The “strong” one

My family is breaking apart in front of my eyes and it seems I’m the only one who wants to fix it. I’ve always been the strong one. I’m the middle child and the only girl- but I’m the most outspoken and successful of my mother’s children. My youngest brother and I grew up in an extremely abusive household until I was about 11- when my mom took my younger brother and I and ran away from my father. My father eventually changed his life and stopped drinking and doing drugs and although him and my mom got a divorce, I began to develop a very close relationship with him. This I believe made my mother resent me a bit. My youngest brother never was quite able to cope with the violence in our childhood and became addicted to hardcore drugs. My oldest brother lived with his dad growing up (different father), but would experience the abuse when he came to visit and I believe he began to resent my mother because of this. From the outside, my mom has appeared as the most supportive mother possible. However, as the years have progressed, our relationship has become more and more strained. My youngest brother’s addiction issues have really taken a toll on her and she always takes out her frustrations about this on me. I am the ONLY child that does anything for her and at this point she actually lives with me to help with my son who is a toddler. People on the outside say that having a mom that helps is amazing- but they don’t see the anger and resentment she clearly has towards me and uses against me. She grew up in a household with a mother that was not affectionate, supportive or understanding. As my mother gets older, I’m seeing this behavior from her as well.

It scares me and upsets me because no matter what I do- she doesn’t treat me like my brothers. Last year my father passed away while I was 8 months pregnant. 6 months before that I found out my new husband had lied about his ENTIRE life and I was married to a complete stranger. Last November I got scammed out of a huge business deal and almost lost everything. This year I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and found out that my oldest brother and my husband were meeting women together while they would travel on business. Betrayal is an understatement (we’re now getting a divorce). When my mom found out about this she made excuses for my brother and said it was a lie even after he damn near admitted it! DESPITE all of this I’ve continued being the best daughter, mother and businesswoman I can be, but now I’m TIRED. I’ve always been the strong one and I need my mothers emotional support now more than ever. I’ve explained to her how I feel and that I feel like how her mother treated her is coming out towards me as she gets older. She gets angry and says she has no idea what I’m talking about. No one in my family believes that my feelings can get hurt because I’m so “strong” and now I’m here falling into a deep depression because I have no one to talk to. I’m beyond lonely. From the outside I look like a woman who has it all. On the inside I feel empty. Thank God for my son- he’s the only thing keeping me going now. I feel so lost. Anyone’s feedback or support would mean the world to me.