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Thread: Ex agrees to meet

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Muskyhunter9
    Well I want to get back together. I want to ask her why she wants to meet, because I honestly wasn't expecting that at all. But don't want push that right away, it's only been a day since we talked.
    She gave you a vague "we can meet in a week or two" to appease you. It doesn't seem like she really wants to meet you, because that was so vague.
    Also, you should've put a hold on that moving together after just 3 months of dating. Regardless if it was her that suggested it, it was way too soon to talk about moving in together.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Muskyhunter9
    Ding ding. Yes I have horrible anxiety! I mean yeah I'm capable of doing it, if I would've just blocked her on social media right away I probably wouldn't have reached out. But a week after we broke up I saw she finally switched her status to single and it freaked me out, and until then I was doing okay, not great, but definitely better than how I've handled break ups in the past. I believe it was because I've been working 64-70 hour weeks the last month and my anxiety has been through the roof. I may have vented a little too much and freaked her out. Even then she said she would be patient with me. My last relationship ended because I got into a funk from working too much and I was freaking myself out again. There were sometimes that I got bummed, like when she said she applied for a job up north but told me she had no plans of ending things with me and if it were to come down to it she wanted me to come with her. I too want to move up north and we previously talked about it. But it still freaked me out. A couple times she made plans to do Christmas shopping and I tried to tag along (which I apologized for). After the last 8 hours I have no desire to text her and I'll wait and see what happens. But my mind is racing. She was never too up front with how she felt and told me in the beginning of the relationship she doesn't show emotion and talk about things alot. Which I do. I'm at work now and I'm good with my mind distracted, but at home it kills me.
    Im sorry Hunter.

    Your best bet is going to be some sort of therapy to get to the bottom of your attachment style.

    But for now there are things you can do to ease that anxious, stifling, manic feeling.

    -keep your phone in another room.
    -Distract yourself: a good book, a good movie, friends.
    -type out whatever you want to say and send it to yourself. Come back to it in an hour, reread it, I cant tell you how many times Ive done this, in dating, with friends, with family and when i came back thought to myself, "thank GOD I didnt send that"
    -If you are having a hard time recognizing whether or not you are being needy, slow down and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. Let be honest, your in a huge rush to get her back to ease your fear of losing her. Nothing has changed has it? So the same issues that chased her away will still be there so her best interests arent being looked at because your own anxiety and fears are drowning her needs out.
    -Slow down and sit. Just sit with yourself, let your body naturally go through the motions, it'll feel unbearable, you'll convince yourself to check your phone, you'll convince yourself its ok to text, youll overthink, youre going to be manic, DONT REACT. Try to get used to not reacting to your emotions. I wouldnt suggest doing this right away, your emotions are in control right now but after a while, try it.

  3. #23
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Im sorry Hunter.

    Your best bet is going to be some sort of therapy to get to the bottom of your attachment style.

    But for now there are things you can do to ease that anxious, stifling, manic feeling.

    -keep your phone in another room.
    -Distract yourself: a good book, a good movie, friends.
    -type out whatever you want to say and send it to yourself. Come back to it in an hour, reread it, I cant tell you how many times Ive done this, in dating, with friends, with family and when i came back thought to myself, "thank GOD I didnt send that"
    -If you are having a hard time recognizing whether or not you are being needy, slow down and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. Let be honest, your in a huge rush to get her back to ease your fear of losing her. Nothing has changed has it? So the same issues that chased her away will still be there so her best interests arent being looked at because your own anxiety and fears are drowning her needs out.
    -Slow down and sit. Just sit with yourself, let your body naturally go through the motions, it'll feel unbearable, you'll convince yourself to check your phone, you'll convince yourself its ok to text, youll overthink, youre going to be manic, DONT REACT. Try to get used to not reacting to your emotions. I wouldnt suggest doing this right away, your emotions are in control right now but after a while, try it.
    I like all of that. That helps me more than you think. Thank you so so much!!

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