What is it

so 3 years ago I started talking to this guy. Me and my girlfriend had just broken up the day before. (We always had little spats like this) Anyway we talked all the time for two weeks, never seeing one another I fell head over heals for him in just two weeks of conversating. Well then one day to next he just disappears with no explanation no nothing. He blocked my calls no response just disappeared. Well me and my gf end up back together. Mean while I never stop thinking of him. Three months later he hits me up out of the blue wanting to see me. Of course I'm over joyed cause I've been thinking about him ever since. Fast forward a couple weeks me and me gf have a fight and break up. (Like usual) I know I just made up a fight so I can be alone and talk and see this guy. (Totally not fair I know) So he comes over one night we talk and one thing leads to another. Im really not one to sleep around with people. I was married for almost 13 years. Had Only ever been with one other person than my husband. And then with a women for the last two years. So this wasn't something normal for me to do. So this lead to him staying at my place quite often. We would stay up all night talking and talking about any and everything. He talked about plans for the future. And what we do and what he wanted to do. And I was all for it. I would of done anything for him. One night he tells me he wants to have a baby. (He has no kids) And that and he wants me to have his baby. I thought it was kinda strange and too soon to be talking about that. We hadn't even said I love you or anything close to that. But I'm my stupid head I was somewhat excited and I would've done it. Well after he told me that he said he be back and I didnt hear from him for a few days. I was blocked and ignored just like the first time. I was so confused. I eventually got back in contact with him about a week later. We met up went out to eat it was great. It was exactly what I wanted. But it was short lived and I knew there was notnfonna be anything more. We had no contact after that. I would send messages here and there and got nothing in return. I was literally heartbroken.

Fast forward maybe a year he contacts me out of nowhere. At this time I'm already back with my same gf. Well since I'm in a relationship nothing comes out of it. We continue to talk here and there every few months but no contact nothing he ended up disappearing everytime. I wasn't ok with it but nothing I could do.

Well a few months ago I contacted him and he actually responded. I had been going through a bad time with anxiety and depression and itS like he knew I wasn’t ok. I eventually told him what was going on with me and he talked to me and tried to help me through it. He Wanted to see me and of course I couldn’t cause I’m still in a relationship with someone else. So again he stops contact with no reason why. And I’m left with wanting him more.

Just earlier this month he calls me to work out of the blue. I had already told myself I was over it and I didn't want anything to do with him and I was gonna forget all about him. Yea well that didn't happen. He calls and I'm like a little girl so excited and happy. He proceeds to tell me how much he misses me and how he wants to settle down and just have one girl and for the first time ever he tells me he loves me. I'm kinda in shock and change the subject. We continue to talk for a few days and he tells me he will wait for me. And that everything will be ok. And we can make things happen. In my head I'm thinking maybe he's serious this time. Me and my gf are going though a rough patch and I end up telling her to leave more so cause I wanted to see what happens with this guy. We end up seeing each other after three and a half years. It was like we were never apart. He continuously tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. And I'm loving every bit of it. This last majority of the month. He tells me about the baby thing again he says all this great stuff. Even talked a little about moving to his town and starting fesh. But I'm between he says he has a bad feeling about me. I try to reassure him I'm all about him. Well one day to the next he's a different person. He starts with accusations and this and that. But then he calms down and tells me he loves we can get past all this as long as we love each other. Next day I pour my heart out to him and tell him I want it all with him forever and I'm willing to do anything to make this finally work. I donthese from him till later that night and he tells me to just do my thing and he will do his. And I we haven't talked since.

is his deal. I'm so angry with him and hurt. I told him over and over he didn't have to lie and tell me all those things and he would tell me he meant a of it. And he really loves and cares for me. But I know it can't t Be true if he can just leave me like this. What was the point of all this pain he caused me. And why ??