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Thread: My boyfriend is giving away all his money to his mum

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend is giving away all his money to his mum

    So, my boyfriend of almost four years, me being 21 and him 22 are supposed to be saving for a house together. I am constantly saving putting hundreds away each month and he is supposed to be doing the same. However, he is constantly ‘lending’ money to his mum and she now owes him around 3000 pounds. The problem is his mum doesn’t work and I know for a fact that he will not get this money back. I have constantly told him to stop lending her money but I know it is difficult because it is his mum. He never has any money because she keeps having whatever he’s got. This means he can not afford to move out of the family home and subsequently means I’m not going to either. The other day I had a bit of a break down in front of him because it was getting me stressed because he had no money to buy Christmas presents because he had given £250 to his mum. This made me upset as I like to be organised especially for Christmas and it meant that other members of his family might not have a nice gift. I wouldn’t mind if she used the money for things she needed but instead is shopping every day buying things she doesn’t need. After having a cry in front of him he said he would try to stop but then I found out he leant her another £50 just days later. This made me slightly upset due to the fact he knew how stressed it was making me but still continued to give her money anyway. He doesn’t know how to say no. All I want is for us to get our own place but I feel like this is never going to happen. Am I being selfish because it’s his mother at the end of the day or does it make sense why I’m upset? I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Any help appreciated, thanks.

  2. #2
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    He's not going to stop supporting his mother.

    So you have a decision to make; stay together and realize you will have to pay for everything, or realize this situation is not right for you and leave him. The magical third option where he wakes up one day soon and says "Gee, I won't give Mom money ever again! I will stop supporting Mom today!" is unlikely.

    And just so you know, if you're considering giving him a "Mom or me, pick one!" ultimatum, those seldom turn out the way you think they will.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You'll likely lose if you give him an ultimatum about you or mom....

    You will have to decide if you can live with him giving mom his money or not. He may well not be ready to buy a house at 22. Female brains mature a lot faster than males. Male brains dont mature til age 25 so he's not there yet. So it could be fear as well as feeling obligated to give mom money. Is there a father in the picture?

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    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    My boyfriend is giving away all his money to his mum

    I have to agree with the folks above. This is likely going to happen your entire relationship with him which means that eventually, he (and you) will probably be taking care of his mom. I would talk to him about it and have a real come to Jesus convo if that isn’t something you’re okay with. Otherwise, you can just keep all finances separate including the home if you can buy one on your own. I’m sure that isn’t what you want though. If he could afford to help his mom and build a life with you, then I would say that you should just try to turn the other cheek if it doesn’t really affect you. You asked if you were overreacting. If something is affecting your relationship and what you are building with him, I think you have the absolute right to have feelings about it and a say in it.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He's not going to stop supporting his mother.

    So you have a decision to make; stay together and realize you will have to pay for everything, or realize this situation is not right for you and leave him. The magical third option where he wakes up one day soon and says "Gee, I won't give Mom money ever again! I will stop supporting Mom today!" is unlikely.

    And just so you know, if you're considering giving him a "Mom or me, pick one!" ultimatum, those seldom turn out the way you think they will.
    Couldn't of said it better.

  7. #6
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    Why isn't she working? Where is the father?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Not trying to be harsh, but what he does with his money and his own Mum, is his business, not yours.

    If it affects you in the way of not having your plans go as you had hoped, then your choice would be to either accept it or to end things with him.

    You can't dictate though or make him feel bad for trying to help his Mum out. It's not your place to do so.

  9. #8
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    His father is disabled and so cannot work. His mother chooses not to work. His father does everything for her including the cooking and cleaning even though he’s not well enough to do it. She takes his disability allowance to.

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    The thing is she has other kids that have full time jobs and she doesn’t ask them for money like this. Which makes me think she’s taking advantage

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He's not going to stop supporting his mother.

    So you have a decision to make; stay together and realize you will have to pay for everything, or realize this situation is not right for you and leave him. The magical third option where he wakes up one day soon and says "Gee, I won't give Mom money ever again! I will stop supporting Mom today!" is unlikely.

    And just so you know, if you're considering giving him a "Mom or me, pick one!" ultimatum, those seldom turn out the way you think they will.
    The thing is she has other children with full time jobs and she doesn’t ask them for money. It feels like she’s taking advantage

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