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I feel like I don’t know myself anymore/ don’t recognise myself in old videos


Alostsoul22

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Hi everyone,

 

All my life up until a year ago I was a happy go lucky guy. Nothing really touched me emotionally in terms of depression/ anxiety. I smoke a lot of weed at my peak 4-6 joints a day. nov 2017 I had sort of a mental break and I got super bad anxiety attacks and stuff so I stopped weed till feb where I got back into it since I felt sort of empty without it, like I don’t think people who haven’t stopped smoking / have smoked weed before will get, however I felt like it was the only ‘fun’ thing in my life so I started again. This year, new year new me and that so I’ve decided to give it up again. I am 2 days in.

 

I was looking through old videos of myself and how I used to be, happy, energetic full of life and banter. Now when I look back at these videos it’s like I don’t really connect with that version of me. Like I’ve lost touch with how I used to be. This really depresses/ worrries me since I feel like me mentally has changed in a sense since I don’t have the same energy!

 

I did shrooms in Amsterdam and it had a really bad affect on me and it took me a few months to feel normal again. I think my brain is just over clocked and looking for excuses for it maybe ? Maybe its just me getting older (23 going on 24) or maybe it’s just me not smoking like withdrawal symptoms of weed. I don’t know but every time I look at a old video of the way I used to act/ speak it gets me down because I don’t want to be a different person at all, I like my personality just really worries me that the drugs have changed me in a way that I can’t get back to that?

 

I dunno if this resonates with anyone on here ? Any advice would be great.

 

Thanks.

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You probably won't want to hear this, it sounds like you have an addiction to mind and mood altering substances. That empty feeling is the feeling of being disconnected spiritually and from the people around you, because you have come to rely so heavily on substances to deal with your feelings about life.

 

I am in long term recovery and very familiar with those feelings. Marijuana, despite what people say about it being some sort of miracle drug, can have profound negative affects on developing brains... my guess is that you started smoking as a teenager yes? This will have stunted your emotional development and your ability to connect with others, which is why you feel this empty feeling now that it isn't there.... not to mention that the anxiety and paranoia are both possible affects of long term marijuana use for some young people.

 

At the end of the day it's your body, your life and your choices as to what you put in it... if you feel that stopping using substances is the solution for you, there are many options you can take advantage of to learn how to be that happy go-lucky person you once were.

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Hi, yes, actually this very much resonates with me. I'm a 33-year-old female who didn't do much drugs but I've been drinking pretty heavily since I was seventeen. Even been in rehab a few times back in 2010.

 

I tried ecstacy a small number of times back in my late teens/early 20's. Ten years ago took a bit of ecstacy and had a two month psychotic episode and was hispitalised.

 

Anyway, start of 2017 started doing ecstacy maybe every couple of months and did acid once. Four months ago took some bad pill in a night club and got completely messed up. Bad memory, anxiety, depression, psychosis, paranoia, you name it.

 

I know that weed is a plant, it's not chemical, but I'm pretty sure it does really mess with your mental health and your memory too. I think it affects people differently and some people can handle it and smoke it most of their life but some people can't. After I took all those drugs last year I definitely feel like a completely different person and it's not the same "me". So I know exactly what you're talking about and if you're starting to feel not like you, I would say you really should give it up. I'm trying to give up even drinking alcohol now because it's making me feel worse.

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You probably won't want to hear this, it sounds like you have an addiction to mind and mood altering substances. That empty feeling is the feeling of being disconnected spiritually and from the people around you, because you have come to rely so heavily on substances to deal with your feelings about life.

 

I am in long term recovery and very familiar with those feelings. Marijuana, despite what people say about it being some sort of miracle drug, can have profound negative affects on developing brains... my guess is that you started smoking as a teenager yes? This will have stunted your emotional development and your ability to connect with others, which is why you feel this empty feeling now that it isn't there.... not to mention that the anxiety and paranoia are both possible affects of long term marijuana use for some young people.

 

At the end of the day it's your body, your life and your choices as to what you put in it... if you feel that stopping using substances is the solution for you, there are many options you can take advantage of to learn how to be that happy go-lucky person you once were.

