Coworker is mad at me for something extremely childish

Me and a couple of coworkers usually go bowling every Thursday night. The week before Christmas break, my one good friend who is a coworker as well, asked if I was going bowling that night. I told her that I didn’t think I was gonna go that night because I had a white elephant party with another group of friends the next night that I needed to prepare for. She got upset and responded by saying something along the lines of me liking my other group of friends better than her/them. This was odd because she knows about this other group of friends that I have and she is usually very supportive and okay with me hanging out with them. I told her that I was skipping out on bowling just this once because I needed to do other things. I’ve gone bowling almost every week with them and she is usually the one who doesn’t come to all of them due to her other commitments to sports and such, which I am 100% okay with. Later in the day, I walk past her desk and another coworker we go bowling with, and he says as I pass “we’re mad at you for not coming tonight” and I responded by saying “ok, I don’t care” because it’s really so childish. Maybe the wrong response but I didn’t know how else to respond.

Later, the male coworker says that he was joking about being mad but the other girl (my friend) may actually be mad. Since then, she has not spoken to me at all.

Now about 2 weeks before this, she and the rest of my coworkers and hung out without inviting me. She is usually the one to invite me when they are all together. She didn’t try to hide that they were together so although I was hurt, I didn’t make a big deal out of it because I thought that’d be immature and childish.

I really think that she is being immature right now by being upset about me not going bowling. I feel awkward because I don’t know how to act around her and don’t know what I’m going to do when my other coworkers ask me if I’m going bowling tomorrow night especially if she is going to be there... I’m not a fan of these awkward situations. I don’t think she’s told our other coworkers that things are weird between us because all our other friends are guys and she normally doesn’t talk about this stuff with them (and I feel like she has to know she is being childish).

Anyway, what’s the best move to make in this situation? I have not reached out to her or confronted her because I don’t want to be rejected and I don’t feel like I need to do anything. I was going to wait to see if this blows over and I honestly thought it would over the holidays but it doesn’t seem like it has yet.

How close are the two of you? If it was someone I was close to I might tell her how I feel or ask her to sit down so we could hash out our feelings about the situation... if it was not, I would just ignore them, remain professional, and let it go.

How close are the two of you? If it was someone I was close to I might tell her how I feel or ask her to sit down so we could hash out our feelings about the situation... if it was not, I would just ignore them, remain professional, and let it go.

I’d say we are pretty close. We have talked about moving in together and we went on a week long vacation to Europe in August.

But I don’t feel comfortable confronting her about this situation. Honestly I never feel comfortable confronting anyone in situations like this unless it’s a significant other. Probably something I should personally work on but I’m not ready to do that with her.

I would go bowling and have fun. She is being ridiculous so don’t feed in to it, just brush it off like the non-issue it should’ve been. If she wants to brood about it, that’s her choice. But it shouldn’t affect your fun with other coworkers.

Side note, it’s not a good idea to get this close with coworkers. Unless this is not a career-type job and you see yourself not being coworkers for an extended amount of time.

I would go bowling and have fun. She is being ridiculous so don’t feed in to it, just brush it off like the non-issue it should’ve been. If she wants to brood about it, that’s her choice. But it shouldn’t affect your fun with other coworkers.

 

Side note, it’s not a good idea to get this close with coworkers. Unless this is not a career-type job and you see yourself not being coworkers for an extended amount of time.

Perhaps you’re right about getting close to coworkers. We work in a very male dominant industry so it’s difficult to not become good friends when there’s another young female at work

Perhaps you’re right about getting close to coworkers. We work in a very male dominant industry so it’s difficult to not become good friends when there’s another young female at work

You'll need to adopt professionalism in order to avoid drama from over-bonding with those who haven't learned how to do the same. You can be kind, you can enjoy an occasional lunch (as opposed to regular lunches), you can go for health walks (best to invite a group rather than stick to one person,) but skip routine hang outs that form expectations, and skip gossip--about ANYone else on the job.

Getting close first and then learning that your coworker doesn't own the emotional maturity to avoid becoming juvenile or intrusive puts you in a lousy position that's difficult to undo.

I'd capitalize on this opportunity embrace coworker's distance and put your professionalism in place. Stay kind with everyone, but limit your discussions to strictly business for a while. Seek more friendships outside of work, and this will enable you to feel supported and less inclined to over-bond on the job.

Head high, and allow this coworker to pull away--and hopefully stay there. You're far better off that way.

Hopefully it is now clear to you that any thoughts of moving in with her is a bad idea. While the bowling scenario is childish and silly, it shows a profile that she is a very insecure person who needs to control. And some of your comments show that you try to do the right thing which can be manipulated by others with their guilt attempts. You may have traveled fine together since it may have been just the two of you or a small number so she felt in control.

Work is for work, no matter what the job is. And your life is your life. So the answer is to go bowling if that is what you normally would have wanted to do and remain professional at work. Don't gossip behind her back or listen to anyone attempting to do the same to you. In other words, don't stoop to further childishness.

I've had the same job for a while and some difficult people have come and gone. Ignoring their games has been very successful for my job life, they seem to be used to people catering to their craziness and when that doesn't happen, they keep the drama away from me.

I agree on not getting so close with co-workers. If it were me, I'd stop going to bowling altogether. You suddenly have picked up a new hobby that coincides with bowling nights, darn it.

T.V. shows want us all to believe that people who work together are always best friends. In real life, this is just not the case.

Yes, this person is immature and if it were me, I'd adopt a very cordial, professional attitude. Pleasantries, how's the weather. Keep your personal life well, personal.

Yes I’ve kept things friendly and cordial. We had signed up for a race next month in a different city and had to book an Airbnb. For some reason our reservation got cancelled and I spoke with her today about it and we were friendly with each other. I actually can’t go anymore due to work so this works out well (I just haven’t told her yet) but I don’t plan on staying as close as I have with her anymore.

And I agree, I don’t plan on moving in with her either. I actually decided on this during our vacation, she annoyed me quite a bit.