answers and it puts her in an awkward position especially if she's pissed at you.

    2- Stop drinking immediately. Switch to club soda and lemon or a fruit juice or a soda. I rarely drink if ever. One of the reasons is all the alcohol abuse I see around me in friends and family. The other is because it's wasted calories. Another is the behavior that goes along with it- such as you getting super drunk and acting like an a$$. Clearly you can't handle it and you've got a problem. It's not doing you any good whatsoever. As a plus, she will see that you acknowledge you've got a problem with drinking and you're making a conscious effort to change.
    Thanks for the response. I asked if she still loved me during our conversation to see if that was the reason. She was honest in her answer that it wasn’t the reason.

    So I did acknowledge my drinking issue. I haven’t had a drink since before Christmas. I was stone cold sober last night. I might have a drink in the future, but never to excess and never with her grandson there.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I do wonder why she is having you spend so much time around the grandson when you two haven't been dating very long.

    How the heck did the child get ketchup in his eye? Were you two having a food fight or something?
    So her daughter works nights as a nurse and her son in law works long hours. My partner has William at least once a week to Help them out and because she loves spending time with him. She wants me to be part of that time.

    We were playing a game to see if we could drip ketchup from the top of the stairs into his mouth. He was loving the game and my partner was filming it. William suggested afterwards that he should wear goggles if we do it again.... We try and make his time with us as fun as possible. This was one of the silly games we play.

  10. #19
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    We have only been dating five months. We didn’t go through the normal “meet for a few dates” scenario like most people. Our second date was at her house and since then I have been staying over 3-4 nights per week when not working away. We have gone pretty much into a full relationship which we have acknowledged but it suits us both and we are happy with that. Maybe we need to go on dates to find out what we missed out on.

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