 

Yeah like I said I am stopping now since it’s not a treat anymore it’s everyday. When I don’t have it I get all down and anxious. I started when I was 15-16 and only stopped once back in nov 17 or so. What worries me is that I’ve always smoked it so I saw no issue with it and the videos I talked about I was a heavy smoker then too. The main reason why I went back to it was due to the fact that when off it for 4 months or so I felt even worse about my personality like weed was the thing that made me ‘quirky’ in a sense. Going to stop this whole year and see if I feel better about myself and the end. If not I will seek further.

 

I Thankyou guys/gals for your response it’s nice to know like the website says that I’m not alone with it :)

I just hope In a years time I look back on this and think how silly I was being 🤞🏻

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Yeah like I said I am stopping now since it’s not a treat anymore it’s everyday. When I don’t have it I get all down and anxious. I started when I was 15-16 and only stopped once back in nov 17 or so. What worries me is that I’ve always smoked it so I saw no issue with it and the videos I talked about I was a heavy smoker then too. The main reason why I went back to it was due to the fact that when off it for 4 months or so I felt even worse about my personality like weed was the thing that made me ‘quirky’ in a sense. Going to stop this whole year and see if I feel better about myself and the end. If not I will seek further.

 

I Thankyou guys/gals for your response it’s nice to know like the website says that I’m not alone with it :)

I just hope In a years time I look back on this and think how silly I was being 🤞🏻

 

Hey man! Welcome. you mentioned some anxiety and a mental break you had - did you resolve this at all? or just go back to smoking one down. I'm just curious if there's anything unresolved from Nov 17 where the weed is just masking it especially since you were about it 4-5 times a day.

 

I myself, being Canadian - go back and forth with whether it is making me feel worse or helping me process. If I stop; it's still there so I don't think for myself anyway it impacts my mental health. I have a different addiction that I am trying to resolve. I do know what whatever the vice is, it's not so much the vice or habit or the effect of it as much as it is a distraction from troubling thoughts and feelings.

 

And my man, you are 24! You have so much time to get back to yourself and identify who you are. I struggle with this daily but pride myself on my love for animals, being polite, considerate and friendly in public and welcome positive interactions from complete strangers even if it's a simple nod and smile to a stranger or a helpful gesture. I self-identify with these things as in my 20's I didn't really interact with people like that. I recently went through what I think to be a devastating breakup where I feel like I lost my complete identify within that relationship despite it being only 3-4 months long.

 

I would say; check in on what gave you the anxiety before smoking anymore and ensure it wasn't being off of weed that was causing the anxiety vs it being a source of dissatisfaction with something in your life. You have madd time to identify yourself nad be back to yourself in no time! The weed was not giving you your personality; I assure you of that.

 

BTW - if you're going to stop cold turkey for a year all the power. Good for you if you think it will help - if you re-think this and want to dabble here and there as long as it's not to cover up anxiety or reliancy to bring out your personality - I would hold off on the "6 paper joints Rick" as the Canadian Native Trailer park boys would say. you mentioned 4-6 joints a day if you're smoking and that's a bit much - A touch here and there will take you a long way! After work etc.

 

Cheers dude! All the best this year.

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Hey man! Welcome. you mentioned some anxiety and a mental break you had - did you resolve this at all? or just go back to smoking one down. I'm just curious if there's anything unresolved from Nov 17 where the weed is just masking it especially since you were about it 4-5 times a day.

 

I myself, being Canadian - go back and forth with whether it is making me feel worse or helping me process. If I stop; it's still there so I don't think for myself anyway it impacts my mental health. I have a different addiction that I am trying to resolve. I do know what whatever the vice is, it's not so much the vice or habit or the effect of it as much as it is a distraction from troubling thoughts and feelings.

 

And my man, you are 24! You have so much time to get back to yourself and identify who you are. I struggle with this daily but pride myself on my love for animals, being polite, considerate and friendly in public and welcome positive interactions from complete strangers even if it's a simple nod and smile to a stranger or a helpful gesture. I self-identify with these things as in my 20's I didn't really interact with people like that. I recently went through what I think to be a devastating breakup where I feel like I lost my complete identify within that relationship despite it being only 3-4 months long.

