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Thread: why can't I be happy sticking to one thing?

  1. #1
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    why can't I be happy sticking to one thing?

    I have gotten through life so far through numerous starts,false starts and failures...

    People look at me and the "you have great persevearance" etc...but I have this huge complex of making life difficult for myself.

    Examples:
    -I got my degree, but it took 3 failures, a break away from it and a move to another country to complete it..
    -I am very good at boxing and soccer, but never stick around long enough to progress like I should
    -I have lots of aptitude and always get courses in work, which I complete, but half heartedly
    -I am fit, and could be very fit, but I never see a training plan through, even when I have things to focus on (half marathons, boxing bouts etc...)


    All of the above could be easily fixed if I was just simply bothered to continue it... I get about 2-3 weeks of anything and I think "F** this"

    Now, I get through things, but I could do it an awful lot easier if I even tried a little.

    I get to a point, where I want to do nothing. It's not a case of overloading with everything at once. I've tried just having one thing, and it still happens...

    It's starting to really get to me know.. not only is it a complete waste of time, I have a lot more to lose as I get older when this "not bothered" stuff kicks in. Like not wanting to get up for work,not wanting to do stuff with my gf,not wanting to study etc....

    People have mentioned depression, but it's not like I am down... I just don't want to do anything, which in turn is what makes me down....

  2. #2
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    I used to know a therapist who co-led a very popular group; he reckoned that the best reason for attending therapy, the one that would lead to the most tangible outcome, was if there was something you wanted to do - but were prevented from doing it by the way you felt. I'm guessing you picked up some very negative messages about achievement when you were young, and that's why you have to work hard not to self-sabotage. I don't KNOW this, though, but I think it would be worth exploring rather than labelling it with something that doesn't fit for you - e.g. depression.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cladding
    I have gotten through life so far through numerous starts,false starts and failures...

    People look at me and the "you have great persevearance" etc...but I have this huge complex of making life difficult for myself.

    Examples:
    -I got my degree, but it took 3 failures, a break away from it and a move to another country to complete it..
    -I am very good at boxing and soccer, but never stick around long enough to progress like I should
    -I have lots of aptitude and always get courses in work, which I complete, but half heartedly
    -I am fit, and could be very fit, but I never see a training plan through, even when I have things to focus on (half marathons, boxing bouts etc...)


    All of the above could be easily fixed if I was just simply bothered to continue it... I get about 2-3 weeks of anything and I think "F** this"

    Now, I get through things, but I could do it an awful lot easier if I even tried a little.

    I get to a point, where I want to do nothing. It's not a case of overloading with everything at once. I've tried just having one thing, and it still happens...

    It's starting to really get to me know.. not only is it a complete waste of time, I have a lot more to lose as I get older when this "not bothered" stuff kicks in. Like not wanting to get up for work,not wanting to do stuff with my gf,not wanting to study etc....

    People have mentioned depression, but it's not like I am down... I just don't want to do anything, which in turn is what makes me down....
    I coach people in your mindset rather frequently. You seem to be stuck in reactive vs. proactive mode. Finding out what you really want to do and achieving goals is about understanding who you are, what your values are, and what is important to you, and always going to back to check and make sure that what you are doing is aligning with those values and principles. If you are motivated extrinsically (by outside things such as money, status, power, winning, etc.) that generally will not be enough to motivate you when you are slogging through difficult times. And believe me, EVERYONE experiences those difficult times and lacks motivation, even people doing what they love.

    When you find your inner strength and purpose, you will find that you will be able to overcome those difficult times.

    The other thing that seems to be happening is that you are setting yourself up NOT to succeed by giving up just as things get hard. The more you do this, the less likely it is that you will ever achieve what you want. Achieving is about taking action and... again... working through the difficult times to get to what is important to you.

    If you have access to a life coach or career counselor (or even a therapist) consider sitting down with them to talk about your future goals and what you want your life to be like. You might just need a little help getting over the hump you are stuck on right now.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I can set small private goals and meet those, but on the big stuff, I'm motivated by accountability--to people who matter to me. So I don't just mention a goal to them, I ask them to coach me through to completion. Then I can picture our celebration, which will be my treat, and I'm not only motivated by that, but I want to avoid depriving them of the reward that I picture gifting them.

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  6. #5
    Member PerkyGreek's Avatar
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    Hi cladding,
    I like the above posts. They really make a lot of sense. The only thing I can add is maybe you can consider lowering your goals a bit and relaxing, taking the time to enjoy life rather than achievements. I read a book called “Looking Out for Number One” by Robert Ringer decades ago and it helped me become more relaxed in my approach to life. Many of my former classmates are just stressed and worn out after pushing on and on, realizing later that they did not enjoy life as much as they should have. Regards, man.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PerkyGreek
    Hi cladding,
    I like the above posts. They really make a lot of sense. The only thing I can add is maybe you can consider lowering your goals a bit and relaxing, taking the time to enjoy life rather than achievements. I read a book called “Looking Out for Number One” by Robert Ringer decades ago and it helped me become more relaxed in my approach to life. Many of my former classmates are just stressed and worn out after pushing on and on, realizing later that they did not enjoy life as much as they should have. Regards, man.
    Sure, we're each the ones in charge of what our goals are. If something seems interesting to you, and you attempt it but decide that the goal is less important to you than you imagined, it makes no sense to beat yourself up and 'should' all over yourself. Just skip it, then. Move onto more exploration of what IS important to you until you strike simpatico with something that inspires you.

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    thanks guys

  9. #8
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    Consider that you may have Attention Deficit Disorder. Do a few of those online questionaires/quizzes.

    See if it fits.


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