Relationship advice

I was not happy at work and we decided i would give up my job and focus on the family business. My partner said that he would support me but i had to keep asking for money to buy food and I felt as though i had lost any independance with no money coming in i started to look for a job this has not been easy but i have now found one . We moved house earlier this last year and my partner had some money so he decided to do it up with the money he had but this as caused problems he has been making decisions without asking me on things for the house it has left one room in a mess as I went mad when he bought stuff that i did not like. I feel as though he thought I am payng for stuff so he would make the decision without me. But i have remind him we bought the house together so decisions should be made jointly.

I have asked him to give me a list of how much he has spent and i will pay back my share, he also bought me a car as mine was in an accident i have agreed to pay him back for that as well. but I am starting to resent his family as he has bought them cars and paid for cosmetic surgery. I feel as though our relationship is drifting apart and I do not know what to do. The house still needs sorting but everytime he mentions it i go mad he does not think he has done anything wrong.

Keep your job and start putting more in your own savings, your own retirement accounts, get your own credit cards. Do you jointly own this house? Close all joint accounts, all joint credit cards, joint checking etc. Only have things solely in your name. You are not married and it's foolish to operate as a legal unit, financially.

You need a solid cohabitation agreement, not this ad hoc lending money/asking for food, car in lieu of whatever, etc. You also need to see your own accountant and financial planner and banker to get your priorities and finances in order.

You are mired in nonsense about plastic surgery and messes, but missing the big picture regarding your finances and rights and getting some decent written agreements in place.

You also need to determine what is/isn't in your name or jointly owned such as cars, homes, accounts, assets, titles, debts, bills, accounts such as phones, etc. As far as whatever "mess"/ "sorting out" the house needs, get cleaning services, contractors, whatever in there. Stop nagging. It never works. Get your head out of the sand.

Also since you apparently are not married or any sort of legal entity and have zero written agreements he can waste all the money he wants on "his families plastic surgery".

I was not happy at work and we decided i would give up my job and focus on the family business. i have now found one.

 

My partner said that he would support me but i had to keep asking for money to buy food my partner had some money so he decided to do it up with the money he had but this as caused problems he has been making decisions without asking me on things

I have asked him to give me a list of how much he has spent and i will pay back my share, he also bought me a car as mine was in an accident i have agreed to pay him back for that as well. I am starting to resent his family as he has bought them cars and paid for cosmetic surgery.

I agree^^^^^

it always baffles me how many people do not protect themselves when not married. Your story is a perfect example. You need to be smarter when it comes to money!

Finances are one of the biggest things couples fight about. One way to mitigate this is to do as Wiseman says and put everything in black and white, and come to agreements about how money will be spent.

There is no one way that works for everyone, however I think most people agree that pooling everything, even in a marriage, but especially before being married, and not having any independence tends to cause a lot of problems. I think a safety net is good in all circumstances because you never know what can happen in life!

If you don't like how he spends his money then separate your finances and come to an agreement about what you will jointly pay for and what decisions he can make on the house. And yes just because he pays for the renos doesn't mean he gets to make all the decisions if you bought the house together.