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Thread: Just had my first disaster date at 30 years old

  1. #1
    Silver Member cingularity83's Avatar
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    Just had my first disaster date at 30 years old

    Okay, so I like to get feedback on things whether I was at fault or not and it's really the only way to help one grow in the future by learning from events.

    So I just recently started talking to this lady online a couple weeks ago who is about 40 years old. We had one nice phone conversation and I had set something up for us to meet in person last night.
    Now I chose some where half way for us to meet in a little town I've never been to and don't know what is around there. Any way on my way there I used the highway which I had to pay tolls for so on my way I had withdrew money ahead of time for the meal/ dinner and to pay tolls with.. I was running a bit late and I had further to go than she did from her place.

    Well when we got there we had dinner and chatted, and laughed and had a great time. During the date she brought up how I would rate the date and she made the assumption that after dates she likes for the guy to signal that he likes her by following up etc

    Now I can tell she liked me because she made a reference to how sexy I was at one point.

    So this is where things turn for the worst. The bill came and it was time to pay and leave and I remembered that I had left the cash I withdrew in the car, so I simply said hey do you have your card on you and can you pay and I'll give you some money when we get out and I'm able to get money out the car. The bill came up to about $30

    Once we got out I went to the car and reached for the compartment and took out a $20 and gave it to her. She said you don't have to worry about it, I'm not going to take your money. I insisted and said no, she has to take it. She did.

    So she says for me to text message her when I get home safe and sound and I said the same to her as well.

    Now I didn't go home and straight away and made a couple stops on my way home, so I never texted her around the time she would have expected me to I guess? But like an hour and a half later I get a text message from her saying that just because I didn't think we were a match didn't mean I had to pull that s***t on her about the whole money in the car thing. Went on about how the place we went to was a dump, made fun of my shirt being too small and tight and said I could use the money to go buy another shirt. I was taken aback, first for her jumping to conclusions that I wasn't interested and then being explosive like that.

    I told her I wouldn't even stoop to down low to her level by being mean and saying nasty things........... BUT....... I just couldn't help myself ya'll. I ended up sending her back a nasty message and now I feel like I'm no better person than she is because of that when I could have just taking the high road.

    What do you guys think?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Her reaction was extreme. But from you I see a number of red flags:
    1 - being late and making excuses for it
    2 - not being prepared with your money. Makes you look like a freeloader.
    3 - handing over a $20. The way you phrased the payback here, it made it sound like you would buy dinner. And then you didnít? That would surprise me.
    4 - not texting sooner. Not as big of a red flag, but you couldíve sent something about how youíre running errands - especially since yíall had talked about contact once youíre home.

    I would be willing to bet, too, that you complained about the drive or the tolls on the date. Am I right?

  3. #3
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    I think you should have deleted the text, forgotten about it and moved on with your search. By responding, you have ensured that it stayed with you... to the point that you're posting on here....

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I think the lady is nuts.

    I can understand the impulse to retaliate, but in the future, be more happy than angry. She did you a gigantic favor showing you how bonkers she is so soon. I'd have killed two birds with one stone by thanking her for it.

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  6. #5
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    Bullet dodged. Angry person!!!

    You should have not responded. Next time, delete.

    I would also suggest you be more prepared for your dates in the future. Also, find someone local.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Oh she's a piece of work and you did dodge a huge bullet. Be glad you saw her y side and wont have contact with her again.

    HOWEVER you acted like a jerk by retaliating with your nasty text. You did sink to her low level. You looked like a real tightwad by offering her $20 instead of the $30 the dinner cost. No wonder she was mad at you. Dont do that again.

    You should not have forgotten your money in the car, it should be in your wallet. But you know that now. Forget her, move on, and learn from this.

  8. #7
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    Wow, the ladyís bonkers. There sure are some angry people out there. Sheesh. Interesting though that she just assumed the worst with respect to you forgetting the money in the car, instead of thinking it was an honest mistake.

    I know Iím already telling you what youíre already thinking, but, I would have just deleted her text and not responded. Sure, maybe you got some gratification by responding with a nasty message, but that feeling is only temporary. That feeling of having stooped to her level and feeling guilty about it lasts so much longer. Donít beat yourself up over it, though. Remember this incident for future reference. Learn from it and let it go.

    Any chance you can just focus on meeting women closer to home?

    Iíd also try and be more organized and prepared for your meets/dates. Mistakes happen, I get it. No biggie. But being prepared makes for a much better first impression (especially when the early stages of dating are so fragile).

    If you were planning on paying, in the alternative, I think excusing yourself and running out to the car to grab your wallet/money would have been the better way to go, FWIW.

    Donít beat yourself up over this, OP. And donít let this womanís comments get to you either. She sounds absolutely miserable!

  9. #8
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    Sorry to hear about your experience. She probably had several not so great dates and thought you are just another disaster....
    Situation with money would put me off too.....you wouldn't get a second date...sorry....you should have order dessert for her or coffee and run to a car to get money....
    Years ago I had a date with a cute man who told me upfront ATM took his card....I was gutted....my mood changes but I invited him for a drink. We had a polite evening but romance was gone ....
    Your date went too far by insulting you and commenting about your shirt...

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Delete all her contact info. She's crazy. That would have shown up sooner or later.

    Don't let online dating become the zoo it is out there for you. Take control of your end. Next time let them pick the place. Get direction/use gps calulate driving times, give yourself time, have your cards, cash, phone on you. Offer to pay, let them pay their half if they want. Be on time. Make it easy on yourself to avoid nonsense like this.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member
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    Dont date when you can;t afford it

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