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Thread: Lonely Girl

  1. #1
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    Lonely Girl

    I've been on disability for mental health for two years now. I had a relapse a year ago. I need friends, I need a life and I'm having trouble rebuilding it. I know there's a lot I could google, but I'm very empty for need of venting. My best friend is so insensitive and short with me. He doesn't read me well. When I need someone to listen to me, all I have is my therapist but that's not fulfilling. I just need a friend. I'm not saying you should be my friend but is there a safe way on the internet to make friends? I know about meetup.com already and couldn't find anything local that I was interested in. I dont have many hobbies. Joining facebook groups led me to strange people (unless you can think of a good networking one.) I need to vent on a daily basis. Should I try the public journals here (if they still have) or just use this forum? Any advice helps.

  2. #2
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    Friends are not for venting. It's fine as a once in awhile thing but not as a regular thing. What I would do is find a volunteer place where you can spend your time contributing and giving of your time and effort and energy -and my sense is doing that will obviate your need to vent so much.

  3. #3
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    You could start a journal , yeah , good idea ..I have one on the go ..I like to go talk crap to myself , but it is a vent .

    Have you actually joined a mental health group on facebook , just to talk to people who understand you ...maybe once you have been on a while you may see someone from your area and meet up , but to start with just use it to talk to like minded people .

    You can have a life with mental health , don't worry .

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    I know this is kind of sending you back to the same place, but I think you should ask your therapist. Working in the mental health field in your area, Iím sure they are aware of all the support groups and resources in your area and could probably recommend a good one.

    I do agree with Batya that friends arenít for venting on a regular basis. You will quickly find that you will lose friends that way. Not because they donít care but because venting drains the emotional energy of the person you are venting to. Doing that every once in a while is great... but doing that on a daily (or every time you see them, or multiple times a week) is exhausting to an untrained person. They donít know how to handle that.

    Since your needs in this area are (understandably) a little bit higher than the average person, you are better to direct this energy to people who are trained and available for this level of interaction. This is more sustainable for you too.

    Keep friends for the happy, positive interactions (and the occasional vent). Keep regular, daily vents for the people who are trained to help you with your struggles.

    I think you will have an overall healthier and happier balance this way if you can swing it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Friends are not for venting. It's fine as a once in awhile thing but not as a regular thing. What I would do is find a volunteer place where you can spend your time contributing and giving of your time and effort and energy -and my sense is doing that will obviate your need to vent so much.
    Exactly. A journal helps but what will help more is getting out of your head by volunteering to help others that are struggling in some way. Friends will get tired very quickly of being used as a garbage can for venting and complaining.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Support groups. In person and online. Check with your hospital, clinic, doctor's office about reputable places to talk about stuff. Use hospital or university based online support groups..To have friends you have to remember to be a friend.

  8. #7
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    Okay, I just requested to join a women's bipolar group on facebook. There are book clubs at my local library. I've gone to my therapist about this who doesn't know anything. She directed me to my blended case manager who namely relied on google and knew as much as I did. I want to vent and can't to my therapist. So that's the problem. It's a new therapist so maybe give it time but feeling like I'm holding my breath

  9. #8
    Thank you for your input and comments to the forum! It is hard to explain how you feel and you did a great job doing that!

    First of all everyone needs to someone who listens to them :)

    You are in an annoying sitiuation but trust me you will get out of it. First let's figure out what you enjoy and we can work it out from there. We don't want you pretending to like thins just to make friends. So what things do you enjoy, dm if need be!

  10. #9
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    Depression, loneliness and suicidal though are a pain in the ass to dealt with.

    I would have a different point of view regarding support group and professional and so a different advice to deal with your problem.

    That being said they are not exclusive one to another.

    I don't believe that much in professional as I believe they treat more the symptoms than the root of the problem.

    I don't believe that much in support group cause this is a place feel with negativity, people who have problems in life and that will tell each other their problem and how life sucks to feel better about life being hell. At least, from the few experiences I had with group in medical/hospital care.

    Regarding friends, take a great care opening up, this show up weakness which is bad so please be sure to only open up to very good friend.

    Also do it rarely when you are on the breach otherwise try to enjoy the moment with friends and show your good side.

    Try to deal with negativity with prayers and a reflexion on the theology of the cross even if you are catholic. If you are not a believer, do meditation maybe. But somehow find a way to make a place for silence in your life as I believe silence and contemplation is a path for peace.

    You can also think on this sentence which helps me greatly : "To recognise reason as the rose in the cross of the present, and to find delight in it, is a rational insight which implies reconciliation with reality".

    There is not necessarely a need to interpret it or think about it through religion or metaphysic.

    Finaly find an hobby or two would help.

    Again I'm not 100% against support group, theraspist and friends (I do believe friends are important, I believe a lot less in support group and therapist) but all those things are external, a support group can cease to exist, a therapist might move or you might not have the time or money to see one and friends can move out or have a big change in their life (like building their family) and if you start to rebuild yourself on those then when it stops you will crumble.

    So that's why the principle focus should be you and your inner world, other thing might be a bonus, a "crutch" but not the foundation on which you rebuild yourself.

    Hope it helps and for what it worth I do hope 2019 will bring you peace.

  11. #10
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    I agree with Batya. Have you considered volunteering? Take the focus off of you, and put it on others.


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