 

I would say; check in on what gave you the anxiety before smoking anymore and ensure it wasn't being off of weed that was causing the anxiety vs it being a source of dissatisfaction with something in your life. You have madd time to identify yourself nad be back to yourself in no time! The weed was not giving you your personality; I assure you of that.

 

BTW - if you're going to stop cold turkey for a year all the power. Good for you if you think it will help - if you re-think this and want to dabble here and there as long as it's not to cover up anxiety or reliancy to bring out your personality - I would hold off on the "6 paper joints Rick" as the Canadian Native Trailer park boys would say. you mentioned 4-6 joints a day if you're smoking and that's a bit much - A touch here and there will take you a long way! After work etc.

 

Cheers dude! All the best this year.

 

Honestly thank you so much mate, my mental break in nov 17 was due to the fact that I felt like I wasn’t progressing enough in my life/career. I have gotten over this and have a clear goal What really helped ! The deep seededness I think comes from a mixture of emotions and thoughts. I have been single now for 6 years maybe more, this is to do with weed since I’m sure you know the laziness that comes with! Since all I’ve been doing since I was 16 or so was chilling with my pals and smoking a few joints I feel like I’m not in touch with the female side of things anymore since I’ve ‘been out of the game’ for so long. This plays on my mind a lot and I think I feel that the weed is effecting this along with other things, is why I look back at old videos to remind myself of how I was if that makes sense ? Don’t want to come across like a nut but it’s the only way I can describe it.

 

Yeah I think In moderation if any this year. When I saw this site I thought no one would really understand my issue due to most people being anti-weed and that but honestly again Thankyou really lifted my spirits :) hope your year is a good one too man 🤙🏻

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Honestly thank you so much mate, my mental break in nov 17 was due to the fact that I felt like I wasn’t progressing enough in my life/career. I have gotten over this and have a clear goal What really helped ! The deep seededness I think comes from a mixture of emotions and thoughts. I have been single now for 6 years maybe more, this is to do with weed since I’m sure you know the laziness that comes with! Since all I’ve been doing since I was 16 or so was chilling with my pals and smoking a few joints I feel like I’m not in touch with the female side of things anymore since I’ve ‘been out of the game’ for so long. This plays on my mind a lot and I think I feel that the weed is effecting this along with other things, is why I look back at old videos to remind myself of how I was if that makes sense ? Don’t want to come across like a nut but it’s the only way I can describe it.

 

Yeah I think In moderation if any this year. When I saw this site I thought no one would really understand my issue due to most people being anti-weed and that but honestly again Thankyou really lifted my spirits :) hope your year is a good one too man 🤙🏻

 

I feel you man. It's easy to put pressure on yourself to meet someone, date them and have intimacy with them. I wouldn't worry about that so much BUT If you have any vices as it relates to "online stuff" or porn or anything like that vs. real human interaction with the fairer sex; I would recommend you immediately eradicate that this online stuff/porn!

 

I'm not anti-weed persay but am Anti-Porn/FAP/anything that is superficial in the way of satisfying your sex drive vs. your real intimacy drive. It's the same thing as an addiction; covering up the real issue and not driving progression in the areas where improvement is needed. Doesn't sound like you have this vice though, which is GOOD.

 

We here if you need us pal! Most of The people on here are are extremely positive and helpful and treat it as a process (vs. goto therapy and get over it - which defeats the purpose of this forum!)

 

While I am all for psychotherapy and as a Psychology major sometimes you just need to hear from people who have been in the same ship. Everything in moderation!

 

Thanks for the well wishes this year, I'll need them! Same well wishes to you - get out there and meet some REAL people and thrive on positive interactions with people.

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I feel you man. It's easy to put pressure on yourself to meet someone, date them and have intimacy with them. I wouldn't worry about that so much BUT If you have any vices as it relates to "online stuff" or porn or anything like that vs. real human interaction with the fairer sex; I would recommend you immediately eradicate that this online stuff/porn!

 

I'm not anti-weed persay but am Anti-Porn/FAP/anything that is superficial in the way of satisfying your sex drive vs. your real intimacy drive. It's the same thing as an addiction; covering up the real issue and not driving progression in the areas where improvement is needed. Doesn't sound like you have this vice though, which is GOOD.

 

We here if you need us pal! Most of The people on here are are extremely positive and helpful and treat it as a process (vs. goto therapy and get over it - which defeats the purpose of this forum!)

