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Thread: Ex agrees to meet

  1. #1
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    Ex agrees to meet

    So my ex girlfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago after being together for 4 months. She said I was smothering her. I only went with the flow she gave me. When I brought up I'm getting a new place in spring, it was her idea to move in together. Made me think she was really into this, so I went with it. Things were good then starting a couple weeks ago she started to distance herself. We tried little contact for a week and she still sent cute good morning texts and even made a whole plan for the weekend and holidays. But that weekend I could tell something was up so I pushed it out of her and we decided to break up but see how we feel in a couple of weeks. There were sometimes my anxiety got the best of me and she said she would be patient with me. Anyways, I made it a week without texting her and I then said "I'm sorry, the way I processed things only made me feel what I wanted out of the relationship, not you. I know what I want and need to do now regardless of what happens. Hopes aren't high but I'd like to meet next weekend." She simply responded "yeah we can meet in a week or two." I'm doing okay, still pretty sad. Just can't bug my family and friends about this anymore. Looking for advice and insight to what she might be feeling. Or if anyone has been down this same road. Thanks.

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    What is the goal of the meeting?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Just pull back a bit and as she put it don't "smother" her. Also talking about moving in in a few months is way too much way too soon after dating 16 weeks. Try to pace yourself, regardless of what she does. Do it for your own sake not hers or to save the relationship. Get to know her better.

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    Well I want to get back together. I want to ask her why she wants to meet, because I honestly wasn't expecting that at all. But don't want push that right away, it's only been a day since we talked.

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    Her response to your request to meet -- "yeah we can meet in a week or two" --- how apathetic and condescending, geez.

    Like she's doing you some big favor by meeting with you, this is not where you, as a man who values himself, wants to be!

    What she is thinking is that you are weak, and she's probably lost respect, sorry.

    My advice would be to nix meeting with her, wish her well and move on, as hard as doing that will be.

    But at least you get to maintain some shred of your your self-respect, dignity, pride and value.

    If (massive if) she has a change of heart after you walk, she knows where to find you.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-01-2019 at 04:18 PM.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Muskyhunter9
    I want to ask her why she wants to meet,
    I don't understand this at all. YOU asked her to meet with you. She said yes, and now you want to ask her why?? I don't get it.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. This sounds like the "smothering" she cited as the reason for the breakup. Give her space. Contact her in 2 weeks to set up a time. However be prepared that this was a breakup, not a break.
    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I don't understand this at all. YOU asked her to meet with you. She said yes, and now you want to ask her why?? I don't get it.

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    Also just wanted to add (not to rub salt into wound but something for you to consider), it's doubtful this "meeting" will ever happen..

    The apathetic way she agreed to it suggests she was simply appeasing you, again, as a man who values himself, this is not a good place to be with a woman.

    Let her contact you, if and when she ever wants to meet.

  10. #9
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    Thanks, I understand and pretty much agree with what youre saying. It took her a day to respond, which makes me think she at least gave it some thought (or I'd like to think). I just would kick myself if I didn't at least try. My gut just tells me she was in a weird funk and needed some space to figure things out. Idk, just on here to vent, and advice. I had those thoughts that she just said it to please me, but why respond after a day? I want to flat out ask her if she truly does want to meet or is she just saying it. Idk that's all I got. Thanks everyone for the help!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Muskyhunter9

    I want to flat out ask her if she truly does want to meet or is she just saying it. Idk that's all I got.
    Please please don't do that. Not unless you want to push her away for good.

    Reason? It's weak.

    Look, you have only been dating four months and you've already suffocated her, and according to your original post she broke up with you because of it.

    I don't know who brought up this "let's see how we feel in two weeks" thing, my guess is it was you as your last ditch attempt to hold on to her, despite her breaking up with you due to your suffocating behavior.

    Stop pushing this, pushing to meet, pushing to get back together, there is no reason for you to "have anything" -- all that will do is further suffocate her and confirm for her she did the right thing to end it.

    You have broken up, walk away, and if you have any chance at all of "getting her back" you need to leave her alone.

    As I said, if she has a change of heart, realizes she misses you, wants to try again, she knows where to find you, and even if she does, don't be so quick to go back.

    That will show her that you respect and value yourself, which will make it easier for her to respect you too.

    If I had to venture a guess, right now she does not, sorry.

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