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Thread: Girlfriend is the stereotypical "attention "..

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend is the stereotypical "attention "..

    I'll try to keep this as short as I can. im 25, never had a relationship longer than 7 months because either i didnt like her or she didnt like me. Ive currently been in a relationship for a year. passed that 7 month mark. I met the girl at school. She was funny, always cracking jokes. when we met, she used to vent about her cheating ex. I handled it professionally and didnt say much. took her on a couple dates and everything went pretty well. I started noticing she does things to get attention. I want to be criticized on here.. am i crazy or am i correct? 1st point i want to make is physical looks, shes middle eastern and dyes her hair blonde and it looks VERY different and unique, she wears nice cloths that stand out, and wears lots of make up, eye lashes, and those big O earings. 2nd thing is personality, although we laugh for hours and love eachother, she acts "stupid" around people, i think its to get them to talk to her. she acts vulnerable and innocent like she doesnt know anything. (her co workers dont even curse in conversations when shes around). she lied to me and said she had never kissed/had sex with any guy before. she told me a couple months back that she lied and has had sex with 3 other guys. I hope that explains to you guys what i mean by "she acts innocent" to get away with stuff. When she goes to weddings she dresses like the bride. She dances around in her chair and does all of that extra stuff. Sits at school where she knows LOTS of people pass by and theres just bound to be a guy who stops by and asks for her info. I understand thats going too far and i should trust her enough to reject, but its the fact that she decides to be there in the first place. She sets herself up for LOTS of situations and when they happen, she plays the "I didnt approach him, he approached me" victim bs. She posts herself singing and lightweight dancing on social media, which to me makes it seem like shes single.

    Every girl who i know is in a relationship DOESNT do these things. With all of this being said, i'll also add how our relationship is. Were happy when were together! Were the best couple and i've loved her a lot. She loves me back and drives over an hour at least 3 times a week just to come see me. She knows what i like, in fact she just bought $1000.00 worth gift for christmas. Shes only 20, and i am 25. Shes VERY extroverted and thrives off of attention, and i thrive off of solitude and mild social interactions. The things she does make me HATE her. my hate has now grown to a point where its effecting our relationship, that is why i am here. Am i going crazy? Is she maybe not ready for a relationship yet and needs to let the "crazy" out of her before she can consider a relationship? I'm just not enjoying her anymore solely because of this. Currently, she is attending a wedding aprty and posting herself singing/dancing all over social media. To me, thats disrespectful of her..

  2. #2
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    She sounds a bit narcissistic from what you've described, but this may just be who she is or a long-held pattern that is not likely to go away. I had a roommate who "needed the attention of every male in the room" whether she liked him or not. Perhaps your girlfriend is the same in terms of wanting outside validation and adoration. I would be concerned about the lying.

    Unfortunately, I think you are going to have to accept that this is who or what she is right now. No one has a crystal ball to tell you whether she'll mature out of it. For some people, there can be a big difference between the age of 20 and 25 in terms of the amount of growing up that occurs. If you try to change the things you listed above (her makeup, wardrobe, how she acts or dresses at a wedding, etc.) it will come off as controlling and jealous.

    It sounds like core elements of her personality aren't doing it for you, so I think you need to decide whether you can tolerate it long-term.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some cultural awareness would help you tremendously. More so than passing judgement on nonsense superficial things like hair styles or earrings. It sounds like you are quite insecure in her presence and unaware that her being more demure around people in public may be cultural.

    It also seems you have a contemptuous derogatory attitude toward her. Perhaps you are intimidated by her popularity or outgoing behavior. At any rate, it's not going to work out if you both don't respect each other including being honest and being accepting.
    Originally Posted by jmann45
    shes middle eastern. she acts "stupid" around people, she acts vulnerable and innocent like she doesnt know anything.

  4. #4
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    "The things she does make me HATE her. my hate has now grown to a point where its effecting our relationship, that is why i am here."
    - This word has no place in any relationship.

    Move on.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Lester
    "The things she does make me HATE her. my hate has now grown to a point where its effecting our relationship, that is why i am here."
    - This word has no place in any relationship.

    Move on.
    I agree.

    You two are not a match, OP. It's time to go your separate ways so you can each find someone better-suited to you.

  7. #6
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    She is very clearly an extravert who enjoys attention and social interaction. You stated yourself you are an introvert and most likely it is difficult for you to understand the way she feels getting energy from these interactions and being the centre of attention. Attention seeking is not a bad trait per se, it's not like she is creating "drama" and bad situations, she is actually being friendly and outgoing. So for that part, this is who she is and a lot of people would appreciate that in a person.

    To the point where she lied to you about having been with other guys. It's not nice to lie. She probably did that in the beginning so you don't judge her too harshly. And she did confess the truth eventually. I mean nobody comes out on the first date with "do you know i slept with x number of people in the past". If her past a problem for you, then bad news is you can't change it.

    You resent her posting pics dancing at a friends wedding - come on! It's not like she is posting pics pole dancing, or posting semi-naked pics like a lot of young girls these days do. I don't see how posting pictures or videos having fun at a wedding is inappropriate. Are you perhaps upset that you were not invited as a +1 to this wedding?

    Do you know her friends or spend time with them? Or is it just two of you when you spend time together?

    She clearly is committed to your relationship, spending time to drive over to see you frequently and buying an expensive gift for xmas are indicators of that. Do you put the same level of effort into your relationship?

    Fundamentally, she is social, likes having fun and sharing it with other people. You don't appear to understand or enjoy it. Even if she gave up all of her socialising for you, she'd be like a caged bird. You will suffocate this girl if you continue with this attitude. Move on for yours and hers sake.

  8. #7
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    Aren't those things you "HATE" about her the very same things that attracted you to her?

    And you want her to stop them now that she's "yours"?

    You knew what she was like when you chose to get into a relationship with her.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She sounds like a typical 20 year old girl. If you donít like it, move on.


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