 

While I am all for psychotherapy and as a Psychology major sometimes you just need to hear from people who have been in the same ship. Everything in moderation!

 

Thanks for the well wishes this year, I'll need them! Same well wishes to you - get out there and meet some REAL people and thrive on positive interactions with people.

 

Love man. honestly again Thankyou you’ve really helped :)

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I used to smoke weed every day for several years in University. Throughout that time I changed, and I didn't even realize it. The people closest to me realized it first, and eventually got the courage to tell me that I was not my fun-loving, energetic self. I was hanging out with the wrong people and got into the habit of smoking every day. And while many people say it is not addictive, I believe that mentally it is. At first I got giddy and was laughing all the time. But after a while, I noticed I needed more and more to get high, and I wasn't able to achieve that same high I did at the beginning. It made me more mellow, more disconnected and lazy. And although I was usually smoking it with others, we didn't really interact much. We would smoke and watch TV or eat... after a while I felt like it was affecting my sleep, and the ambitious and driven person I used to be. I'm not sure when it happened, or why, but one day I decided I didn't like the way it made me feel anymore. I cut those people out of my life, and quit smoking. Several years later I believe I am back to my old self. One very close friend in particular told me he felt like he had lost me, and was so happy I came back to rejoin the world. Because I really was completely disconnected, and unfeeling. Perhaps that's what I wanted. But believe me if you want to, you can get back that happy,fun-loving guy you used to be. You just have to stick with it, and persevere.

 

(Just as a disclaimer I do not judge anyone who smokes weed, and I whole-heartedly believe that it affects people in different ways. I know some people who smoke weed everyday and are very successful and happy people.)

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Hi everyone,

 

All my life up until a year ago I was a happy go lucky guy. Nothing really touched me emotionally in terms of depression/ anxiety. I smoke a lot of weed at my peak 4-6 joints a day. nov 2017 I had sort of a mental break and I got super bad anxiety attacks and stuff so I stopped weed till feb where I got back into it since I felt sort of empty without it, like I don’t think people who haven’t stopped smoking / have smoked weed before will get, however I felt like it was the only ‘fun’ thing in my life so I started again. This year, new year new me and that so I’ve decided to give it up again. I am 2 days in.

 

I was looking through old videos of myself and how I used to be, happy, energetic full of life and banter. Now when I look back at these videos it’s like I don’t really connect with that version of me. Like I’ve lost touch with how I used to be. This really depresses/ worrries me since I feel like me mentally has changed in a sense since I don’t have the same energy!

 

I did shrooms in Amsterdam and it had a really bad affect on me and it took me a few months to feel normal again. I think my brain is just over clocked and looking for excuses for it maybe ? Maybe its just me getting older (23 going on 24) or maybe it’s just me not smoking like withdrawal symptoms of weed. I don’t know but every time I look at a old video of the way I used to act/ speak it gets me down because I don’t want to be a different person at all, I like my personality just really worries me that the drugs have changed me in a way that I can’t get back to that?

 

I dunno if this resonates with anyone on here ? Any advice would be great.

 

Thanks.

 

Lose the drugs.

 

I know you think they aren't doing anything to you, but they are. I smoked weed from age 14 into my 20s. When I hit college, I smoked several times a day. I also dropped acid a bunch of times and did shrooms--a whole 8th at one time. Talk about a bad trip.

 

I liked the weed but I also hated the way it made me feel. I wanted to quit, but I never could. I always took the hit when it came around, and it always came around. But then one day, I didn't take the hit. I was probably around your age, 21-22 or something. I was still in college.

 

After that, maybe I smoked once a year.

 

One day, after a couple of years of being mostly clean, I suddenly felt normal. It was so instantaneous, like a cloud had been lifted from my mind. I seriously think the weed damaged my brain in some long-term (but non-permanent) way, and that it slowly healed itself after I stopped smoking.

 

I think the effects are cumulative, and I think this is why I didn't experience the bad side of weed at first. I also think it's why it took a couple of years for the negative mentality to wear off.

 

My boyfriend experienced a similar phenomenon, and he smoked waaaaaaay longer than I did, more than a decade longer.

 

So, my suggestion is that you give it up.

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